NiceGuy73 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I am married with 3 children. My wife said she was done about 2 months ago and wants a divorce. She is moving to a new place that she has rented in about 2 weeks. I moved out of the family home about 6 weeks ago. We have not got on for a while and argued mainly about parenting issues. Before I left the house I asked her one last night "Please can we not try again" to which she said no she has 100% made her mind up Well i am absolutely a broken man, totally devaststed.....so went NC apart from when we talk about the kids via email and when i have to pick them up I long to have my family back together i really do, i miss them soooo much These last 2 days i am suffering more than ever. I am feeling the urge to call her or go round to the house and spill my guts out etc. I think this might set me back further with my wife so can someone please give me the strength to guide me I am getting totally desperate and feel my head is going to explode!!!!!
somecamel Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I am married with 3 children. My wife said she was done about 2 months ago and wants a divorce. She is moving to a new place that she has rented in about 2 weeks. I moved out of the family home about 6 weeks ago. We have not got on for a while and argued mainly about parenting issues. Before I left the house I asked her one last night "Please can we not try again" to which she said no she has 100% made her mind up Well i am absolutely a broken man, totally devaststed.....so went NC apart from when we talk about the kids via email and when i have to pick them up I long to have my family back together i really do, i miss them soooo much These last 2 days i am suffering more than ever. I am feeling the urge to call her or go round to the house and spill my guts out etc. I think this might set me back further with my wife so can someone please give me the strength to guide me I am getting totally desperate and feel my head is going to explode!!!!! Ok slow down, by running back you will push her further away. What exactly were the parenting issues? I mean come on you had 3 kids together, it's not meant to be easy. I don't want to put ideas in your head but are you sure there is no one else?
Author NiceGuy73 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 Nah nobody else 99% sure....Its just been a gradual breakdown over a year or so. I just could not seem to make her happy we disagreed on some many things Eg She would let them stay up late and let them play on the I pads fro when they got in from school till bedtime. They were even allowed the pads at the dinner table. It was getting to be a joke but as she did most of the childcare she seemed to think that my opinion didn't matter and would just brush me off. This sled to some blazing rows some of which were witnessed by the kids so own goal there....i should of known better She is determined to strike out on her own that's for sure and I am giving up hope.... Wow this absolutely sucks.....worst experience of my life by a factor of 100
somecamel Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I really feel for you dude, the ending of relationship is one of the hardest things we go through, we suddenly realise that we are not as hard as we thought we were and it can crush you. I'll give you the same advice that I was given when I first stumbled upon Loveshack. Use the time now to make yourself a better person for you and for your kids, but please get rid of any false hope you may have in getting back together, the longer you harbour this hope, the longer any chance of a reconciliation will take. You may be able to look back at this in a few years and realise that this may have been for the best, especially if things have been going down hill for a while. Be strong and keep on posting but do not contact her and spill your feelings out to her, you will reset any healing you have done every time and you will hurt.
Jiivy Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 My advice - think about all the scenarios that play out from breaking NC. The good, the bad, the worse etc. Are you prepared to hear any of them? If you can honestly say "I'm ok with the worse case scenario" - probably your Wife having another man...then break NC. Otherwise, don't go there. You're not ready. I know I sure as hell am not and I want my fiancée back desperately.
Author NiceGuy73 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 Hey thanks to all for replying Its just all soooo much to take in Lose Wife Lose 3 kids massive chunk of the time Lose House - its now getting sold Move to new place I just feel I am cracking up under the pressure. The thing about not having false hope is a difficult one...How the heck do I put that to one side its so bloody hard when I see her a couple of times a weeks when we handover the kids....I am really struggling with that one BUT I know you are right in what you say for sure I need to find the strength to stay away but am crappping myself that I going to blow it and just make it worse...
Jiivy Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Hey thanks to all for replying Its just all soooo much to take in Lose Wife Lose 3 kids massive chunk of the time Lose House - its now getting sold Move to new place I just feel I am cracking up under the pressure. The thing about not having false hope is a difficult one...How the heck do I put that to one side its so bloody hard when I see her a couple of times a weeks when we handover the kids....I am really struggling with that one BUT I know you are right in what you say for sure I need to find the strength to stay away but am crappping myself that I going to blow it and just make it worse... You don't. There's a confusion here between "moving on" and "ending all hope deliberately." You have a family, a home and a lover to have lost. My own circumstance pales in comparison. I think the idea is accepting, in an unbiased way that it's truly over - that you don't know what the future holds but crucially, that you get to a place where you can take a rational view of the marriage and how you want to proceed. There's this nasty truism that says "you only find what you're looking for when you truly stop looking."
flightplan Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I can relate. I was married to someone who had totally different parenting and discipline skills.. ie.. none. It's a very difficult thing to live with. Over the years of our marriage, I fell out of love with my ex until ultimately, we divorced. The kids actually did better after the divorce and knew their parents were better off separated than married. I didn't want my son and daughter to grow up thinking this is what marriage was all about. My point is to look at this from different angles. Your wife has checked out. All the begging in the world is not going to bring her back, in fact, it will only confirm her decision. Set the example as a father and teach your kids by example. They are the priority in your life... not her. Raise them with respect and show them how much you love and care about them. My ex wanted to come back after I let go because she saw the way the kids reacted to my style of love and discipline only after she pushed me away and created distance. Kids crave structure and loving discipline. Its shows you care. Put all your energy into them instead of wasting it on your wife who could seem to care less. When she sees you step up as a leader of the pack and be a loving alpha male, cease all arguing and complaining about her parenting skills, and focus your energy on your kids instead of her, she may have second thoughts. Good luck. 1
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