Author emptyruins Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 I agree, OP let the little girl live, date someone closer to your age. She is not your daughter, sounds to me like you are suffocating this child and now you dump her and want advice on how to get her back? It might be too late my friend, she is 25 and in her peak, she might have moved on the day you dumped her. Let me give you a little advice. At 40, a man should be confident, experienced enough to not be going head over heals for a woman. He should have more important things to focus on than what his little young girlfriend posts on facebook. Last but not least, he should NOT be dating women 15 years his junior, this girl could be your daughter. I am sure you date young girls because a woman your age wouldn't put up with your controlling behavior. You are too insecure for this girl, work on yourself and then find a woman closer to your age and maturity level. Peace Really, I didn't know I could have children at 15. I'm not looking for insults, just some advice. I feel sick to my stomach over this situation and you don't know my situation either. Everyone's situation is different in life. Who says you have to have certain feelings or date certain people at certain times in your life. We are both in the same situation as far as career wise goes. And 25 is not a kid. To me it's a woman.
melodymatters Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Eh, my H and I have a similar age difference except with me being the older partner and are going on 3 yrs of the BEST relationship ever. BUT, we share the same values, and unfortunately Facebook behavior has become a "value" in this day and age. We BOTH had ex's stalk, hack and do insane things via FB to break us apart, so we simply instituted a no ex's on FB rule and we BOTH feel good about it. If you're not on the same page, ( and were not even talking about FB posts here, we're talking about getting sweaty late at night with an ex F*ck !) unfortunately I do not see things working out long term. I'm sorry, I can sense your pain. 1
Author emptyruins Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 Eh, my H and I have a similar age difference except with me being the older partner and are going on 3 yrs of the BEST relationship ever. BUT, we share the same values, and unfortunately Facebook behavior has become a "value" in this day and age. We BOTH had ex's stalk, hack and do insane things via FB to break us apart, so we simply instituted a no ex's on FB rule and we BOTH feel good about it. If you're not on the same page, ( and were not even talking about FB posts here, we're talking about getting sweaty late at night with an ex F*ck !) unfortunately I do not see things working out long term. I'm sorry, I can sense your pain. Thanks Melody. Even though we are not on the same page It's so hard to let go. I really love her and it hurts me, for her to believe this is ok.
MidwestUSA Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Really, I didn't know I could have children at 15. I'm not looking for insults, just some advice. I feel sick to my stomach over this situation and you don't know my situation either. Everyone's situation is different in life. Who says you have to have certain feelings or date certain people at certain times in your life. We are both in the same situation as far as career wise goes. And 25 is not a kid. To me it's a woman. Google Vili Fualaau. You're entitled to any feelings at any age, of course. But if you haven't studied up on the biology of the prefrontal cortex, well, you're just banging your head against the wall defending your choice here. Read up on it and come back.
Author emptyruins Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 Google Vili Fualaau. You're entitled to any feelings at any age, of course. But if you haven't studied up on the biology of the prefrontal cortex, well, you're just banging your head against the wall defending your choice here. Read up on it and come back. I see. He was a minor at the time. It says they're living happily together.
MidwestUSA Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 I see. He was a minor at the time. It says they're living happily together. And the prefrontal cortex info?
Author emptyruins Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 And the prefrontal cortex info? 20s and beyond According to recent findings, the human brain does not reach full maturity until at least the mid-20s. (See J. Giedd in References.) The specific changes that follow young adulthood are not yet well studied, but it is known that they involve increased myelination and continued adding and pruning of neurons. As a number of researchers have put it, "the rental car companies have it right." The brain isn't fully mature at 16, when we are allowed to drive, or at 18, when we are allowed to vote, or at 21, when we are allowed to drink, but closer to 25, when we are allowed to rent a car. She's 25.
melodymatters Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Google Vili Fualaau. You're entitled to any feelings at any age, of course. But if you haven't studied up on the biology of the prefrontal cortex, well, you're just banging your head against the wall defending your choice here. Read up on it and come back. Oh My Goodness ! He was 13 at the time and she was his teacher, AND, they ARE still together as odd as that might seem ! Everyone is not the same developmentally. I can't speak for my H's prefrontal cortex, but as he was over 6 ft at 10 yrs old and well into puberty AND has worked his azz off since he was 13 I feel confident that he is as mature if not THE more mature person in my relationship. The OP is NOT asking about age gaps, there's a whole new thread devoted to that. He is asking about FB behavior and a broken heart.
