Heylol112 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I've been with this girl for 4.5 almost 5 years. I was her first love, and she was the first person i ever dated.we broken up but she called me to say she was pregnant. Recently she had a abortion. I took care of her all the time, because she couldn't work and she always was vomiting. She would always talk about what we should name the baby, what to get for it, where to shop; Who we should invite. She sounded so happy. Because she always told me she wanted a baby from me. And that it would make her the happiest girl ever. She even did the things like couples did cuddled, asked to stay cause she was lonely. I did my fair share of mistakes and she has too. We always pull through cause we didn't want to give up. I was angry one time cause she broke up with me and i told i would post her pics online. But I was just angry. Then the thing that amazed me was that she converted to Islam because of me. She told everyone there too. then she moved back to her moms house. and she began to change. That one night she just was so angry at me and kept bashing me for my mistakes and past of what i did. I get why she was mad part of it was no sex, but her condition made me not want to. But the thing about not doing anything different. I had plans for it. But it was a Surprise, she always wants me to tell her on the spot and if I don’t she gets mad at me. But how can I be romantic if I tell you immediately. She's hurt i get it, but I was trying to surprise her after the abortion to take her out and even go on vacation but she never let me speak. She says this is Forever, and that the 4.5 almost 5 years meant nothing to her. I changed after she was pregnant i wasn't that person with negativity. I am much more positive now. She always is talking about being single and the life is great. But I know inside it hurts her. After converting and the history behind it all. I'm doing the No contact thing. I have no need to right now. But if she comes back. I want to do this one last thing with her. thats what my plan is. But I'm not worrying about it cause I know she's going through a phase. She's mad and angry. I get how it works if I let her cool down.
TheKook Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 It sounds like a really weird situation. Exes do come back, yes, but the problem is that when they do, the ensuing relationship is almost always toxic. Second chances very rarely ever work out in the end. Your best bet is to just remain in NC and move on with your feelings, but if she does come back you can try again. Just don't expect it to be the same as it was before, because it never is.
FitChick Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 When exes come back, you usually remember why they are an "ex." Don't settle for sloppy seconds. Find someone new and start over with a clean slate. 2
Jiivy Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 I think for those us freshly left behind - reconciliation is usually the ultimate dream. There are people out there who have the strength of mind to say "screw you, I deserve better." I'm not one of those people. I do believe that like you as a unique person on this world, so is your relationship. There's no one formula or sweeping idea that will tell you what happens in the future. That has to play out for itself. What determines the OUTCOME of any potential reconciliation is who you become then and who they also become. Do you grow from the relationship to resent your ex? Are you still hung up on them and carry the same problems that caused it to break down initially??? Work your way through it the best way you can. Whatever that is. Let the future work itself out. 1
Cerulean Blue Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 In my experience Exs always come back - but they mightn't be under the circumstances like you imagine/wish. In my experience, All but one of my three Exs (dumper or dumpee - except the current one) reached out expressing deep regret about the initial break-up and wanted a second chance (or at least that possibility to be entertained). Unfortunately, they either came in when I was dating someone else, or had none of their problems fixed and our 'new' relationship' would have been a repeat of the past. I also don't believe in Exs becoming completely over you or vice-versa. If you could attract them before, you have the capacity to attract them again. What makes things appear as though they are over you is if they are infatuated/ preoccupied by a good/loving relationship. Just imagine when you're already in love with someone - you just don't really pay attention to anyone else!
iDrumKing Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 It happens... But the relationship is FOREVER changed. I don't mean that in a good way either. Success stories happen, but that why you have to dig to find them since they are very rare. Keep NC for you, not to get her back.
redbaron005 Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 There are people out there who have the strength of mind to say "screw you, I deserve better." I'm not one of those people. We all deserve a better us, and by taking the time to reflect on our weaknesses as a partner and person and setting achievable goals to make changes in those areas, we can always achieve this. This will inevitably make us more attractive to our ex and/or others. 3
Author Heylol112 Posted April 24, 2014 Author Posted April 24, 2014 (edited) It sounds like a really weird situation. Exes do come back, yes, but the problem is that when they do, the ensuing relationship is almost always toxic. Second chances very rarely ever work out in the end. Your best bet is to just remain in NC and move on with your feelings, but if she does come back you can try again. Just don't expect it to be the same as it was before, because it never is. Yeah, I know. I'm willing to work it back up again. I'm totally changed. More Positive after the pregnancy. I'm not really stressing about it. I just want her to realize that what i did, I did it for myself and for her. Our history is alot. and I know for a fact she's hiding her feelings to hate me and eating alot now is what i hear. Edited April 24, 2014 by Heylol112
Jiivy Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 We all deserve a better us, and by taking the time to reflect on our weaknesses as a partner and person and setting achievable goals to make changes in those areas, we can always achieve this. This will inevitably make us more attractive to our ex and/or others. Oh, I didn't mean that I don't think I deserve better. I absolutely do. I mean that I'm not capable of simply switching off my affection - or at the very least telling my ex it's their loss and walking away. I cried, I begged, I wanted nothing more than to understand and work on my relationship before letting it collapse. I also don't believe we're always the one at fault. There is never something we can't improve on and I'm sure there were things we could have done better, exactly as you've said. We should work on those. I simply think it's too easy to look at those growing points and point the entire finger of blame for the end of the relationship. We absolutely shouldn't internalise our sorrow this way, that's how we end up developing an infection in our recovery...we start to take responsibility for what might be the scapegoat problem our ex planted to justify their end, or at the very least over-egg a problem with our personality that's really only a minor issue. If I look in to my heart and ask myself honestly - did I truly love and cherish this woman? Did I give her my best? I can absolutely say yes. The self deprecation melts away and I'm left remembering that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't me that was the problem. 2
OJ loved Nicole Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Mine came back... but not because anything I did/said to her. My story below. My EX came back, how it happened
hoping2heal Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 It has been my experience that, yes. They do. But, it's when you have already realized why the RS didn't work out and moved on, want or have found better for yourself. Damn those kickers At least you think "Damn, thank God I didn't get back with that guy (or girl)" in hindsight.
SCJACK Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 Mine came back... but not because anything I did/said to her. My story below. My EX came back, how it happened There's absolutely no point in being friends after a BU in any relationship is there? Of course none of us signed up to get into relationships just to be friends with them. We all might as well delete our ex's and as soon as the next breadcrumbs come in tell them to lose our numbers too and tell them what you said lol. But I still struggle with deleting ex on fb etc. because afraid of losing them forever :/
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