uneek74 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) 1st time snooping through his phone, 2nd time finding throw away phone, 3rd time overhearing a conversation we were having, his phone butt dialed her, and 4th time some of the same. However, I want to add, nothing on the phone or conversation was full proof evidence that I was the OW for 8 yrs. Edited April 23, 2014 by uneek74
snappytomcat Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I hope you don't mind a bs answering last june,I was looking for my social security card,and I called my husband and asked if he had seen it,he said I think its in my desk in the garage. so I looked all through it,and at the very bottom was a box of old tax stuff,i decided to look in there,and there I found it a birthday card from her,from a year before,he had completely forgotten it was there. needless to say I called him at work and what is usually an hour drive,he made it home in 30 minutes doing damage control
uneek74 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Snappy was there something incriminating in the card? A birthday card in and of itself wouldn't make me think there was something suspect.
snappytomcat Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Snappy was there something incriminating in the card? A birthday card in and of itself wouldn't make me think there was something suspect. well I had been suspicious for a while but had no proof,and in the card it said I love you so much,i hope we have many tommorrows together.
uneek74 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Oh ok, yeah that was hard evidence. I can imagine his thoughts as he drove home, probably trying to get his story together. Are you still with him? I haven't read your story.
Realist3 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 A long strand of blonde hair on the passenger seat of my car. Went out for dinner with the family. Came home and the wife and kids went to bed some time afterwards. MW and I were chatting online and decided to meet up for a quick make out session. The next morning I was dead asleep. My wife comes in and wakes me up and says, "I think there is something wrong with your car." I was like "Wtf? There is nothing wrong with my car." Got up went to the garage, and she said, "What in the hell is that?" Sure enough a long strand of blonde hair is there on a black leather seat like a neon sign.(My wife is a brunette) I copped.
Hope Shimmers Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Speaking as a BS (before my divorce), I found out by putting a keylogger on his laptop. Turns out he was sleeping with a co-worker who was several years older than him and who was married and had yet another OM (besides my-ex H) who everyone knew about (including her H). Too dysfunctional to even think about. He also introduced her to my kids immediately during all of this mess, which is a topic that raises my blood pressure to levels typical of a myocardial infarction. Speaking as an OW (after my divorce), when I met MM who at the time was separated and divorcing - he voluntarily told his W that he was in love with me. That was D-Day #1.
MissBee Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 There was no dday that I was a part of. But I have wondered if she ever did find out, whether during or after it ended, and he just never told me about it.
wanting more Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 1st d-day we got really careless and someone one saw us out and told his BW 2nd and 3rd d-days were text on our phones.
whatatangledweb Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 What slip up did you or AP have to cause D-day? My husband forgot to clear the browser on the computer. It showed a secret email account with a message going to her. I called him, he gave me the pw, and as he was driving home , he ended it with her.
gettingstronger Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Someone sent me an anon text to check out the name he had her as in his phone. Hmmm, wonder who sent that text?
Gunthar Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I was the BS - VERY well established. Was just starting my A. I was super insecure one night, because I believed W had more than likely been out that night cheating again on me in some way, and I had to know where she was REALLY at that night (she wanted to be intimate when she arrived home and I wasn't going to touch her if there was any chance at all she wasn't clean). I figured if I told her something that hurt (and seemed true) so that she'd tell me where she had been (she had already confessed to so much that one more story to me wouldn't matter). So, I semi-caved (made up something that didn't happen but would get under her skin). It was a snap judgement call by me in an instant, as she also retorted by pressuring me about where I was at the same night. I risked baiting my W into believing something was up between my AP and I (we were just arms-length friends as far as wife knew), hoping I could then later deny it, saying I made it up to hurt her (which is what W believes today, I made the story up that night). Didn't work the way I wanted though. Before I could get to W to tell her how I made it up, AP soon after got a text from W and AP caved. I tried to stop AP, but she took over and put it all in self-destruct mode. AP made up her own fake story, which I maintain now as well; much less incriminating for her at least. Such a shame. We had a great mutual arrangement. I was a fool to risk AP's safety, our A, etc. We both miss each other. Kind of a no-win scenario now. Blah blah blah about my marraige, ok?? (i.e. save it, Moralists. Thx much.) Peace out.
notserene Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Dozens of phone calls to and from an unfamiliar cell phone number, and one phone call to a landline number from which I was able to figure out her name.