MidwestUSA Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Melody, that was strictly in response to OP's statement that he did not know he could have children at fifteen. Hard to believe, but I guess there are people out there who don't know. As for the Facebook thing, it sounds like she's acting pretty typical for her age. 1
Author emptyruins Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 My girlfriend and I recently broke up a few days ago. We've been in a relationship for 2 years. The reason why I ended it was in this earlier post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/473697-looking-some-facebook-issue. Out relationship was somewhat rocky now and then. We argued. Mostly because she would continue to talk to past flings which bothered me, however I trusted her and we were pretty much inseperable. She said they were friends and she considered them her friends. Today I texted her wanting her back and this is what she said: "If you didn't want us to break up, you would have never put it on the table. I do love you, but to be honest, my life is not going the way it should be. From the age of 15 to 25 I've only had one year to myself to find out what I want. And I didn't even accomplish that because me and you got together. I do love you ALOT but I didn't realize till now that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I spent 2 years forcing myself into a mold that I was never meant to fit in but I did it because I cared for you so much and I wanted us to work. But because of this, I feel that was a major cause of the majority of our issues. You always told me I was selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings, and you know what? Maybe I was. Not on purpose. I was trying to live my own life." I really do love her. Any advice on how to get her back? Maybe I'm just delirious on not understanding what this means right now. I'm a total mess, and cannot focus on anything except this. Advice would be much appreciated.
Author emptyruins Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 I forgot to mention she was in a 5 year relationship before we met. She was 23 when we met.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 "If you didn't want us to break up, you would have never put it on the table. I do love you, but to be honest, my life is not going the way it should be. From the age of 15 to 25 I've only had one year to myself to find out what I want. And I didn't even accomplish that because me and you got together. I do love you ALOT but I didn't realize till now that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I spent 2 years forcing myself into a mold that I was never meant to fit in but I did it because I cared for you so much and I wanted us to work. But because of this, I feel that was a major cause of the majority of our issues. You always told me I was selfish and inconsiderate of your feelings, and you know what? Maybe I was. Not on purpose. I was trying to live my own life." Translation = I don't want to date YOU anymore. Don't be surprised if you find her in another RS immediately or very soon. Best not to look!!! Your best course of action = 100% total and complete NC. Move on and heal. But something tells me this is not what you will do... 1
Author emptyruins Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 Translation = I don't want to date YOU anymore. Don't be surprised if you find her in another RS immediately or very soon. Best not to look!!! Your best course of action = 100% total and complete NC. Move on and heal. But something tells me this is not what you will do... You honestly think she would be? That it's all BS?
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 You honestly think she would be? That it's all BS? Just remember, nothing is as it seems. Dumpers say all kinds of things for all kinds of reasons. I could be wrong, but like I said, don't be surprised if you find out something very unpleasant. That's why it's best not to look!!! Just worry about yourself from now on. You are the only one who is going to!!
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 I really do love her. Any advice on how to get her back? Maybe I'm just delirious on not understanding what this means right now. I'm a total mess, and cannot focus on anything except this. Advice would be much appreciated. You can't get her back. Only she can decide that. Anything you do now will come across as manipulative at best, and needy, clingy and pathetic at worst. Try to occupy your time and thoughts with any kind of distraction. Gym, reading, TV, movies, friends, etc... Worst thing you can do is sit around and think!!!
Author emptyruins Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 You can't get her back. Only she can decide that. Anything you do now will come across as manipulative at best, and needy, clingy and pathetic at worst. Try to occupy your time and thoughts with any kind of distraction. Gym, reading, TV, movies, friends, etc... Worst thing you can do is sit around and think!!! I know but the pain is unbearable. All I do is think of her. I felt like I had to end it, yet I feel all the pain it's causing.
Author emptyruins Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 Please does anyone else have some advice?
iDrumKing Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Please does anyone else have some advice? Dude everyone has BEEN giving you advice. Go NC because this girl really doesn't want a relationship right now, not with you at least. You can't force her to do that. I can tell you're looking for some magic words to reassure yourself that things will be okay and you two will be back together, but you're not gonna find that here. Keep to yourself. It's only been a couple of days and it's obvious that your reacting off emotion. Which is normal... Just be with yourself for now to sort things out 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 Please does anyone else have some advice? There really isnt advice we can give you other than leave her alone. Biker nailed it earlier. I think you breaking up with her just expiated what she was probably wanting to do. Sounds like she is wanting to go down this road. Either way, whats done is done. Just keep moving forward. 1
Author emptyruins Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 So I sit here on a Friday night feeling unbearable pain. I've eaten about 2 apples and 2 protein shakes since Monday. I haven't gotten any sleep. I called out of work the entire week. I literally feel sick to my stomach...got a fever. I have know idea how to cope right now. I broke up with her, but I felt it had to be done. Throughout the relationship I felt she was inconsiderate and selfish and she finally admitted that in her last text that she "wants to live her life." I've told her throughout the relationship and that caused a lot of our arguments. She said it wasn't on purpose, but she didn't know until now that she wasn't ready for a relationship. She loves me but she wants time to herself. I tried to get her back. I've been N/C since yesterday. I'm a wreck. In our relationship i felt she took me for granted and yet I love her so much. How can I be so weak. How can I stop feeling sorry for myself? This is so hard. Has anyone else been devastated by breakup that they had to enforce because you knew the other person was not going to do it? Honestly I didn't want to do it. I really didn't. But I was angry, hurt, resentful. And all the past arguments were brought up, and new ones reared its ugly head.
