I asked him out, he said yes. But now...?

[arcticmonkey]

So, as the title suggests, I asked him out, and he said yes, but I'm a bit confused as to where I stand with this guy. Here's the backstory:

 

I'm in college and have had a few classes with this guy. We've gotten to know each other over the past few months, but only talk in class. We haven't gotten lunch together or talked at a party (we both live off campus and only see each other in class), and we're not friends on facebook.

 

I'm totally into him, and he seems interested in me. Whenever we talk he gives me undivided attention, and we're always making each other laugh. We've grown close enough to have ongoing inside jokes about the class. It's obvious that we've got some pretty good chemistry, and we've got a lot in common, especially music. I'm 99% sure he doesn't have a girlfriend. A few weeks ago he told me about how his friends were trying to set him up with a girl at a party, and he made it clear to me that he didn't like her in the slightest and found her "annoying" because all she did was talk about her sorority or something. (Any thoughts about that? Was that his way of saying, hey I'm single?)

 

Anyway, two nights ago we had an extended lab until close to 10:00 in the evening. As lab was getting out I asked if he could walk with me to my car, which I had parked in the far lot. I didn't feel safe walking alone, and he agreed and he said had parked over there, too.

 

During the walk we made small talk about homework or whatever, and when we got to my car that's when I asked him out. I just looked at him and asked if he wanted to go somewhere with me sometime, like to a club, concert or party. I was kinda ambiguous about place and time, but made it clear that it would be you-and-me. He said sure (and was genuinely happy!), and that he could drive to wherever it would be and to let him know when I wanted to go. This was my first time asking someone out, and I think I did an okay job.

 

I think we left it with a mutual feeling that I will get back to him with future, more concrete plans. After he got into his car (which was a few rows away) and he sped down the street, really gunning/revving the engine (What was that about? Was he excited or trying to get away from me? lol).

 

Here's the monkey-wrench: The next day in class we didn't say a word to each other. We sat across the room from each other and he wouldn't even make eye contact with me. This was weird because he ALWAYS does this. If we pass each other on campus he stares right into my eyes, so him avoiding all eye contact is totally unlike him. When we left class I said "bye" and he said "bye" without looking at me.

 

He seemed interested and happy and now I'm getting the cold shoulder. Any thoughts? I still want to follow up and ask him to go out with me once I think of a place and time.

[Kamila]

Not to seem old-fashioned, but I think the guy should be more involved in the asking out. It seems like you're doing all the work here.

You initiate with him. Maybe pull back a bit.

Make it equal or you'll seem desperate and he'll lose interest.

[travelbug1996]

You're pursuing him and now he expects that you will continue to do so OR he got totally turned off by what men see as desperation and asking him out. You have taken away the chase from him.

 

Let him be a man. The only men that your behavior works with are feminine energy/passive men. A masculine energy/assertive man is gonna be totally turned off.

 

 

There is a good reason why women shouldn't pursue men. Google it. Please dont ask him out again.

[gaius]

He told you he didn't want to date by not asking you out. You ignored him and pursued the matter anyway. So now he's stuck trying to be nice but looking to get out of it at the same time.

[filani]

@ arctic

 

You get a big thumbs up from me for being woman enough to go after what you want.

Most gals would simply just hide their fear & insecurity behind gender roles.

 

Now with that said, you are only halfway there. You haven't communicated any firm plans to him so that 'ball' is still very much in your court.

Him not 'gazing into your eyes' when you pass each other in school is your fear looking for an excuse to make you back out and go back to your comfort zone.

 

Just follow through and set up a date already!!!

[Stillits]

I would attempt to contact him with a time and place. And honestly, if he lost interest because you were assertive; well, he's not right for you then. No point in sitting around doing nothing if there is something you want, just because you happen to have boobs.

[stillafool]

He said sure (and was genuinely happy!), and that he could drive to wherever it would be and to let him know when I wanted to go. This was my first time asking someone out, and I think I did an okay job.

 

 

The fact that he didn't say he would pick you up but would meet you there does not make your meeting seem like a date. I think him avoiding eye contact with you is him not wanting to encourage you. I wouldn't contact him to carry out a date if I was you. He just doesn't really seem interested.

[crude]

I love how when a man asks a woman out and it doesn't work out, it's no big deal, she's not interested. When a woman asks a man out and it doesn't work out, it becomes an excuse to give a lecture about how we must never go against the gender stereotypes, not simply no big deal, he isn't interested.

[filani]

I love how when a man asks a woman out and it doesn't work out, it's no big deal, she's not interested. When a woman asks a man out and it doesn't work out, it becomes an excuse to give a lecture about how we must never go against the gender stereotypes, not simply no big deal, he isn't interested.

 

Good to know I'm not the only guy who noticed that trend :/

And us guys are supposed to be the ones with a fragile ego. Makes you ask where all the 'strong women' are at.

[gaius]

I love how when a man asks a woman out and it doesn't work out, it's no big deal, she's not interested. When a woman asks a man out and it doesn't work out, it becomes an excuse to give a lecture about how we must never go against the gender stereotypes, not simply no big deal, he isn't interested.

Some women actually say yes when a guy asks them out. Big difference.

 

The guys with intimacy issues that think the main problem with their dating life is women aren't asking them out just come up with a new excuse after they reject her.

[arcticmonkey]

The fact that he didn't say he would pick you up but would meet you there does not make your meeting seem like a date. I think him avoiding eye contact with you is him not wanting to encourage you. I wouldn't contact him to carry out a date if I was you. He just doesn't really seem interested.

 

I just reread what I wrote, and I see what you mean. I meant to say that he said he could drive us to wherever it was we are going to go. He said we would take this car. He took the extra step and offering to drive us. Implying a date, maybe?

 

And here's an update: we're talking again. It turns out he just had a rough day, and was mostly hungover and let-down after a party he had helped one of his friends throw. He was just moody and didn't want to deal with anyone. I have days like that, as does everyone, so I didn't take this personally.

 

I love how when a man asks a woman out and it doesn't work out, it's no big deal, she's not interested. When a woman asks a man out and it doesn't work out, it becomes an excuse to give a lecture about how we must never go against the gender stereotypes, not simply no big deal, he isn't interested.

Thank you! It was a bit disheartening to read the first few posts about how women shouldn't pursue men and how I should "never ask him out again"?! Really? Give me a break. I doubt my confidence is what's turning him off, and if it is, I don't want to be with a guy with such a fragile ego. If it turns out I've misinterpreted the signs and he's truly not interested, big deal, he's not interested.

 

@ arctic

 

You get a big thumbs up from me for being woman enough to go after what you want.

Most gals would simply just hide their fear & insecurity behind gender roles.

 

Now with that said, you are only halfway there. You haven't communicated any firm plans to him so that 'ball' is still very much in your court.

Him not 'gazing into your eyes' when you pass each other in school is your fear looking for an excuse to make you back out and go back to your comfort zone.

 

Just follow through and set up a date already!!!

 

Thank you. Tomorrow I'm gonna try to solidify some plans with him. If it turns out, great; if not, I'm prepared to deal with any awkwardness and move on.