iDrumKing Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Why are some girls so cold? The whole time she seemed so interested in my life. It reminded me a lot of our first date. How did she move on like nothing ever happened... How is it so easy for her... I'll never understand. I'm pretty confident like I said that I won't hear from her. And I even think the talk went well. Freaking depressing. Like I torture myself for no reason. This situation isn't gender specific. It's how you handled things that went wrong. 4
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Yeah, it sounds like this lunch completely eased her guilt and allowed her to totally move on from you free and clear. This is why we don't do these types of things.... Lesson learned?? 3
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Why are some girls so cold? The whole time she seemed so interested in my life. It reminded me a lot of our first date. How did she move on like nothing ever happened... How is it so easy for her... I'll never understand. I'm pretty confident like I said that I won't hear from her. And I even think the talk went well. Freaking depressing. Like I torture myself for no reason. Not really gender specific....just the way breakups go. They blow. Probably best you focus on you and let this go
Chi townD Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 You guys are right. And I already feel worse. I'm guessing you think she is not going to contact me. Do you think I should wait a few days and see if she does? And I definitely should not initiate contact with her again? Dude, I would be surprised if she contacted you again. There's no point. She had lunch with you. She see's you're fine and getting on with your life. You gave her every opportunity to get rid of all her guilt with that luncheon. So, she'll move on with her life and you get stuck thinking about if and when she'll contact you again. But, the fact is, YOU were the one that contacted HER for lunch. She even admitted that setting up a lunch between the two of you wasn't "the first thing on her mind". Translation? She hasn't been thinking of you at all. Chalk this up as a bonehead move and move on. This knocked you back a few pegs in your healing process. So, you need to start fresh. 3
BC1980 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Why are some girls so cold? The whole time she seemed so interested in my life. It reminded me a lot of our first date. How did she move on like nothing ever happened... How is it so easy for her... I'll never understand. I'm pretty confident like I said that I won't hear from her. And I even think the talk went well. Freaking depressing. Like I torture myself for no reason. Yup, it's torture to see your ex after the breakup for these reasons. My ex actually invited me to lunch after our breakup, and I stupidly accepted. I was wondering the same things you were. Why did it seem like he moved on so quickly. The truth is we don't know, and it's a waste of time to even wonder why. You will get to a point where you stop asking WHY, but, to get there, you need to go NC. The more time you spend in NC, the less relevant she will become. Trust me, at one point, I couldn't imagine life without my ex. Today, I just don't want anything to do with him. I honestly don't think of my life in relation to him anymore, and there was a time where my entire life seemed to be in relation to him. So you can move on. It can be done, but don't see her again. 3
somedude81 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Dude, I would be surprised if she contacted you again. There's no point. She had lunch with you. She see's you're fine and getting on with your life. You gave her every opportunity to get rid of all her guilt with that luncheon. So what should have have done? Shown up with bloodshot eyes, tear stained face and messed up hair? That way she would still feel guilty? Why is her guilt relevant at all? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 So what should have have done? Shown up with bloodshot eyes, tear stained face and messed up hair? That way she would still feel guilty? Why is her guilt relevant at all? He shouldn't have met her at all. And she wouldn't feel guilty necessarily in that scenario, she'd feel pity. And there are few things less attractive than a person you pity. But yeah, he never should have set up this meet in the first place. It was a rookie mistake. I hope he doesn't try to double down and make things worse. 2
Author jstew2000 Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 What do you mean by double down and make things worse. I need help. Im sorry I make mistakes or I love a girl that doesn't want me. I'm trying to let go. I just find it harder than most people. And my life isn't that bad. Go figure... This is harder than anything I've gone through. Whether it be death, kicking an addiction, etc... I just want help and to follow the advice I'm given.
