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martaldn

By martaldn
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Cpt Established Member

Cpt

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hey OP, if you want to meet up with them, why not invite them out on a date?

 

I understand you have your pride and I can see where you're coming from regarding interest from their part, but at the end of the day if you want something, you go for it regardless of social stigma.

 

Instead of posting on LS about this, which shows you're more invested in this than you think you are, I reccommend you make the first move and stop expecting these guys to read your mind.

 

If you don't want to do that, then you can go on with your life and stop whining about these guys.

 

Its just a little passive aggressive thats all. Be direct and have a good time on the dates. Good luck.

 

P.s you're beautiful if thats you in the avi

 

EDIT: cool good to know guy number 2 invited you out. You're not too demanding, just have a good time and don't expect too much from these initial dates. You got what you wanted right? Enjoy :)

Edited by Cpt
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martaldn Established Member

martaldn

Posted
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Posted (edited)

hi

I dont see any passive aggressive attitude here and I write on LS only because I would like to have some advice. ( arent we all here for this?!)

however, if you read my 1st post you will see that I have made the first move already with 2 of them and asked them out.

 

thanks, i am the one in the avatar

 

and I agree to keep my expectation low in the first meetings..

Edited by martaldn
Cpt Established Member

Cpt

Posted
Posted (edited)
hi

I dont see any passive aggressive attitude here and I write on LS only because I would like to have some advice. ( arent we all here for this?!)

however, if you read my 1st post you will see that I have made the first move already with 2 of them and asked them out.

 

thanks, i am the one in the avatar

 

and I agree to keep my expectation low in the first meetings..

 

Passive-aggressive - adjective: 1.

of or denoting a type of behaviour or personality characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others and an avoidance of direct confrontation

 

Bolded, not being upfront with them about you wanting them to make plans vs you just making the plans. Your case is not extreme passive-aggressive its just minor, but still passive-aggressiveness nontheless.

 

I also read your first post already, and it doesn't matter if you already asked them out previously. Its all about having a good time and not keeping scores on who has asked out who how many times more etc.

 

I'm not attacking you btw, i'm just pointing out some things that may come off as attacks, but i'm trying to help you.

 

EDIT: oh and if you really want to hook guy n2 in, cut the lunch date short by like half the time. Leave him wanting more, you will definitely get asked out more ;)

Edited by Cpt
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martaldn Established Member

martaldn

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Thank you.:)

I sounded a bit defensive though but I know you were trying to help me, thanks for the tip in making the lunch shorter .. I will see what I can do ;)

PinkInTheLimo Established Member

PinkInTheLimo

Posted
Posted
update.

 

guy n2 asked me to meet for lunch today.

we work close to each other...

its the 1st "date" for us and it would last more or less 1 hour ( lunch break)

 

I have said yes only because I have to go in a shop close by the place he wants to meet me but for a 1st meeting I was expecting something more than a lunch break (in term of timing i mean )....... am i too demanding?

:confused:

 

I think you are too demanding. What do you want? That he sweeps you off your feet and treats you to a candle light dinner while you still have 2 other guys you keep as options?

I think lunch is a good idea, it is practical (you have to eat anyway) and casual. Gives you the chance to meet without too many expectations.

 

You are getting to know each other. Stop calling it a date with all the exaggerated expectations attached to it. This guy wants to meet you in the flesh. Seen how flaky the dating world is, this is a big achievement :laugh:. Go their with an open mind without expecting a marriage proposal right away.

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PinkInTheLimo Established Member

PinkInTheLimo

Posted
Posted
EDIT: oh and if you really want to hook guy n2 in, cut the lunch date short by like half the time. Leave him wanting more, you will definitely get asked out more ;)

 

NO NO NO don't do that. Come on, you go for lunch which is not going to last very long and then playing silly games by cutting the lunch in two??? If I man would do that do me I would see it as a clear sign of him having found some turn-off with me.

 

It can't be that difficult, is it? Approach this guy as a human being you want to get to know better and treat him like a human being.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
I need an advise because I am not sure what I should do here

I have 3 pending situation that are not going anywhere..

