jstew2000 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 It's been 3 months since we broke up. Feeling stronger than I was. The last time I contacted her has been over a month. The conversations went well, but haven't heard from her since. Seems like she's moved on completely but it's hard to tell. Some people say that girls, even when they dump you will not suck up their pride and make contact. I had some friends say to see if she wants to meet for lunch/coffee. I would love to see if she wants to, but I'm in fear of being rejected again and what it would do to me. I haven't been dating anyone else, but there's no way to know for sure if she's seeing anyone. Has anyone been in this situation? Is it the dumper who always initiates contact? Do you think if she really wanted to talk I would've heard from her by now? She still kept up all of our pictures as a couple online, she hasn't done that for any other of her exs. So it doesn't seem like she's completely let go yet. She might be seeing her ex again, but I'm not sure of it. I know she's just living to the fullest it looks like, out drinking all the time.. Just all confusing and hard to forget about her. I though for sure id be over by now, or atleast not want her anymore. But that's not the case, maybe it's because I'm desperate or lonely. It's all super confusing..
KaliLove Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Unless you are ready to be 1. ignored, 2. rejected, 3. accepted but told that she has a new boyfriend, or 4. accepted but told that she's not interested in reconciliation, and you know you'll be totally ok if any of those things happen, then no, you shouldn't ask her for coffee. 7
Author jstew2000 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 So you think for sure one of those is bound to happen? That's what I'm scared about too... Obviously I'm not completely over her or I wouldn't be on here. I'm just scared to be rejected but also scared if I don't try it'll be too late.
KaliLove Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 It doesn't matter whether I think one of those things will happen or not..I cannot possibly know that. I don't know you or your ex. It only matters that you are clearly going to be a sobbing, tear-soaked, snot-dripping mess if it does. You're clearly not prepared for rejection if it happens so therefore you should not risk it. 2
Always Pondering Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Obviously I'm not completely over her Well then there is your answer. The end results will not be in your favor regardless of which scenario plays out out of all the possibilities. You should stay NC until you have moved on from her and even then you may have a different perspective on this at that point. 1
AlphaC Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 It's been 3 months since we broke up. Feeling stronger than I was. The last time I contacted her has been over a month. The conversations went well, but haven't heard from her since. Seems like she's moved on completely but it's hard to tell. Some people say that girls, even when they dump you will not suck up their pride and make contact. I had some friends say to see if she wants to meet for lunch/coffee. I would love to see if she wants to, but I'm in fear of being rejected again and what it would do to me. I haven't been dating anyone else, but there's no way to know for sure if she's seeing anyone. Has anyone been in this situation? Is it the dumper who always initiates contact? Do you think if she really wanted to talk I would've heard from her by now? She still kept up all of our pictures as a couple online, she hasn't done that for any other of her exs. So it doesn't seem like she's completely let go yet. She might be seeing her ex again, but I'm not sure of it. I know she's just living to the fullest it looks like, out drinking all the time.. Just all confusing and hard to forget about her. I though for sure id be over by now, or atleast not want her anymore. But that's not the case, maybe it's because I'm desperate or lonely. It's all super confusing.. My friend, I have been dating this girl for almost 3 months now. We have sex every time we get together, at least 4 times a week. She sleeps over my house and gets a bonus shot in the morning. She has tons of pics of her and her ex on facebook, do you think I care? There are pics of them kissing, do you think these pics bother me?? Those pics mean nothing, the ex can hold on to memories, I have her in the present!!! Pics mean nothing, they are static reflections of the past, remember that. My friend, you have to start dating other girls before you can decide if you want to rekindle, or have any type of relationship with the person who broke your heart. I can tell you from my experience, I've seen the light, the heavens have awakened my spirit, hallelujah!! I have no intention of ever talking to my ex again, I blocked her on everything: myspace, whatsapp,facebook, phone, she is blocked on everything, all of em!!! PEACE 2
jphcbpa Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I'm desperate or lonely. It's all super confusing.. this is the truth and so the answer is no. you need to accept what is, let go of what was and have faith in what will be. you need to be moving on and dating others when you are ready.
