czen Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Hello all, I've been in this relationship with this girl for about half a year. We had some bumps in the road, but overall all is going fine. Although in the last few months I've been noticing a trend. While before she was very physical (wanted sex constantly, kissing a lot, etc) this has steadily declined to the point we are at now where she only wants to have sex like twice a week. When we do it it's still great however. Also, I'm about to go to a different country for the entire summer to spend time with my family who lives there. The first time I did this (a few months into our relationship I left for Christmas and new year) she was very sad and dreading the moment I left. Now she is still unhappy I have to leave for a few months but now she also says that it is okay and that she is fine without the physical contact for a few months. So now I'm wondering, is this decline in physical affection normal? Or is it a sign of her losing interest? Thanks for any help!
Hopeful30 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Personally I dont think its normal to decline so quickly in a relationship. I was dating a man for a good half year and we were still banging almost daily. Then again, perhaps she passed the honeymoon stage far sooner than you have. I was in the same situation though, we were having sex almost everyday and then a couple months in, my last man was going for it twice a week otherwise he wouldn't be fully hard. I just attributed this to a low libido, which to me is a deal breaker. You should try talking to her about it - also, are you the one who always initiates and she rejects you? Is that what you mean by less sex? Or does she just not come onto you as often? In my personal experience, the sex decreased dramatically because I stopped initiating. I realized that when I initiated he forced himself to have sex to satisfy me, which was worse because he was half soft the whole time. Whereas when he would initate (like twice a week which is too little for me) he would be ready to go and hard the whole time. I can't say much without further details.
Author czen Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 Well, before it was like once or twice a day, and she initiated it most of the time. For me once a day or once every two days was enough, but she needed more so. And she almost got me turned on, so it wasn't an issue for me. In the time she did make some remarks that she felt I didn't initiate often enough. So I tried doing that more, with varying levels of success. As the situation is now, I try to initiate it at least every two days, but she often rejects me. It's still more the case that we have sex when she initiates. Which is also the reason why it's hard for me to initiate, I kinda know it's not gonna happen. It only happens when she initiates. Which is about twice a week now. Now personally that doesn't bother me that much, my libido is pretty dependent on my partner's wishes, but I'm hoping it isn't a sign that she's seriously losing interest.
preraph Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 It is normal for a lot of women and not others. There is always an adjustment when they excitement of a new person wears off. Ask any married couple. I wouldn't worry about it. Also, women's sex drive have a lot more to do with their brains and their emotions and how a man helps them feel emotionally than just about the body. You going away may be dampening her spirit.
Hopeful30 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Well, before it was like once or twice a day, and she initiated it most of the time. For me once a day or once every two days was enough, but she needed more so. And she almost got me turned on, so it wasn't an issue for me. In the time she did make some remarks that she felt I didn't initiate often enough. So I tried doing that more, with varying levels of success. As the situation is now, I try to initiate it at least every two days, but she often rejects me. It's still more the case that we have sex when she initiates. Which is also the reason why it's hard for me to initiate, I kinda know it's not gonna happen. It only happens when she initiates. Which is about twice a week now. Now personally that doesn't bother me that much, my libido is pretty dependent on my partner's wishes, but I'm hoping it isn't a sign that she's seriously losing interest. Your situation is exactly mine with my ex. I would always initiate and when I didn't, we didn't have sex. I told him that I wanted him to initiate more, but he told me he DOES initiate (okay im sorry, putting your hand on my knee is NOT initiating). Anyways, maybe its not obvious to her that you're initiating. Maybe you need to be more forward about it. As for the losing interest... well it happened to me too. I don't want a man who doesn't want me or make me feel wanted. I mean... if I always have to initiate sex... I will lose interest in the sex. Part of what turns a woman on is when a man is turned on by her, and by not initiating often we take that as you don't want us that bad, therefore we aren't as aroused by you anymore. This is just my personal situation, it really does vary and I can't tell you 100%. This is just from my personal experience. Seems now shes over the whole "Carnal" stuff and is focusing more on the emotional part of the relationship. My advice would be to just hound her like a horny dog LOL The first impression usually sticks unfortunately, so even if you are initiating more now, she still sees it as you aren't initiating enough because the only times you have sex is when she initiates. Just because you were rejected a few times doesn't mean she wants you to stop trying. It's mature of you to try more though. When I told my ex, he just flipped out and got defensive. I was never so turned off in my life.
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