redbaron005 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 In my last relationship I had an odd feeling that some of my gf's female friends and her older sister were jealous or trying in some way to change my ex's perspective on me. I even felt one of them wanted to sabotage it to hook her up with someone else. Is this normal? Has anyone else had this happen? I am trying to learn from my mistakes and would have liked to handle these dynamics more effectively. Thanks!
Philosoraptor Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Sure, jealousy makes some act out in a negative manner. The thing is if the trust in your relationship is shaken by external factors not pertaining to your actual relationship... then the trust was never strong enough to begin with. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Some times people's friends don't like the people they are dating. It happens. You can try to win them over or you can rise above it.
Author redbaron005 Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 Holy moly there is a Philosoraptor on LS? and it speaks wisdom too... nice! OP why were they jealous? Can't fix the issue if you don't know what caused it in the first place. It's not like they came out and said I'm jealous - just their actions seemed to portray this was the case. I wasn't exactally sure how to respond. For instance her sister told her a story about another couple that disuaded her from inviting me on a trip.
Author redbaron005 Posted April 27, 2014 Author Posted April 27, 2014 I think jealous is the wrong word here. Maybe dislike? Is that what you meant? They disliked you? Do you have like a bad reputation or something? Are you considered a "bad boy" or player? We need more details. Disliked possibly. I have no reputation, I was completely new to this social group (LDR) and am def. not a player. I am very picky with who I date, and really am looking for a long term serious thing. More details, ok. The sister told her a story of a guy friend that moved to NZ with his gf only to dump her shortly after. She tells me this story in bed moments before she told me she didn't want me to come to NZ with her (a trip I made huge sacrifices to go on) and that she didn't love me like she wanted to marry me. She is very trusting of her family but the sister had had poor experience with men in the past and hadn't dated anyone in a while. I picked her up from the airport once as a favor and got the jealous of her sisters popularity (over her who is a body builder, more physically attractive) vibe over the dislike of me in particular vibe. I had no idea how to handle this opinion of the sister in a family with close trust of each other.
Wisecrack Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 No point regretting and wallowing in the past. Learn from it. In this case - do your best to gain the respect of your SO's friends. They don't need to like you but they do need to feel/ think you are a good thing for your SO. In doing so, they have your back if SO is out partying and guys chatting her up or if other friends are giving their perspective of you, you have back ups.
Author redbaron005 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 No point regretting and wallowing in the past. Learn from it. In this case - do your best to gain the respect of your SO's friends. They don't need to like you but they do need to feel/ think you are a good thing for your SO. In doing so, they have your back if SO is out partying and guys chatting her up or if other friends are giving their perspective of you, you have back ups. Learning from it is the point of this thread. I consider myself very respectful, however I should not have to prove myself to anyone. If my gf loved me at the time, that should have been enough for them. I was never closer to her family or friends than her, so lost all of them when the relationship ended. I don't think it should have to work like that, why is this a competition for sides, seems immature. Her boss and family friend pushed her friend in between us, and now she is dating him. I had a feeling something was up, and told her at one point "I don't think [her boss] is a good influence [on you]." I never said anything negative about anyone she knew up to that point. Turns out I was right in my suspicions, but felt like there was more I could have done. Also, I told her strait up at the beginning that I burnt my connections to my back-ups because I really valued the relationship.
Babolat Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 In my last relationship I had an odd feeling that some of my gf's female friends and her older sister were jealous or trying in some way to change my ex's perspective on me. I even felt one of them wanted to sabotage it to hook her up with someone else. Is this normal? Has anyone else had this happen? I am trying to learn from my mistakes and would have liked to handle these dynamics more effectively. Thanks! This happened to me with my ex-wifes roomate when the ex-wife and I started dating. Her roomate was very jealous and thought she was losing her buddy. She did a lot of crazy stuff and said a lot of crazy stuff. Ironically, once she got a bf she moved out immediately. moved in with him, and life was great for us then. 1
Poppygoodwill Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 A wise man knows that even more important sometimes than the opinion of the woman he likes, is the opinion of her best friends. Court the favour of her sister and best friends, always. They have huge influence over her, as you have learned. If they think you're a good thing for her, then your life will be smooth sailing. If for some reason they think you are bad for her, then they can easily undermine you. Like her, but make sure her best friend likes *you* :-) 1
Author redbaron005 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 You both sound young. I am (m-27) she is (f-25). Inexperienced, yes. This girl just wants to have "fun" and not looking for a relationship or "forever" relationship with you or anyone else. Thanks for your advice. I think her wants are shifting, she probably isn't too sure what she is looking for. We tried to have this conversation multiple times. She told me she did not 'love me to marry me' at the end of the relationship, once she had someone else in mind. I certainly took her at her word, told her to go find someone else. Her response was "I don't think I can," then she started dating another guy three weeks later.
Author redbaron005 Posted April 28, 2014 Author Posted April 28, 2014 A wise man knows that even more important sometimes than the opinion of the woman he likes, is the opinion of her best friends. Court the favour of her sister and best friends, always. They have huge influence over her, as you have learned. If they think you're a good thing for her, then your life will be smooth sailing. If for some reason they think you are bad for her, then they can easily undermine you. Like her, but make sure her best friend likes *you* :-) Thanks! Looks like I fell in that second category. Its like a double edged sword - when I was nice to her (single) friends, she got jealous. In my mind I was like wtf, I can't win here. Her family lived far away so they probably felt I was taking away family time, I tried but to no avail to demonstrate this was not the case. But distance made a viable relationship with them a challenge.
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