Leashy55 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 The boy who has my heart and I have been dating for 3.5 years. We were with each other almost every day for the first 1.5 years. After I graduated from undergrad, I moved 2 hours away for graduate school. At first, he told me how he wanted to move with me but that wasn't true. I don't blame him because he wouldn't have anything to do where I am at at school. So he stayed back. He was supportive of me moving but also mad at me because he wanted to settle down with me. During the first couple months after I moved, he started talking to this girl who was local. She had a boyfriend of 5 years but my boyfriend began to receive an emotional attachment to her. He even admitted to having feelings for her and told her that too. Obviously, she didn't want him but still wanted to talk to him. So I tried to put an end to it. He said he had ended it, but I found out that they were still talking every once in awhile behind my back. Even to this day, he was going behind my back and contacting her. Keep in mind she is married now, but shouldn't he respect me enough to not contact her? He says now that he was stupid and has her blocked on everything. He also says he doesn't want anything to do with her. But how is that fair now? After all of this happened, the trust went to crap and I turned into a psycho. I didn't trust him on fb, snapchat, email, or with his phone at all. When I would come to see him on the weekends, I would go through every inch of his phone. But he also got good at hiding it from me by deleting messages or phone calls. I even caught her number in his phone under a different name. He said that happened when he was drunk. I have tried to get past this situation but I have been so hurt from it all. He also picks friends and drinking over me. When I would come home for the weekend, he would just want to go out with them. Yes, we would get a little bit of alone time, but definitely not as much as I wanted. We would both go out and get drunk and end up fighting the rest of the night. This last Valentine's day I had had enough. I broke up with him. He was drunk with friends and wouldn't even deal with talking to me. I asked him to come outside and talk to me for 5 minutes because I was upset and he couldn't do that. To me, it feels like he doesn't care if he hurts my feelings as long as he is having a good time and it doesn't get ruined. How selfish is that? Also, in the two years I have been at graduate school, he has probably only came to visit me about 6-8 times. It was always me running back to him to spend time with him. He says he wants to settle down, get married, and have a family but that is very hard to believe. I know that I am gone a lot but that isn't my fault. We have been talking more and we see each other once in awhile. We continue to fight while we are apart as well. Do you think he could actually change? Am I wasting my time holding onto hope for him? He always says things but never follows through with them. It is so hard to throw 3.5 years away especially when I know if I was there, it would work. Let me know what you all think! Thank you.
PhillyConnection23 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 The boy who has my heart and I have been dating for 3.5 years. We were with each other almost every day for the first 1.5 years. After I graduated from undergrad, I moved 2 hours away for graduate school. At first, he told me how he wanted to move with me but that wasn't true. I don't blame him because he wouldn't have anything to do where I am at at school. So he stayed back. He was supportive of me moving but also mad at me because he wanted to settle down with me. During the first couple months after I moved, he started talking to this girl who was local. She had a boyfriend of 5 years but my boyfriend began to receive an emotional attachment to her. He even admitted to having feelings for her and told her that too. Obviously, she didn't want him but still wanted to talk to him. So I tried to put an end to it. He said he had ended it, but I found out that they were still talking every once in awhile behind my back. Even to this day, he was going behind my back and contacting her. Keep in mind she is married now, but shouldn't he respect me enough to not contact her? He says now that he was stupid and has her blocked on everything. He also says he doesn't want anything to do with her. But how is that fair now? After all of this happened, the trust went to crap and I turned into a psycho. I didn't trust him on fb, snapchat, email, or with his phone at all. When I would come to see him on the weekends, I would go through every inch of his phone. But he also got good at hiding it from me by deleting messages or phone calls. I even caught her number in his phone under a different name. He said that happened when he was drunk. I have tried to get past this situation but I have been so hurt from it all. He also picks friends and drinking over me. When I would come home for the weekend, he would just want to go out with them. Yes, we would get a little bit of alone time, but definitely not as much as I wanted. We would both go out and get drunk and end up fighting the rest of the night. This last Valentine's day I had had enough. I broke up with him. He was drunk with friends and wouldn't even deal with talking to me. I asked him to come outside and talk to me for 5 minutes because I was upset and he couldn't do that. To me, it feels like he doesn't care if he hurts my feelings as long as he is having a good time and it doesn't get ruined. How selfish is that? Also, in the two years I have been at graduate school, he has probably only came to visit me about 6-8 times. It was always me running back to him to spend time with him. He says he wants to settle down, get married, and have a family but that is very hard to believe. I know that I am gone a lot but that isn't my fault. We have been talking more and we see each other once in awhile. We continue to fight while we are apart as well. Do you think he could actually change? Am I wasting my time holding onto hope for him? He always says things but never follows through with them. It is so hard to throw 3.5 years away especially when I know if I was there, it would work. Let me know what you all think! Thank you. I'm going to focus on the last paragraph. You fight when you are apart? Probably not a good sign and one that shows a level of emotional immaturity. Do I think he can actually change? Of course, will he? who knows. Saying and following through with things are two very different results. A lot of people in your professional life will promise you the world but fail to deliver. Are you ok with a partner saying one thing but not taking the initiative to change it? As someone that is also thinking "I know it would work if I was there," I try to not dwell on "what ifs." Its a crappy response and one that I hated to hear but the fact of the matter is you can't focus on that. You life has sent you down one path and on one direction. I'm going to assume that you WANTED to be on that path. This is a good thing because if you aren't happy as yourself, you will never be happy in a relationship.
sumathi Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Your boyfriend seems very immature. Do you really trust him? If you keep fighting and arguing with him for every issues he will soon outgrow you. He was very wrong to have become friendly with another girl when you were away. It shows that his love does not have any depth. If you cannot trust him, do not be hasty in marrying him as your life will never be happy.You cannot keep spying on him to verify whether he is loyal to you, can you? Marriage is built around love and also trust. Unless there is trust your marriage is bound to fail. If you have any doubts about him you can ask him directly. If his answers are wavering and shifty, you must end your relationship. You will get over him if you consider that you have escaped from such a fickle minded person.
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