How to get him back

[elseaacych]

Here's some hard news, honey. Your ex is already gone. He may not act like he's gone in that he is "confused". However, there is nothing confusing about his actions.

 

• He dumped you
  
• He got a new girlfriend
  
• He treats you like crap when you see him
  
• He expresses no remorse for treating you badly.
  

 

This is not how you treat someone you love. If he loved you, he would be with you. He chose to do someone else.

 

You can't count on him to come back, because he's already done everything you expected he wouldn't do. You cannot predict what he can do. You can't call it GIGs, confusion, or whatever, because you do not know what he will or won't do. So you can't say he's going to come back.

 

Sure, he may contact you, and you may respond. How does that make YOU feel, when he says he can't be with you? How do YOU feel when he's a jerk to you? How do YOU feel that he left you for THIS NEW GIRLFRIEND? (Which by the way, is not you.)

 

It hurts, right? Well, you just keep setting yourself up for hurt by staying in contact with him. And you don't know whether or not he's coming back. So, while you stay unsure of what's going to happen, you just let him hurt you. Do you want to HURT?

 

The only 100% guaranteed way to make the hurt stop is to go NC. It will take awhile, but this is the only way that you can get a handle of your situation. I guarantee you, your ex will not forget you because you had a long good relationship.

 

But that relationship is done. You are now in a weird post break up relationship where he treats you as less than you deserve to be treated. He will keep treating you like that if you choose to let him. If you keep responding to him, you keep telling him it's okay to treat you like that.

 

Is it okay for him to treat you like that?

 

That's on you to answer.

[BC1980]

I just don't want to play games and I think that is how he will look at me going NC as playing mind games and that is not the approach I want to take I do not want to come off as immature. I know if I go NC within a few days of not responding he will get annoyed and run away more or claim that is another reason he does not want to be with me because i play immature games like not talking to him.

 

Who cares if he thinks you are playing games? You are not in a relationship with him, so you are making decisions for yourself at this point. It's you or him. Clearly, you are choosing him right now. You are not even at the point where you want to let go and heal. I was there too, and the view isn't nice.

[country_girl_2857]

Thank you everyone for all your help!

Update...

I was just about to log onto here a few minutes ago to say its been over 24 of NC for me and I'm in an awesome mood and feeling great about it! Almost starting to feel over the relationship (already, I know) but once I got past the concern of if he was going to text me and what I would say to whatever possible conversation scenario, it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders.

 

....and then he texted me. Of course, I was planning on not responding to anything he would say to me, but his text was a picture of his crashed truck. I responded "Are you okay?" Only because I felt it would be extremely rude/heartless not to reply to something like that no matter who it was. However, I did not jump to call him like I know he is expecting me to, or send more messages after that one as I know he is purposely not responding to my question because he wants to leave me in limbo and worry about him. Obviously I know he is ok or he wouldn't be texting me, he just wants somebody to feel sorry for him and he is not going to have me to lean on with this situation now, hah! Anyways thanks everyone for the support and helping me see all of this in a new light!

[Strength in Healing]

You are going to walk through Hell before you are over him and healed. Expect to get burned time and time and time and time again before you hit indifference. That feeling after 24 hours, 48 hours, 1 month, two months, it's all a hallucination on the scorching, desert path to strength.

 

If that isn't easily understood, what I mean is, you are not going to be over him for a long time. Expect to fall and have many horrible days, many times. They get further and further apart, though.

 

Go NC fully. This guy views you as a fool. No guy who respects a woman would do this. I'd be DAMNED if I did it to my partner. Just wouldn't go down. Get some self respect.

[country_girl_2857]

Ugh... 3 days NC and I went and broke it by replying to him, he made me feel guilty for 'not caring' about his wreck. Now I regret that, back to square one again.