 

1st one I have met him already once.. little background - he works like crazy and he is very bad in keep contact with people. He said he hasn’t taken a holiday for over 2 years because he is very focused on his job at moment. – understandable . the date went well and at the end of the night he walked me home.. We kissed. We texted the same night we agreed we both want to see each other again. First date was set by me so I am actually waiting for him to set this second one…so far nothing. we shared texts over Easter holidays ( he worked everyday apart Sunday ) but nothing has been planned…. Today he texted me again asking how my Easter was. I decided to not reply.

 

2nd is from an OKC and he contacted me first. We share telephone number ( he asked mine ) cause he was deleting his profile so we started share messages on whatsapp. He said he wants meet me and BS like that. But still NO plans. He works literally 10 minutes from where I work.

He said he is trying to detox for a month because he has 2 marathons to run in May. Then yesterday he told me he went to a stag party and drank. So I asked him if he wants to keep going on with the detox because in case he wouldn’t we could meet up for a quick drink and try to break the ice in person.. he replied very late saying it was a shame he read the message so late because he would have met me last night for a glass of wine ( WFT)

 

3rd . I have met him one night in a bar. We made up all night and decide to keep in touch. I wrote down my number on a little piece of paper cause both our phone were dead and we were both pretty drunk so I was very surprised to have his text the morning after asking me to add him on facebook bla bla.. we texted and shared messages on Facebook saying we should meet up but again nothing has been planned. He is in the middle of moving house ( just bough one ) and planning a 1 month trip in may so again busy schedules. Saturday he said he was coming out to my area so I have asked where he was going .. guess what he replied? Nothing.

 

I know myself and I know I don’t have much patience but I honestly think I am wasting my time here I feel like I am chasing them or even worse waiting for them … if they are not interested they could just tell me, they are just stranger to me so I wouldn’t be upset or anything but those no-point situations really get my nerves.

 

What should I do? Just ignore all them next time they text me? What is the point otherwise?

 

 

thanks people :)

Sounds like 3 amazing catches to me. Insert sarcastic look....

 

What should you do? Ignore all 3, cut back on the drinking and Facebooking, and stop accepting excuses. Define your boundaries and stick to them.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
but another question.

wouldnt i sound too much if i text them saying "hey stop texting me if you want to meet him then ok otherwise leave me alone?"

 

:confused:

 

I do not see a need for this kind of communication. You do not owe them anything at this point.

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
When I'm dating I like to have 1 or 2 girls on the side, if something should go wrong with the one I'm currently dating.

And how's that working out for you Rubberman? Have you met "the one" yet with this approach? Just curious.

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martaldn Established Member

martaldn

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Sounds like 3 amazing catches to me. Insert sarcastic look....

 

What should you do? Ignore all 3, cut back on the drinking and Facebooking, and stop accepting excuses. Define your boundaries and stick to them.

 

U are right

This is what I'm going to do with the 2 left

The lunch didn't go great either he is coming out from a relationship of 13 years:(

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
U are right

This is what I'm going to do with the 2 left

The lunch didn't go great either he is coming out from a relationship of 13 years:(

I still do not understand this thing with meeting someone then becoming FaceBook friends, then chatting on Facebook. It makes no sense to me. Must be a generation thing. I met a woman from OLD this past fall; one date, liked her but not enough to go Forward. I shared this with her the next day. 2 months later she sends me a FB request. I decline. She sent me another one this week. Really?

 

Seriously, get off of Facebook when it comes to chatting to these men. And, having done enough OLD, I think a couple of messages back and forth, some lite texting, maybe a phone call, then meet. Just, meet. I have found the more talking, texting and messaging the more the build up and then the disappointment when you meet.

 

The current woman I am seeing; Couple of messaes on OKCupid, exchanged phone #'s, a few texts, then we planned to meet for lunch. It all took about a week. And 5 weeks later we are still getting to know each other.

 

It should not be as difficult as your experiences have been; move on when it gets that difficult.

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martaldn Established Member

martaldn

Posted
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Posted

It took me 4 weeks to meet this one for lunch ! :lmao:

I have never had problem with adding people on Facebook I think it's a good way to keep in touch however with all the 3 we also share text messages and whatsapp messages...

I don't add on Facebook all the people I have been out with though

I had like 6/7 dates off OCK since I became member and non of them is a Facebook friends :)

TXGuy Established Member

TXGuy

Posted
Posted
totally.

the guy n.2 gave me his number saying lets meet up and see if we click. :rolleyes:

still waiting for that.