iDrumKing Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 What do you mean by double down and make things worse. I need help. Im sorry I make mistakes or I love a girl that doesn't want me. I'm trying to let go. I just find it harder than most people. And my life isn't that bad. Go figure... This is harder than anything I've gone through. Whether it be death, kicking an addiction, etc... I just want help and to follow the advice I'm given. Trust me, losing a relationship with someone is NOT worse than death... I digress. Don't take offense to the advice given to you. Many people here have gone through the situation you're going through and are trying to give you a route that works. It's up to you to implement them. If you don't, you're just gonna end up being hurt over and over. 2
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 What do you mean by double down and make things worse. I need help. Im sorry I make mistakes or I love a girl that doesn't want me. I'm trying to let go. I just find it harder than most people. And my life isn't that bad. Go figure... This is harder than anything I've gone through. Whether it be death, kicking an addiction, etc... I just want help and to follow the advice I'm given. Double down = Trying to fix the lunch event with another, bigger grand show of affection/determination. You are no different than anybody else here. It has been incredibly hard for most, if not all of us. Just read the countless posts stating it. You have the advice. Now apply it!! 3
somedude81 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 He shouldn't have met her at all. And she wouldn't feel guilty necessarily in that scenario, she'd feel pity. And there are few things less attractive than a person you pity. But yeah, he never should have set up this meet in the first place. It was a rookie mistake. I hope he doesn't try to double down and make things worse. The point I was tyring to make is that her feelings don't matter at all. Guilty, pity, whatever it is, is irrelevant. She doesn't want to be with him. There is nothing worse than that. 2
elseaacych Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 The point I was tyring to make is that her feelings don't matter at all. Guilty, pity, whatever it is, is irrelevant. She doesn't want to be with him. There is nothing worse than that. Jstew, I hope you read this and took this to heart. All she has done to you since breaking up with you is used you to get back on her feet and feel confident. It doesn't make her a bad person, just a pathetic one. She will keep using you if you let her. It doesn't matter what she feels, because no matter her intentions, guilt, pity, love, confusion, whatever, all it will do is make you feel sad and miserable. Do you want to feel sad and miserable? If not, you gotta cut the snake's head off. Black out and go NC. Own your mistake, if you learned from it, it's a lesson. If you're not going to do it again, you're better off than maybe 75% of the people on here. Vanish from her life. and go back to living yours to the fullest. It's all going to be okay.
Chi townD Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 So what should have have done? Shown up with bloodshot eyes, tear stained face and messed up hair? That way she would still feel guilty? Why is her guilt relevant at all? Because we have an opportunity to teach them. One thing I know about most girls is that they hate the fact there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. Drives them bat sh*t crazy. By going NC and keeping strong with NC, you give them nothing. They have no idea where your head is at. They don't know if you hate them, if you're sad, if you're angry or you just don't give a damn. They have no clue! So, it teaches them that you can't treat people badly and expect them to be okay with it. That their actions have consequences. Some are so deluded that they believe they can dump a boyfriend/girlfriend; a lover, but gain a friend after they've ripped them apart. And why do they do this? Because they already knew that they were going to dump the person that they were with, they just never pulled the trigger until they decided that they were ready to do it. Therefore, they've already started to pull away from the relationship (while they're still with us). And when they finally pull that trigger, they're already leaps and bounds ahead of us in the healing process and we're a pile a blubbering goo wondering what the hell just happened. And because they are so far ahead of us, they don't understand why we can't be friends. So, letting them keep their guilt teaches them a lesson. That when you dump someone, you're going to hurt that person to some degree. Expect that person not to be your biggest fan. 2
Author jstew2000 Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 Because we have an opportunity to teach them. One thing I know about most girls is that they hate the fact there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. Drives them bat sh*t crazy. By going NC and keeping strong with NC, you give them nothing. They have no idea where your head is at. They don't know if you hate them, if you're sad, if you're angry or you just don't give a damn. They have no clue! So, it teaches them that you can't treat people badly and expect them to be okay with it. That their actions have consequences. Some are so deluded that they believe they can dump a boyfriend/girlfriend; a lover, but gain a friend after they've ripped them apart. And why do they do this? Because they already knew that they were going to dump the person that they were with, they just never pulled the trigger until they decided that they were ready to do it. Therefore, they've already started to pull away from the relationship (while they're still with us). And when they finally pull that trigger, they're already leaps and bounds ahead of us in the healing process and we're a pile a blubbering goo wondering what the hell just happened. And because they are so far ahead of us, they don't understand why we can't be friends. So, letting them keep their guilt teaches them a lesson. That when you dump someone, you're going to hurt that person to some degree. Expect that person not to be your biggest fan. Ok well I feel like crap about going and her comments about me not being the first on her mind. I feel like telling her that I forgive her but I'll never forget what she's done to me. On the other hand I feel like just letting it go and never reaching out to her again...