QuakerOats Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I was the BS - VERY well established. Was just starting my A. I was super insecure one night, because I believed W had more than likely been out that night cheating again on me in some way, and I had to know where she was REALLY at that night (she wanted to be intimate when she arrived home and I wasn't going to touch her if there was any chance at all she wasn't clean). I figured if I told her something that hurt (and seemed true) so that she'd tell me where she had been (she had already confessed to so much that one more story to me wouldn't matter). So, I semi-caved (made up something that didn't happen but would get under her skin). It was a snap judgement call by me in an instant, as she also retorted by pressuring me about where I was at the same night. I risked baiting my W into believing something was up between my AP and I (we were just arms-length friends as far as wife knew), hoping I could then later deny it, saying I made it up to hurt her (which is what W believes today, I made the story up that night). Didn't work the way I wanted though. Before I could get to W to tell her how I made it up, AP soon after got a text from W and AP caved. I tried to stop AP, but she took over and put it all in self-destruct mode. AP made up her own fake story, which I maintain now as well; much less incriminating for her at least. Such a shame. We had a great mutual arrangement. I was a fool to risk AP's safety, our A, etc. We both miss each other. Kind of a no-win scenario now. Blah blah blah about my marraige, ok?? (i.e. save it, Moralists. Thx much.) Peace out. I'm totally confused. So, your wife had affairs and then you had one and tried to make her think you were kidding about it? Are you still married?
QuakerOats Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I wonder if there are ever instances when the WS confesses without a D Day or the AP threatening to expose. Does this ever happen?
Hope Shimmers Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I wonder if there are ever instances when the WS confesses without a D Day or the AP threatening to expose. Does this ever happen? Yes. That was D-day #1 for me. See my previous post
snappytomcat Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Oh ok, yeah that was hard evidence. I can imagine his thoughts as he drove home, probably trying to get his story together. Are you still with him? I haven't read your story. uneek we are working on our M,it took a lot of mc,and ic its been a long road,and I never ever thought I would ever forgive a ws,never but I have surprised myself. hes done everything right,very remorseful,he knows he f*cked up big time. we have connected again,and its been getting better daily 3
Ailsa1983 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 His wife's best friend caught us kissing and it exploded from there, she barged into my home nearly knocking my toddler over, tried to make me move away from my town, hounded me day and night. It was a mess it was a power struggle between us the more she tried to put me down to the town the more I would I flaunt around, it got to the point where I slept with her husband again out of pure spite. (Regret that now). She is nearing 50 and I was only 28 at the time I didn't realise what the age difference really done to her. Not proud of my actions but I'm a very defensive person. Her husband was just as confused he loves her but I was a weakness for him I was a young woman who adored him he had never cheated before and his marriage was boring or maybe he was going through the mid crisis.
cocorico Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 What slip up did you or AP have to cause D-day? There was no slip up. We were pretty open about our R. The only one who did not know was the BW. He told her about the A when we had decided to be together FT. There was no DDay as she chose not to believe him. Even after he and the kids had left, she still thought it was just a tactic to get her to agree to MC.
cocorico Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I wonder if there are ever instances when the WS confesses without a D Day or the AP threatening to expose. Does this ever happen? Yes. My H disclosed to his xBW when informing her why he planned to leave her.
waterwoman Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 She is nearing 50 and I was only 28 at the time I didn't realise what the age difference really done to her. Thanks for understanding that. I have always been a fairly independent woman who didn't crave male attention, didn't need it much. But getting to my late 40s and going through the menopause made me feel pretty insecure and as a result H's affair was so much more painful. OW was 25! I felt as if I had been thrown on the scrap heap. Of course her response to you was OTT but at least you can see why perhaps she acted like that.
notserene Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 His wife's best friend caught us kissing and it exploded from there, she barged into my home nearly knocking my toddler over, tried to make me move away from my town, hounded me day and night. It was a mess it was a power struggle between us the more she tried to put me down to the town the more I would I flaunt around, it got to the point where I slept with her husband again out of pure spite. (Regret that now). She is nearing 50 and I was only 28 at the time I didn't realise what the age difference really done to her. Not proud of my actions but I'm a very defensive person. Her husband was just as confused he loves her but I was a weakness for him I was a young woman who adored him he had never cheated before and his marriage was boring or maybe he was going through the mid crisis. I hope you're behaving differently now.
Ailsa1983 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) I do get it but I didn't back then as I was so involved with myself, divorce and children so to be honest I didn't have much time to think about what she was going through. Now I look back and I see what a mess it really was, she couldn't compete with me I was 28 care free, looked after myself as most 28 year olds do, I have a great figure and I am good looking. I practically threw myself at him when he gave me attention I lapped it up and made it really hard for him to not want me, I'd make him feel like the luckiest man alive. He has been married for over 30 years so I can see now it wasn't about me specifically more about a change, another woman, new younger body, new love etc etc. Now I see how wrong it was and how my behaviour was not normal, yes you can flirt and have fantasies, everyone does but to act on them is different. It was only a few years ago and i feel a lot more grown up, I have not had a relationship since my divorce nor do I plan on until I can guarantee I won't make the same mistakes again. I will not choose to do this to another man what I done to my husband nor would I put another family through what we all went through. It was my fault as much as I hate saying it but I knew what I was doing and I knew we would get caught. Edited April 23, 2014 by Ailsa1983 2
anne1707 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I wonder if there are ever instances when the WS confesses without a D Day or the AP threatening to expose. Does this ever happen? Yes, I told my H. And I still call it a dday.
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