Sgt. Pepper Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 My fiancé and I have been long distance for 9 month. We met once from November to December and she lost her virginity to me. It is something she regrets and feels traumatized over because she thought she was ready at the one but realized later she was not. I am the only man she has ever even kisses. I am the only guy she has dated. She is 19 and I am 23. We've had a rocky last few months but I'm gonna visit her for four days in May. My question is is there any chance of us making love again? I have felt desire for her and I really want to go down on her I've never gone down on a woman before.
CarrieT Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Honestly, it doesn't sound like it... Why is she traumatized? How can you alleviate her regret? You probably can't and putting demands on her will only traumatized her again. Go with no expectations and accept whatever she gives you, how little she gives you, and be kind, appreciative, and gracious (who knows, you might get more). 1
TMichaels Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 My fiancé and I ... she lost her virginity to me... I really want to go down on her I've never gone down on a woman before. Sorry, but... How could this woman have lost her virginity to you but you've never gone down on a woman? What you wrote makes no sense unless your fiancé isn't a woman or you don't have a clue about what "losing one's virginity" or "going down on a woman" means. Best, TMichaels
Hope Shimmers Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Sorry, but... How could this woman have lost her virginity to you but you've never gone down on a woman? What you wrote makes no sense unless your fiancé isn't a woman or you don't have a clue about what "losing one's virginity" or "going down on a woman" means. Best, TMichaels With all due respect, based on this post I think you are the one who doesn't understand what 'going down on a woman' means.... 6
Candy_Pants Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 You should be worrying about her and her feelings, not you and your dick. 8
InnocentMan Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Sorry, but... How could this woman have lost her virginity to you but you've never gone down on a woman? What you wrote makes no sense unless your fiancé isn't a woman or you don't have a clue about what "losing one's virginity" or "going down on a woman" means. Best, TMichaels .
LittleTiger Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Sorry, but... How could this woman have lost her virginity to you but you've never gone down on a woman? What you wrote makes no sense unless your fiancé isn't a woman or you don't have a clue about what "losing one's virginity" or "going down on a woman" means. Best, TMichaels TMichaels, your posts are usually so helpful, logical and well thought out. Did you really write this or has somebody accessed your LS account? 1
Smilecharmer Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 What is so traumatizing about losing your virginity to your bf? Did you two spend more real life time together than just that one time when you had sex? If not, maybe you just didn't know each other very well so she feels like she gave her virginity to a stranger. Let her know that you expect nothing and try to be more about seeing her and connecting to her rather than sex. It is pretty obvious that she isn't into having sex with you because of her traumatic feelings about the subject.
Smilecharmer Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Sorry, but... How could this woman have lost her virginity to you but you've never gone down on a woman? What you wrote makes no sense unless your fiancé isn't a woman or you don't have a clue about what "losing one's virginity" or "going down on a woman" means. Best, TMichaels TMichaels, Just in case you really are confused about what the OP meant...losing ones virginity usually means penis in vagina sex. Going down on a woman means cunnilingus/oral sex. The OP is correct that you can lose your virginity and not have oral sex. 1
TMichaels Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 TMichaels, Just in case you really are confused about what the OP meant...losing ones virginity usually means penis in vagina sex. Going down on a woman means cunnilingus/oral sex. The OP is correct that you can lose your virginity and not have oral sex. That's one definition, Smilecharmer, et al. However, sexual stimulation/activity of any kind including oral/anal/masturbation/ for the first time is also considered "losing one's virginity." Don't believe me? Look it up. Regardless, I agree with CandyPants. OP, if you want your first sexual encounter with your g/f to be your last, keep ignoring what she says and how she feels. Another hint: Look up and get a grip on the concept of "foreplay." If you had, you would have already covered "all the bases" so to speak, and increased your chances that your g/f wouldn't be in the head space she's in now. Best, TMichaels
HeavenOrHell Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 The OP wasn't talking about who's lost their virginity, or the definition of virginity, they have both lost their's, she lost his to him as he said, but he's never given oral sex to a woman. That's one definition, Smilecharmer, et al. However, sexual stimulation/activity of any kind including oral/anal/masturbation/ for the first time is also considered "losing one's virginity." Don't believe me? Look it up. Regardless, I agree with CandyPants. OP, if you want your first sexual encounter with your g/f to be your last, keep ignoring what she says and how she feels. Another hint: Look up and get a grip on the concept of "foreplay." If you had, you would have already covered "all the bases" so to speak, and increased your chances that your g/f wouldn't be in the head space she's in now. Best, TMichaels 3
