She doesn't say I love you back?

[Sgt. Pepper]

My gf and I have been in an LDR for 9 months

Last few months or so have been ruff because I've been very insecure, needy and smothering. I also rushed things.

 

Two weeks ago, all of her pent up anger and dissatisfaction came to a head and we nearly broke up. She had given me several last chances to stop being insecure and I didn't. Anyway, she decided to stay provided I change.

 

She has been very whisky washy and back and forth and her uncertainty has just made me smothering again. She says if she wanted to leave , she would've left a longtime ago. She told a mutual frowns that to her everything is fine but I overthink everything and that if she doesn't reply within ten minutes I think she's gonna leave. She's stated repeatedly we are still together but the reason I'm confused is she doesn't act it.

 

She does not say I love you back anymore when I say it. Even we go to bed sh does not say it back.

She tells me she's going to bed at 11 and has me go off skype every night at that one only for her to stay up til 5am on te internet

She sometimes refers to me by pet names but doesn't refer to herself as wife anymore. She referred to herself as homegirl to me.

She is indifferent about me coming to visit.

She took off the promise ring I got her. And says it will go back on when I deserve it.

She gets very short and annoyed with me easily.

She never talks affectionate and does not respond to me saying affectionate things anymore like kisses or things like that.

 

She still says I love you and that she misses me and calls me her pet names, but only when she feels like it.

 

One day I went NC and she went nuts, she called me a dozen times and left a bunch of texts and was scared and even called a froend. She said I scared her and she thought I was mad at her.

 

She does still at times talk about our future and future plans.

 

I just worry that despite her saying she's with me and despite her saying I love you at times, I just worry that she's friend zoning me and not even realizing it. Mutual friends say she's just mad and stressed and needs time to heal Fromm nonsense.

[KaliLove]

Uhh..she's a psycho control freak. This relationship is doomed.

[redbaron005]

The honeymoon phase is over, the relationship is now going to be a lot more work for her and you. You should talk with her about what exactly she wants out of the relationship and what you want, and your current feelings towards each other, and where you see things going from here. Be direct, have the conversation in person if possible. If you really love this girl, do not forgo this conversation and make the same mistake I made with my LDR.

[zivo]

To be honest I think you need to man up and take control of the relationship. I dont know about everyone on here but I believe when a mans in charge of a relationship it ends up much better for both parties. Girls get to emotional and are a lot more clingy than men in general so thats one of the reasons.

 

I think you need to talk to her and ask her straight up why shes being like this to you. If she tells you she will put on her ring when you deserve it I would be so pissed off and that and would never look at her again to be honest.

 

I would start talking to other girls on the side and just doing things for yourself more, get more independent and see how she reacts. She should get jealous and want to be more friendly to you, if she doesnt than she doesnt really want to be with you anyways and its time to move on.

[sooshi]

This is your fiancee, not your girlfriend. I'm not sure why you call her one or the other?

 

Kali is right. This relationship is doomed.

 

She's put you on probation. She flips out when she thinks you change your passwords. She can't take it if she doesn't hear from you for one day. You're both really insecure, and she is really controlling.

 

You got out of an engagement last May, and then you got into a relationship in July and were talking about marriage by the end of the month. Dude, you're 23. What's the rush? Your relationship carries tons of issues, on top of all of the many issues that you carry individually. You're both so young and simply aren't ready for a stable and healthy commitment.