seeking_solace Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) It's been a week since he broke the news -- an almost 4 year relationship destroyed by a cheating episode during a grad trip overseas. It was the first relationship for both of us. I was so calm when he came over to explain himself, i asked if he wanted out and he nodded. I let him go... I didn't even cry Reality sinked in over the next 2 days. It felt like hell. I literally understood what heartbroken meant. It felt as though someone had just stabbed at your heart again and again and I could hardly breathe. Nights were the worse as I would just replay scenes from the past and the betrayal. I told him to take a month off - to step back and look at this betrayal objectively. I guess i was just hoping he would come back after a month. It didn't help that there were no warning signs at all. There was no distancing, we continued to laugh and love prior to his trip. It also came at a time when his mother was finally giving some form of approval to the relationship. And suddenly, everything changed when he was away. It WAS a bombshell. He said that he kind of liked her over the months and was only sure during the grad trip, that he had tried to stay away but ultimately, he still went for the trip. I felt that i pushed him towards her, creating the opportunity for them. My 6th sense told me she liked him too -- I was right. Right at the start of the relationship, I told him that I abhorred betrayals. If there was ever a time when he wanted out, tell me and work out with me first. Nothing breaks a person more than a betrayal, I thought he understood that. It was easy to give his things back, to delete photographs -- back to a life where he seemingly just doesn't exist. I wished it was that simple -- to just delete all the memories at a click of a button. I would feel ok in the morning and feel pangs of sadness over the day. I hated that, especially when he was the one who gave up on us and all I did was to love him. But I still can't bring myself to hate him. I wish i could, it might make things easier for me. Is this normal? 4 days after the breakup, I called him to gain closure and to tell him how I felt and what I wanted. I wanted to work on the relationship and asked him whether he was willing to give it another shot. He couldn't answer many questions that I asked him: was it an infatuation or love? Do you still love me? What triggered the change in your feelings? He couldn't answer all of them. But finally he said we should not continue. He desperately wanted to hang up phone call. I did not cry during the conversation, he did.' A friend warned me that there would be a time when I really really needed to see him. It came the next day and I dropped by his home. I needed to talk to him again -- you're right, another closure that I thought i needed. I cannot understand why he couldn't answer the questions -- it gave me hope! Alas it was a monologue, he said he doesn't love me anymore at the end. He was shaking when he said it. How could his attitude changed over the course of a night. The thought shuddered me. It was the day when I stopped contacting him. First day of NC: I felt the need to check his whatsapp last seen time. I still felt like crap. Seeing the councillor helped and I was sleeping better. 2nd day of NC: I noticed he changed his whatsapp pic to one with a swan, alongside 2 ducks. What does he mean by that???? I thought he was so sure that he didn't love me anymore, that picture suggested that he still didn't know what to do. I guess i'm just seeing what I want to see. Am I wrong? What do u infer from that pic? I wanna ask him but I know i can't. 3rd day of NC: Here I am - I guess i can never get the closure that I need. It just reeked of desperation. Maybe that's why he was so cold and distant when I went to look for him. He just wanted to get away. I guess i cannot reconcile the fact about how you could stop loving someone suddenly. That the person who used to be the closest closest to you feels more distant than strangers at a blink of an eye. And lastly, I didn't have any form of control over the entire situation, which contributed to the feelings of hopelessness. I need to convince myself that it IS over. That NC is a period to heal and not to have hopes that he'll come back. Why do i still have that =( That he is someone I have grown accustom to and these are just temporary withdrawals. That someday, I'll heal again. I just wish it didn't have to take so long. Edited April 23, 2014 by seeking_solace
Author seeking_solace Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) After 3 days of no contact, he suddenly came over to return CARDS. He dropped off the items at my home when I was working. Gifts I understand the desire to return (I did too) but cards and letters?!?! And he didn't return everything... He still kept a scrapbook Who actually return those things after a breakup? Anyone here did? Don't you just throw cards/letters away if you do not want to keep them... I am actually pissed now... Edited April 23, 2014 by seeking_solace
sumathi Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I really feel sorry for you. To love a person and to be betrayed by him is a nightmarish experience. But when he betrayed you while he was in relationship with you, it shows how fickle his love was. Thank god that he showed his true colors before marriage. You have lost nothing as the loser is your boyfriend as he has lost your true love. Forget him and throw him out of your life. Do not try to contact him as it lowers your self esteem. Of course the pain will be there, but it will fade away as time goes by. I am sure you will find the right person who will truly love you and marry you. 1
cdt76 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I wish I had your self control. I wish I had your ability to logically see things as they are when emotions run wild throughout you during this experience. You will hurt and you will hate and you will cry....a lot. And that's normal. It's what we do as souls with pride and love. When that love is tarnished and thrown away, we have to see that for what it is. What he did, in all it's vile emptiness, is show you who he truly is. When given the opportunity, he was not the rock you need him to be. His feelings for your were not strong enough. His emotions show he cares for you deeply and he knows he hurt you and while he has this girl to console him, he won't feel that very much. However, when she dumps him....and she will dump him, he will remember you then. Not out of love but out of selfishness. I'm sorry for your loss. I truly wish there was a way to snap fingers and make your pain go away. Unfortunately, you need to heal and you need you time and you need to become selfish for a little while.
Elle1975 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 You're not in NC if you still check his social medias, don't fool yourself. And change your locks.
Recommended Posts