Author jstew2000 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 She wants to meet for lunch tomorrow. Now what? Lol feel like it's a road to nowhere and I'm setting myself up for rejection but in person. Should I just be cool and talk about the vacation I'm planning to Europe, work, school etc.. And how should I end the meeting? Thanks again guys
Amelie1980 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 She wants to meet for lunch tomorrow. Now what? Lol feel like it's a road to nowhere and I'm setting myself up for rejection but in person. Should I just be cool and talk about the vacation I'm planning to Europe, work, school etc.. And how should I end the meeting? Thanks again guys Cancel or stand her up. Seriously. Dont. Go.
organizedchaos Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 She wants to meet for lunch tomorrow. Now what? Lol feel like it's a road to nowhere and I'm setting myself up for rejection but in person. Should I just be cool and talk about the vacation I'm planning to Europe, work, school etc.. And how should I end the meeting? Thanks again guys Ash her why she wants to have lunch? You're not ready anyhow.
Amelie1980 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Ash her why she wants to have lunch? You're not ready anyhow. She doesnt, he does. He did the asking.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Do you hear that buzzing noise in the distance? Growing louder and louder? More terrifying with each passing moment?? Know what it is?? I thought you might!!!
iDrumKing Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 She wants to meet for lunch tomorrow. Now what? Lol feel like it's a road to nowhere and I'm setting myself up for rejection but in person. Should I just be cool and talk about the vacation I'm planning to Europe, work, school etc.. And how should I end the meeting? Thanks again guys What are you trying to get out of this meet up? Seriously dude... you shouldn't go. 1
somedude81 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 So you're hoping that by having lunch with her you two can reconcile? Good luck, you're going to need it. Just hope that she doesn't break you heart, again. 2
Author jstew2000 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 I don't know what I'm hoping. I'm confused and feel lost. Not as bad as I was. But I know everyone of you is right...
erklat Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) Who initiated contact? Edit - too slow. I don't know what I'm hoping. I'm confused and feel lost. Not as bad as I was. But I know everyone of you is right... You shouldn't go. I know how unusable I was at three months mark. I was still pining and buying presents. Hoping she would contact me. Rare are the things so attractive to women as men to whose happiness they have no impact. Edited April 23, 2014 by erklat
Author jstew2000 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 So I just had lunch with my ex... I made the mistake of texting her seeing if she wanted to meet for lunch today or tomorrow. She said shed like that and today would be good. The date or whatever you want to call it lasted a little over an hour. Conversation seemed to go pretty well. We talked about vacations planned, school, work, stuff in the future etc.. We did not mention the past or our relationship. We both paid for our own meals. I walked her to her car and said goodbye. Tried to make it quick and walk to my car but she thought it was weird that I walked away so fast because she was kind of snickering. She told me thanks for inviting her to lunch and she had a good time. I said "well I knew you wouldn't call or text me to set it up" she said "well it wasn't the first thing on my mind" then as she was looking for her keys I told her bye again. I just still feel nervous, lost, and confused a little. Not sure what the future holds between us and what I should do. Should I wait for her to contact me? If she doesn't should I shoot her a text in 3-4 days just to make convo and not ask her out again yet? The way she acted it's too hard to tell if she still has feelings for me, wants to be friends or what... I'd like to think if she didn't have any feelings at all that she would've ignored me or not met me for lunch. She knows I still love her still I'm pretty sure. I don't think she's completely stupid. If anyone has gone through something similar I would love the advice. Thank you
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 So I just had lunch with my ex... I made the mistake of texting her seeing if she wanted to meet for lunch today or tomorrow. She said shed like that and today would be good. The date or whatever you want to call it lasted a little over an hour. Conversation seemed to go pretty well. We talked about vacations planned, school, work, stuff in the future etc.. We did not mention the past or our relationship. We both paid for our own meals. I walked her to her car and said goodbye. Tried to make it quick and walk to my car but she thought it was weird that I walked away so fast because she was kind of snickering. She told me thanks for inviting her to lunch and she had a good time. I said "well I knew you wouldn't call or text me to set it up" she said "well it wasn't the first thing on my mind" then as she was looking for her keys I told her bye again. I just still feel nervous, lost, and confused a little. Not sure what the future holds between us and what I should do. Should I wait for her to contact me? If she doesn't should I shoot her a text in 3-4 days just to make convo and not ask her out again yet? The way she acted it's too hard to tell if she still has feelings for me, wants to be friends or what... I'd like to think if she didn't have any feelings at all that she would've ignored me or not met me for lunch. She knows I still love her still I'm pretty sure. I don't think she's completely stupid. If anyone has gone through something similar I would love the advice. Thank you Everyone in your other thread told you this was a bad idea...and I honestly think you've made things worse. As you said, she CLEARLY knows how you feel. You probably thought you played it smooth, but going to lunch with her soon after screams "I want us again" or "I want to be friends." You obviously dont want to be friends so.... That comment about "not the.first thing on my mind" made me cringe. I feel 100 percent that this meeting was to release guilt or she's okay with being friends. Either way, not good for you. You shouldn't talk to her at all. Put down the shovel man.
