Reconciliation stories

[ashleymarierenaud]

I've heard at least 15 stories about couples breaking up and getting back together, only from males coming back to females though. I've just went through a terrible break up with my first love, I was his too. I'm actually his first girlfriend he's ever had. We had a very SERIOUS relationship.. EVERYBODY I mean everybody said we had the strongest connection they've ever seen, we spent almost everyday together and talked on the phone all the time and still got excited each time we seen each other even after 3 years of dating, he was my best friend. We also did a lot of crazy romantic things for each other. About the last month of the relationship I could tell he wasn't very happy.. then he randomly broke things off and told me he didn't love me anymore and didn't think about me or miss me and was happier without me. (And told others he loved me but was not IN love with me anymore). I don't get it because he acted like he loved me more than I loved him.. he planned our whole future together just a week before he broke up with me he was talking about how were "soul mates". He then jumped to another girl a couple days later and when I asked him about it(the last time I talked to him) he told me it was disrespectful towards her that I talked to him.. and that he was taking things slowly with her because he wanted a serious relationship with her and didn't want me to ruin it.. which ended up only lasting about 3 weeks because she was flirting with many other guys. It's been 6 weeks of NC and I do see him all the time but he looks fine. I was wondering if anyone has ever seen something like this happen, do you really fall out of love with your first love that fast? Do you know any stories similar where they came back and tried things up again? Also, any advice on how to move on just in case?

Edited April 22, 2014 by ashleymarierenaud

[HeartinPain]

This happens a lot. It has happened to me. He fell out of love with you because he was curious about someone else and wanted to pursue it. He went into the next relationship very quickly probably because he was emotionally and/or physically cheating on you prior to the breakup. He swung the branch once he safely found your replacement.

 

You are doing the right thing staying NC. I have heard and read stories of people coming back after some time apart, but rarely is it ever successful because there are trust issues and resentment. He abandoned you for "greener pastures." If he did return, you have essentially settled as his back up plan. Do you really want to be second best ?

 

Someone who does this to you will always instill a small seed of fear that they will do it again to you. The best thing to do for yourself is to move on. Stay NC, focus and improve yourself. Trust me, you do not want to be with someone who so easy swings branches.

[elseaacych]

Hi, I had a similar experience with my first love a couple months ago. I could tell things were going downhill, but I couldn't stop it, due to being preoccupied with other things.

 

What I can tell you is that each relationship, break up, and reconciliation is different. What worked for 15 other people may not work for you. You are in a fragile state right now, and any attempts you make to reconcile will likely be shot down. What you need to do is step back, go NC and get over the hurt, and evaluate things objectively.

 

What it looks like is this girl came into the picture, and he left you for her. It also suggests that you guys had some communication issues, especially on his part. His feelings may have been slowly changing over time, but it didn't worry him until he was already too far gone... and the other girl's presence may have encouraged him to take the plunge.

 

Either way, there are lots of red flags surrounding the break up: that he left quickly, got with someone else right away, and hasn't seemed to make any effort to contact you since. All of these are character traits that you need to recognize if you want to think about a reconciliation with him, but right now, this close to the break up, it can't be on you.

 

What you need to do is give yourself space from the relationship, no matter how good it was initially, to think about whether you really want him. A year at least. You need to think about your relationship from all perspectives, were there places he could have done better, you could have done better... think about his actions, especially after the break up. Do you want someone who will leave you if another romantic prospect enters the picture? (And they will, no matter how old you get.) Really think about it, and don't let him cloud your judgement, don't talk to him, don't respond to him if he contacts you. If he does the complete 180 with his behavior, and beg you back, tell him you need a little space to think about him. Take note of his behaviors from there, and react accordingly.

 

You need to be like an objective scientist. Don't be so excited about the prospect of reconciliation, because that is a whole other can of beans.Don't worry about him. Just go NC, think about yourself, work on yourself, and enjoy all the benefits that being single has to offer. There are many men out there who are soul mate material who won't leave you just because they are interested in someone else

Edited April 22, 2014 by elseaacych

[hoping2heal]

I don't think his feelings changing happened as quickly as you do. You're both young(?) and I think first RS are often transient for many reasons. People are growing and changing, people have not yet experienced others and gotten perspective, etc.

