My wife will not stop seeing her male friends so frequently, part II

[TroubledOne]

Hi all. I've started a part II to this thread because the admin closed down the original post when I hadnt responded in 48 hours. I was reading your replies and attempting to implement some of the advice before responding - I didnt realize it would be closed so quickly. I want to thank you all for your responses to my other post. Some of you spent a long time writing and please know that I am paying attention. Your support is greatly appreciated!

 

 

So, part II. I took one bit of advice and asked to meet these other men. (to answer one poster's questions I had met some but not all of them). My wife agreed without hesitation, so I met the other ones today. Two of them were very open, happy to talk, and I had nice introductory conversations. I feel much better about them, and my wife's openness to have us know each other. One wouldnt look me in the eye, barely spoke, and got out of the conversation as quickly as possible. My wife defended his actions when I brought it up later.

 

 

I think the best piece of advice from the other thread was that if there's nothing to hide then both my wife and the other men should be happy for me to be included in things. That worked well with two, but not the other one. And, I overheard two other women talking about how "hot" two of these men are. If thats the case, and my wife feels the same, that might also explain the lack of interest in sex. I appreciate the consistent comments that we all need to have friends of the opposite sex, but Im still concerned that this is going too far.

 

 

I think that one comment in particular may be true - that she is looking for something else that I cant give her no matter how hard I try. The bottom line is that I am all she knows - recall in my original post that we were high school sweethearts. I wonder if there isnt some bit of curiousity out there on whether there's someone better for her - especially as we both are late 30s and approaching middle age. I spent a year sacrificing everything for her (frankly at the peak of what anyone could possibly expect to do for another person) and yet this need appears to have remained in place (perhaps even more so).

 

 

I think this might be the time to give her the freedom to explore these other relationships. If she falls in love and leaves then at least we will know. If she tempts herself and realizes what she is losing in me and comes back then we will be stronger for it. What other option do I really have? I've already done everything she has asked except this.

[Friskyone4u]

Basically you seem to be throwing on the towel and giving your wife permission to date or do whatever she needs to do. I would call that a continuation of what you have been doing, namely "winning her back with kindness ", which rarely works. There is absolutely no reason for a married woman to be continuously going on lunch or any other kind of dates with other men. And I doubt most people reading your post believe this is all she is doing. So if you want to sit home and stew while she enjoys her other me , I guess you can do that.

Or you can get into some kind of therapy to find out what she is missing from you. If it is truly that she just wants sex with other men, ate set you make whatever choice you choose with some truth and knowledge .

If I were you I would sit her down and tell her what you will and will not live with and that sharing her with other men is not an option .

Right now the last paragraph in your post indicates you are too beat down to fight and now she can have you there whenever she wants and have other men whenever she wants.

You have options. Man up and take them

[TiredFamilyGuy]

You are making a mistake. Your accommodating behaviour means it is more likely than before that your wife will attention seek elsewhere. You feel uncomfortable about this guy - well you are probably right.

 

This has the makings of a disaster. Confront her. Your support has a price which is that she does not do things that make you uncomfortable in this way. She is quite self centred to think you should not care.

 

If she wants to act single now - then accommodate her by divorcing her. If she wants to be married she should act married.

[bubbaganoosh]

When you said that your wife has a lack of interest in sex and has these male friends, friend that's a bad situation for you to be in.

 

What's happening is she has a serious lack of respect for you and your feelings and by letting her continue is a train wreck coming your way.

 

I fear that you have let it go on too far and trying to reign her back in is going to be real difficult.

 

If it was me, I would let her know that this type of arrangement isn't working and changes need to be made and if she isn't willing to cut loose the male friends for her husband, then tell her she can pursue them all she wants after she leaves the house and file for divorce.

 

If she can't give you the respect you deserve then find a woman who will but what ever you do don't give her the freedom to explore while your still with her. Bad. Real bad.

[Eivuwan]

Honestly, I think she's not attracted to you anymore because you are acting like a doormat. You accommodate to her as much as you can without any equal effort on her part. Yes, love is about giving, but then there is no love when only one person is giving. Think about that. You love her, but don't you want someone who loves you as well and SHOWS it? If you want things to turn around, I suggest putting your foot down and setting some boundaries that you are actually going to uphold. Then she may be able to respect you again and feel attracted.

[Cpt]

The other guy who couldn't look you in the eye probably banged your wife.

 

I agree with the other posters. Put your foot down and stop being a doormat.

 

High school sweethearts or not, she made vows and if she wants to slut around, she can divorce you and then pursue that. Right now she is having the best of both worlds. Safety net of a husband at home, and the shafts of some "hot" guys. Have some self respect and put an end to this horrible treatment. No one else will respect you if you don't respect yourself.

[whichwayisup]

Your wife is totally manipulating you.

 

Are these other guys single? married? Not that it makes a difference..If she is going to cheat, she's gonna cheat and obviously a ring on those guys fingers won't make a difference either if they are game and willing.

 

Put your foot down and tell her enough is enough! She is not acting like a wife, she's acting like a teenager pushing her parents to the limit until they cave and she gets what she wants.

 

You need to make it clear to her that this behaviour has to stop and it's time she befriends some women and not MEN.