BC1980 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 I'm guessing she dumped you. I would not pursue this because it's pretty clear she doesn't want to be with you. She even said having lunch with you wasn't the first thing on her mind. I'm cringing inside. Just because she met you for lunch does not mean she wants to get back together with you. I see that a lot on LS. People think that just because their exes don't completely ignore them, it means they must still want to have a relationship with them. It means nothing of the sort. Dumpers do all sorts of things after a breakup, but, unless she is initiating contact and telling you she wants to get back together, it's a complete waste of time. You definitely need to go NC and move on with your life. It's not up to you to decipher if someone wants a relationship with you because it's actually not that difficult. Don't make it harder than it needs to be. Just move on, and be done with it. 7
Author jstew2000 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 You guys are right. And I already feel worse. I'm guessing you think she is not going to contact me. Do you think I should wait a few days and see if she does? And I definitely should not initiate contact with her again?
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 You guys are right. And I already feel worse. I'm guessing you think she is not going to contact me. Do you think I should wait a few days and see if she does? And I definitely should not initiate contact with her again? I dont think she is going to....even if she does, its to release more guilt. One of those "Hope you're doing okay" or something of that nature. Someone you will probably read into (most do) more than you should. Yes, you should not contact her. Moving on is your only course of action right now. Sucks, but thats the truth. 2
Elle1975 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 So I just had lunch with my ex... I made the mistake of texting her seeing if she wanted to meet for lunch today or tomorrow. She said shed like that and today would be good. The date or whatever you want to call it lasted a little over an hour. Conversation seemed to go pretty well. We talked about vacations planned, school, work, stuff in the future etc.. We did not mention the past or our relationship. We both paid for our own meals. I walked her to her car and said goodbye. Tried to make it quick and walk to my car but she thought it was weird that I walked away so fast because she was kind of snickering. She told me thanks for inviting her to lunch and she had a good time. I said "well I knew you wouldn't call or text me to set it up" she said "well it wasn't the first thing on my mind" then as she was looking for her keys I told her bye again. I just still feel nervous, lost, and confused a little. Not sure what the future holds between us and what I should do. Should I wait for her to contact me? If she doesn't should I shoot her a text in 3-4 days just to make convo and not ask her out again yet? The way she acted it's too hard to tell if she still has feelings for me, wants to be friends or what... I'd like to think if she didn't have any feelings at all that she would've ignored me or not met me for lunch. She knows I still love her still I'm pretty sure. I don't think she's completely stupid. If anyone has gone through something similar I would love the advice. Thank you Give it a few days and give her a call. However you should be careful as you're clearly not over her. I don't call men. Old fashion, stupid, I don't know.. I just don't (unless we've been dating for a while). I'd brace myself for a rejection though. Maybe it's what you need to move on once and for all?
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 You guys are right. And I already feel worse. I'm guessing you think she is not going to contact me. Do you think I should wait a few days and see if she does? And I definitely should not initiate contact with her again? Even if she does initiate contact, it won't be what you want it to be. It won't be for your benefit. My advice: Do NOT contact her again. And IF she does contact you, tell her after some more thought, you think it would be best to remain NC for a while. Then never contact her again...
Author jstew2000 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 Why are some girls so cold? The whole time she seemed so interested in my life. It reminded me a lot of our first date. How did she move on like nothing ever happened... How is it so easy for her... I'll never understand. I'm pretty confident like I said that I won't hear from her. And I even think the talk went well. Freaking depressing. Like I torture myself for no reason.
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