Author emptyruins Posted April 30, 2014 Author Posted April 30, 2014 So Since I last posted, My ex-girlfriend and I had contact. She initiated Saturday night. She told me that I was the one to break up with her and explained her side of the story that they were just friends, and how I don't let her live her life. She was at work, had to go, and told me to text her throughout the night. Through our texts, she just kept asking me why i was out of control, and I told her I was a little jealous how this ex-fling kept popping his head throughout our time together. Lastly at 6am I texted her how we can make it work. Spilling my guts. I panicked when she didn't respond and 2 hours later called her twice. Then around 4pm I sent her a text asking her why she wants to text and then I don't hear from her. She called me back angry saying this is what I mean about you. Give me a chance, I worked throughout the night and afterwards I went right to sleep. So Sunday afternoon, I pleaded begging her to take me back. She then turned everything around on me. I told her that when I asked other people about hanging out and talking to an ex-fling they said it was not right. She said when she asked others they said there was no problem with that. I then replied yeah but did you tell them that you slept with him? She said NO. That's between Me and you. I said well i told them the correct story, and then she flipped-out saying that she doesnt want her name out there and how its between us. Then I retracted and said no I didn't tell them you slept with him-only dated him. Then she proceeded to put me in another corner and say, "see, You Lied to try to make your point valid. You'll never change. How can you make a valid point when you lie?" That mean there is no validity to it. But honestly how the hell can anyone gauge and give a right answer if they don't know the entire story!? How can she not see that this is wrong??? She said she loves me but needs time to her self. We didn't work, we always argued. She said things were better between us when we were not in a relationship and later when things are different, we may wind up together. I asked, "So right now we should see other people?" She said, " No. I do want to continue talking and have you in my life." She ended with saying "text me." Later that night, we texted small talk like nothing happend. I haven't texted her since Sunday night which ended on small talk. I'm totally confused, and have been suffering since our breakup Last Tuesday. I haven't been able to go to work, sleep, eat. I'm a wreck. All I can think of is how I can get her back. What's she doing? How does she feel? She wants to continue to talk but also wants her freedom. How do I show her I'm a better person because of this? Eventhough i still do not agree with her talking to an ex-fling I gave in at the end. I just want her back and the pain to stop. All these mixed emotions are killing me and making me sick. Idk whether to try and text her every now and then or just go NC. I don't want to make her feel better by being there, yet I want to be with her and try to get her back. Anyone please have some advice? I desperately need to talk to someone. This is sooo painful.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 2 things going on here: 1. Gas-lighting 2. Cake-eating You want to end this non-sense? 100% NC from this second on...
Always Pondering Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 Like everyone has advised, you should definitely go NC. Personally, I think that's even better for you right now since you're a complete wreck. Even hypothetically if you somehow had the opportunity to get back with her (which I don't see happening) then you'd be a mess jumping back into a relationship that had issues and argued a lot. I feel you are waiting for someone to give you good advice on how to "get her back". Well in all honesty I feel you have already lost her and you should just go with NC even though that's not what you'd like to hear. I feel if you somehow got back together, it'd be an absolute disaster and things would fall apart even worse. Just go NC as people on LS have been saying and figure things out in your life so that you're more healthy. Prevent yourself from hurting yourself more and pushing her so far into oblivion that she ends up not even wanting to talk at all or any other worse outcome.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 I asked, "So right now we should see other people?" She said, " No. I do want to continue talking and have you in my life." This is right out of chapter one of the dumpers guide. If you fall for this and really think she won't start seeing someone as soon as something sparks her interest, I've got some beachfront property in Arizona to sell ya... 1
MidwestUSA Posted April 30, 2014 Posted April 30, 2014 This is right out of chapter one of the dumpers guide. If you fall for this and really think she won't start seeing someone as soon as something sparks her interest, I've got some beachfront property in Arizona to sell ya... Why is she using the dumpers guide when he broke up with her? OP, all that begging and pleading is extremely unattractive. I think you put the final nails in the coffin, now get started on NC.
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