 

If his emotional feelings have left (and by all accounts it sounds like they have - he's not even trying to rebound you when things didn't work out with the other girl) then there's not going to be any reconciliation.

 

Be grateful he is not trying to use you for an emotional pillow since things with the girl he really wanted didn't work out.

[d0nnivain]

in this day & age, first loves rarely last. The people change so much.

 

 

It was a beautiful thing. It's over. Keep the happy memories but don't look back.

 

 

It's not your 1st love that is significant beyond teaching you how to be in a relationship. It's your last love -- the person you grow old with -- that counts.

[Elle1975]

I've heard at least 15 stories about couples breaking up and getting back together, only from males coming back to females though. I've just went through a terrible break up with my first love, I was his too. I'm actually his first girlfriend he's ever had. We had a very SERIOUS relationship.. EVERYBODY I mean everybody said we had the strongest connection they've ever seen, we spent almost everyday together and talked on the phone all the time and still got excited each time we seen each other even after 3 years of dating, he was my best friend. We also did a lot of crazy romantic things for each other. About the last month of the relationship I could tell he wasn't very happy.. then he randomly broke things off and told me he didn't love me anymore and didn't think about me or miss me and was happier without me. (And told others he loved me but was not IN love with me anymore). I don't get it because he acted like he loved me more than I loved him.. he planned our whole future together just a week before he broke up with me he was talking about how were "soul mates". He then jumped to another girl a couple days later and when I asked him about it(the last time I talked to him) he told me it was disrespectful towards her that I talked to him.. and that he was taking things slowly with her because he wanted a serious relationship with her and didn't want me to ruin it.. which ended up only lasting about 3 weeks because she was flirting with many other guys. It's been 6 weeks of NC and I do see him all the time but he looks fine. I was wondering if anyone has ever seen something like this happen, do you really fall out of love with your first love that fast? Do you know any stories similar where they came back and tried things up again? Also, any advice on how to move on just in case?

 

I find that love is blind, that we dismiss events as "little details" that don't matter. Looking back on them, we should have paid more attention.

 

To move on, you go NC. Meaning no hanging out with the common friends, unless they were yours first. Don't call him, box away what you don't want to throw away and remind you of him, delete texts, phone numbers, etc..

 

By the way, he said he loves you but he's not in love with you? It's a classic. I mean, what is he supposed to say "screw her, I'm just so glad I broke up"? Don't read into it.

 

Don't live in the past. Be strong, if anything that will piss him off, and you will come out feeling so much better

[melell]

It does happen. I would go as far to say it is less likely to happen with first loves/young loves though..

[PhillyConnection23]

I've also noticed that there are a lot more male coming back to female stories.

 

Maybe I'm just missing it but I'm having a hard time seeing successful reconciliation stories about a woman coming back to a man...

[TheKook]

As the others have said, it sounds like he just fell out of love with you, which is really common. This is especially true with first loves, as one of the two partners will question what dating other people is like. It's easier to settle down after dating multiple people because you'll have gotten a taste of many different personalities and relationships and quench that thirst for exploring new ground.

 

It seems like you're doing pretty good, though. Keep up the NC and good luck with everything.

[M30USA]

I've also noticed that there are a lot more male coming back to female stories.

 

Maybe I'm just missing it but I'm having a hard time seeing successful reconciliation stories about a woman coming back to a man...

 

 

That's because it's always the man's fault--even when it's not his fault.

[Icydescent]

Like others, it happened that way with my ex. While he wasn't my first boyfriend, he was my first for almost everything else, & I was his first everything. He left me seemingly out of the blue for another girl.

 

It's been 4 years, & looking back without all of the hurt & anger, I can see why it happened. It was as if I was his guinea pig until he found something new & exciting. Age definitely has a lot to do with it as well - people go through quite a few changes as they grow, especially in their 20's.