 

With this happening to you with some frequency, you might be missing build up signals and responding in a way that opens the door to a real meetup.

 

For example guy x says we should meet up soon.

 

You could reply:

1) great, when? Or

2) great, how about Thursday.

 

As is common with most women, you seem put off by the fact that these guys are not doing most/all the work. You are allowed to ask them.

 

That sounds like a better option than talking about how useless and annoying they are for not asking you out, particularly when you are not asking them out.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
It took me 4 weeks to meet this one for lunch ! :lmao:

I have never had problem with adding people on Facebook I think it's a good way to keep in touch however with all the 3 we also share text messages and whatsapp messages...

I don't add on Facebook all the people I have been out with though

I had like 6/7 dates off OCK since I became member and non of them is a Facebook friends :)

One of the many reasons I got off of OKCupid was I realized I was not planning meet ups. I was just "chatting", which was a message to myself that something was off for me. It was a nice distraction for a couple of weeks. And, right before I got off, I did meet the woman I am currently seeing. Something about her felt different, I WANTED to meet her.

 

I decided to meet an additional woman I had been talking to for over 2 weeks right after I met her, and there was no chemistry, and we had lots of "virtual/electronic" chemistry. Plus my mind was on the current woman! That's when I realized that talking for 2+ weeks and not meeting makes NO sense. You invest a lot of time and energy and get your hopes up.

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

Posted
Posted
With this happening to you with some frequency, you might be missing build up signals and responding in a way that opens the door to a real meetup.

 

For example guy x says we should meet up soon.

 

You could reply:

1) great, when? Or

2) great, how about Thursday.

 

As is common with most women, you seem put off by the fact that these guys are not doing most/all the work. You are allowed to ask them.

 

That sounds like a better option than talking about how useless and annoying they are for not asking you out, particularly when you are not asking them out.

This may be true. Current woman actually messaged me and made it clear what her intentions were. Over text it only took one hint for me to to start planning a meet up.

TXGuy Established Member

TXGuy

Posted
Posted

 

I have said yes only because I have to go in a shop close by the place he wants to meet me but for a 1st meeting I was expecting something more than a lunch break (in term of timing i mean )....... am i too demanding?

:confused:

 

Yes. i'd say expecting more than lunch for a first meet is being demanding (and entitled). But, you can have any standard you want.

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Cpt Established Member

Cpt

Posted
Posted (edited)
NO NO NO don't do that. Come on, you go for lunch which is not going to last very long and then playing silly games by cutting the lunch in two??? If I man would do that do me I would see it as a clear sign of him having found some turn-off with me.

 

It can't be that difficult, is it? Approach this guy as a human being you want to get to know better and treat him like a human being.

 

Advice given to a woman about men... from a woman. :laugh:

 

Keep the date short (maybe 30-40min max), make sure you both enjoy yourselves a lot. He will definitely invite you for more dates, and he will want you MORE (keyword right there).

 

EDIT: oh and PITL you don't even know what you want (as a woman), how would you know what you would want as a man? get real

Edited by Cpt
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martaldn Established Member

martaldn

Posted
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Posted

thanks people for the good advises you gave me :)

i have decided to be very clear with guy no1 and i have replied to his message saying if he wants to meet me I will be happy to see him otherwise I dont see the point in keep going with this messaging thing.

well i used nice words... but very straight forward.

he replied to me and set the 2nd date!

:)

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martaldn Established Member

martaldn

Posted
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Posted
Yes. i'd say expecting more than lunch for a first meet is being demanding (and entitled). But, you can have any standard you want.

 

for how it went, the lunch break was more than enough.

he is just coming out from a 13 years long relationship and they are in the middle of some big fight about some property the bought together and other stuff.

he was a nice guy but so not ready to date... he said me he feels like he is in a limbo and he doesnt know what is going to happen in his life.

i felt sorry for him :(

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martaldn Established Member

martaldn

Posted
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Posted
With this happening to you with some frequency, you might be missing build up signals and responding in a way that opens the door to a real meetup.

 

For example guy x says we should meet up soon.

 

You could reply:

1) great, when? Or

2) great, how about Thursday.

 

As is common with most women, you seem put off by the fact that these guys are not doing most/all the work. You are allowed to ask them.

 

That sounds like a better option than talking about how useless and annoying they are for not asking you out, particularly when you are not asking them out.

 

i did though. I have asked me out

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