hoping2heal Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 OK what? She tells you she feels regretful and traumatized by her decision to have sex with you. You claim to love this woman, but your write a post asking if in spite of this you might get to have sex again because YOU desire it. This is quickly shaping up to be a "I love how you make me feel" "I love what you do for me" not "I love you" scenarios. 4
Smilecharmer Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 That's one definition, Smilecharmer, et al. However, sexual stimulation/activity of any kind including oral/anal/masturbation/ for the first time is also considered "losing one's virginity." Don't believe me? Look it up. Regardless, I agree with CandyPants. OP, if you want your first sexual encounter with your g/f to be your last, keep ignoring what she says and how she feels. Another hint: Look up and get a grip on the concept of "foreplay." If you had, you would have already covered "all the bases" so to speak, and increased your chances that your g/f wouldn't be in the head space she's in now. Best, TMichaels The OP clearly stated no going downtown so it was clear what he meant. You can define oral sex as losing ones virginity but the majority of people in the world believe it is PIV sex. I understand you are embarrassed by not knowing the difference but don't try to shame the OP into not giving proper foreplay when it was clearly his first time and foreplay can vary from time to time. She felt guilt, not dissatisfaction at his Lovemaking skills. It is probably a religious or cultural expectation that makes her feel this way, not his lack of experience in foreplay.
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 My fiancé and I have been long distance for 9 month. We met once from November to December and she lost her virginity to me. It is something she regrets and feels traumatized over because she thought she was ready at the one but realized later she was not. I am the only man she has ever even kisses. I am the only guy she has dated. She is 19 and I am 23. We've had a rocky last few months but I'm gonna visit her for four days in May. My question is is there any chance of us making love again? I have felt desire for her and I really want to go down on her I've never gone down on a woman before. Maybe. However, I am a bit concerned that she would feel traumatized by making love with her betrothed, unless you are throwing the word fiancé around without it's proper meaning. You need to talk to her to find out why she was so traumatized. If you are engaged, it doesn't make sense to me that she's freaking out. You can't marry this woman if you are facing a lifetime of celibacy. Romance her. Send her flowers before you arrive. Send 1-2 snail mail, sappy cards. Look at the Blue Mountain card selection in your local store; they tend to be very mushy. Every day send her a flirty text, e-mail, or FB post. When you get there & greet her, pick her up & swing her around in your arms. Really make a fuss. Take her out to dinner somewhere romantic. . . white table cloths, candle light, soft music etc. Draw her a bubble bath. Set the stage with candlelight. Give her a massage. Make it all about her. Whisper sweet nothings. Take your time. Make it about intimacy, not sex.
ThisGal Posted April 25, 2014 Posted April 25, 2014 lol funny thread Don't worry about sex, just let things happen naturally. Go with the flow. If she wants sex you'll know. But don't expect sex while you're with her for the 4 days. It's normal for some women to feel guilty or traumatized. I did after losing my virginity at 21 because I had made a vow to wait until I was married...which didn't happen that way. Just don't force her. Enjoy her companionship!
justwhoiam Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I am the only man she has ever even kissed You definitely moved too quickly. If you knew she never even kissed a guy before and had sex with her so soon, you didn't consider the consequences. If you went by her 'yes', you should have waited a bit more, at the cost of coming across as an idiot. A girl might think a gentleman is an idiot at times, but he'll still be a gentleman in her eyes, and nothing is going to take that away. It might sound complicated, but it's not. is there any chance of us making love again? I have felt desire for her and I really want to go down on her I've never gone down on a woman before. 1) Always put her needs before yours. 2) Cuddle her all the time with no expectations of making love, but most importantly not hinting in any way, that she should do anything for you in return. Stick to those 2 simple rules and you'll be just fine. You talked to her before meeting her for around 4 months. Then since meeting her, another 4 months or so went by. She needs to feel comfortable around you. But most of all: loved. And when you have such long gaps between meetings, and right at the start of a relationship, it's not easy. Make sure she's comfortable with you, with no pressure, and encourage whatever she feels like doing. But also suggest nice things to do while you're there for 4 days. Don't go there without any plans. You might not need them, but in case she's hesitant, and doesn't know what to do or where to go, have options and let her pick from a number of different choices you prepared in advance.
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