 

Stay strong & work on yourself. If anything between you two is meant to be, it will happen. xo

[Jiivy]

I am in exactly the same boat as you OP. My first love also left me to try new things with a new guy. She told her happiness didn't lie with me, that we'd changed and she wasn't feeling it anymore...

 

Don't feel that you're at all alone in your suffering. Many of the posters here on LS have been through the same heartbreak we are in now. Keep strong with me here and keep up NC. I can't tell you how far I've come in just 2 months by breaking my habit of addiction for her.

 

I've ready many many reconciliation posts over the past few months and personally I can't see any real gender difference...and I know I'm not 100% there yet. I still dream about us reconciling.

 

But even with this level of distance, I'm finding it harder and harder to accept her back. Logically I can't do it - she destroyed me. He destroyed you. I think we both ignored the red flags. I just can't get past the idea that these are such immature and selfish actions. They just weren't strong enough in their conviction to decide that actually, the great they had was ultimately not worth taking the risk for something unknown.

 

Know that nobody can predict the future. They may come back, although I have a sinking feeling that first loves almost NEVER work out in the long run now. You sound like a fantastic girl, whoever it is that wakes up and realises what you are in the future is going to be very, very lucky.

[erklat]

It does happen. I would go as far to say it is less likely to happen with first loves/young loves though..

 

I think it's the other way around. The older people are, the less they look back.

[Elle1975]

I've heard at least 15 stories about couples breaking up and getting back together, only from males coming back to females though. I've just went through a terrible break up with my first love, I was his too. I'm actually his first girlfriend he's ever had. We had a very SERIOUS relationship.. EVERYBODY I mean everybody said we had the strongest connection they've ever seen, we spent almost everyday together and talked on the phone all the time and still got excited each time we seen each other even after 3 years of dating, he was my best friend. We also did a lot of crazy romantic things for each other. About the last month of the relationship I could tell he wasn't very happy.. then he randomly broke things off and told me he didn't love me anymore and didn't think about me or miss me and was happier without me. (And told others he loved me but was not IN love with me anymore). I don't get it because he acted like he loved me more than I loved him.. he planned our whole future together just a week before he broke up with me he was talking about how were "soul mates". He then jumped to another girl a couple days later and when I asked him about it(the last time I talked to him) he told me it was disrespectful towards her that I talked to him.. and that he was taking things slowly with her because he wanted a serious relationship with her and didn't want me to ruin it.. which ended up only lasting about 3 weeks because she was flirting with many other guys. It's been 6 weeks of NC and I do see him all the time but he looks fine. I was wondering if anyone has ever seen something like this happen, do you really fall out of love with your first love that fast? Do you know any stories similar where they came back and tried things up again? Also, any advice on how to move on just in case?

 

Mine.. plural.. every single one of my exes contacted me afterward. Sometimes 2 weeks later, sometimes 2 years later. I however never tried, but once, to reconcile, or I could tell it was just a booty call.

 

I however wonder why you would want to reconcile with this jerk nugget.

[tlegend]

Mine.. plural.. every single one of my exes contacted me afterward. Sometimes 2 weeks later, sometimes 2 years later. I however never tried, but once, to reconcile, or I could tell it was just a booty call.

 

I however wonder why you would want to reconcile with this jerk nugget.

 

I've only been contacted for reconciliation by two of my exes.

 

I've only ever tried to reconcile with 1 ex, which our problems were most definitely not resolved and it crashed and burned just as hard as the original breakup.

 

I have yet to try and reconcile with someone after that. It has not happened, mostly due to the experience I had with the first reconciliation.

 

I am not against reconciling, but I am against being in the same relationship and expecting different results. It just isn't going to happen.

 

Would I consider reconciling with my most recent ex? Absolutely, but I would need to know, for sure, that she was into a relationship with me and she would need to prove it.

 

But until that day, it's simply a FWB situation in my eyes.