Always Pondering Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 I feel like telling her that I forgive her but I'll never forget what she's done to me. There's really no point telling her that and stick to NC, just forgive and remember. On the other hand I feel like just letting it go and never reaching out to her again... Yes, do this. Please stick with NC and stay strong, I promise you 100% that you will feel better down the road and things will turn brighter as time moves on if you treat yourself well. 1
KaliLove Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Ok well I feel like crap about going and her comments about me not being the first on her mind. I feel like telling her that I forgive her but I'll never forget what she's done to me. On the other hand I feel like just letting it go and never reaching out to her again... THIS! DO THIS!!! Haven't you learned your lesson? 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Ok well I feel like crap about going and her comments about me not being the first on her mind. I feel like telling her that I forgive her but I'll never forget what she's done to me. On the other hand I feel like just letting it go and never reaching out to her again... For the love of god, do not reach out again. Please.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 So, it teaches them that you can't treat people badly and expect them to be okay with it. That their actions have consequences. Some are so deluded that they believe they can dump a boyfriend/girlfriend; a lover, but gain a friend after they've ripped them apart. Meh... I could give a f*ck about teaching anybody anything. NC is 100% for your self preservation. It has absolutely 0% to do with the ex!! Bedsides, they ain't gonna learn shyte. They're so far convinced of their right-doing in their head, they see only how they have made the correct decision and nothing an ex is going to, or not do, will prove them wrong... Go NC for yourself!!! Leave the lessons for the ex at school 2
Summerrose2013 Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Because we have an opportunity to teach them. One thing I know about most girls is that they hate the fact there might be a person on this planet that hates them or doesn't think that they are a nice person. Drives them bat sh*t crazy. By going NC and keeping strong with NC, you give them nothing. They have no idea where your head is at. They don't know if you hate them, if you're sad, if you're angry or you just don't give a damn. They have no clue! So, it teaches them that you can't treat people badly and expect them to be okay with it. That their actions have consequences. Some are so deluded that they believe they can dump a boyfriend/girlfriend; a lover, but gain a friend after they've ripped them apart. And why do they do this? Because they already knew that they were going to dump the person that they were with, they just never pulled the trigger until they decided that they were ready to do it. Therefore, they've already started to pull away from the relationship (while they're still with us). And when they finally pull that trigger, they're already leaps and bounds ahead of us in the healing process and we're a pile a blubbering goo wondering what the hell just happened. And because they are so far ahead of us, they don't understand why we can't be friends. So, letting them keep their guilt teaches them a lesson. That when you dump someone, you're going to hurt that person to some degree. Expect that person not to be your biggest fan. Chi I love your posts, and take great strength from them. How did you get so wise....the hard way I'm guessing. Must kill you to see others treading the same well worn path but I guess that's just human nature.
Chi townD Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Meh... I could give a f*ck about teaching anybody anything. NC is 100% for your self preservation. It has absolutely 0% to do with the ex!! Bedsides, they ain't gonna learn shyte. They're so far convinced of their right-doing in their head, they see only how they have made the correct decision and nothing an ex is going to, or not do, will prove them wrong... Go NC for yourself!!! Leave the lessons for the ex at school Meh, you'd be surprised. Ex's tend to come crawling around trying to throw a breadcrumb months even years after they dump you, just to see if you still hate them. But, you're right, by that time, who gives a damn! But, dumpee's post on here, scratching their heads wondering why they're trying to contact them after all this time. Hell, there's about two or three active threads on this sub forum right now about it. 1
Author jstew2000 Posted April 29, 2014 Author Posted April 29, 2014 Well she did end up texting me the day after the date saying "I had a really good time at lunch with you! Hope you had fun fishing". I was short with her and just said thanks. She texted me again when she got off asking questions about my day then randomly stopped. I talked to her for the last time Sunday. She said "hey, how are you??". Then we had meaningless talk about what we were doing(small talk). She stopped the convo randomly that night. I haven't heard from her since. But last night my brother told me that she was flashing pictures of her and her ex at a bar a couple weeks ago. Just pisses me off and reassures me she's the wrong girl for me and is terribly confused... I really don't even want that drama in my life anymore. I made a mistake by going to lunch with her, but I stopped texting her when she stopped and didn't say anything emotional. So I like to think I didn't give up all my dignity and self respect. Starting NC again and this time I think I'll ignore her if she ever reaches out again. Which I doubt she will, but she did after the lunch date so who knows...
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