jess123 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I was dating a guy from work. We stopped seeing each other when I wanted more commitment and he didn't. Then he told me he wanted to keep seeing each other, and get to know each other better without the physical aspect of us. However, when we tried doing it, he was so attracted to me that he was more focused on my physical aspect rather than emotional. I really liked him and thought he felt the same way, but I think he was thrown off about me wanting a more committed relationship. We had a disagreement and stopped seeing each other again. He knew that I really cared about him, and was very apologetic about hurting me. We continued having a friendly relationship, and continued having a professional relationship at work. Eventually he started texting me and being flirty and indirectly sexual with me. I told him to stop because he knew I have feelings for him and it's not fair. He stopped for some time but then started again. When I asked him up front what he wants, he told me he enjoys my company and wants to spend time with me and continue seeing me without any titles or commitments. No strings attached pretty much. I was upset and hurt about his offer because I have very strong feelings for him. I knew that if I tried to be in a relationship with no strings attached I would get burned. In the end I told him I don't want any relationship with him. I don't even want his friendship. It's not fair of him to change his mind about what he wants from me. I told him that his offer offended me and that I will continue to respect him at work but nothing else. He said he respects my decision and won't fight with me. He said he will delete me from Facebook and to take care of myself. He ended up doing as he said. He deleted and blocked me from Facebook. We haven't talked since the last message he sent me. At work, things have been extremely awkward between us. We don't say hi to each other, and when we need to communicated (work reasons) he gets very tense and won't look at me directly or initiate eye contact with me. It has become very awkward between us and I'm not sure how to deal with this situation. What makes it even harder, is I do miss him and care about him a lot. However, I am hurt by his actions and I always thought we had enough respect for each other. I don't know what to do. I have some good days, but then I have some bad days where I want to contact him and patch things up. But then I fear it will just become a roller coaster for me, so I stop myself. Any advice on whether what I did was right or wrong? Any advice on how to handle myself with him at work when he is obviously shut down and probably hates my guts at this point?
Elle1975 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Nothing wrong with respecting your own boundaries. You basically said "I don't want to be your f*** buddy. Thanks but no thanks". I don't see it as a bad thing. You walked away with your ego and self-respect intact. That's great. What I would advise is to be polite, and leave it at that. If he wants to be a jerk, that's his problem. Just date other people. Go out. Have fun. Don't dwell on it. I hate to say it but it's work. Treat it as such. Don't bring your emotion into it. I hope it gets better.
lauri Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Good for you. He clearly thought he could just get in your pants w/o commitment and that you would be okay with it. By doing what you did, he will be forced to respect you a lot more and realize that you are not willing to be someones f*** buddy. I think you can find someone who: 1) will not treat you like this 2) be more respectful to you 3) likes/loves you just as much as you like them You did everything right and told him where your moral grounds stand. Judging by how you work with him, it'll be extremely difficult to avoid him. Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that you did not get more attached and involved with him. It does not sound like you can avoid him, but if you do see him act like you aren't phased by him and continue to smile and be positive. This guy isn't worth being miserable over.
Trovador Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 He hates your guts... so what? Live well and happy and indirectly torment your ex suitor for losing an admirable woman like yourself... stupid guy! I don't know you and I am proud of you...
Author jess123 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 I guess that's a good way to look at it. My problem is I start dissecting every little detail and start thinking about the things that I've done wrong, or things I could have done different. I need to stop and just move on because that won't get me anywhere. If he really cared, I wouldn't have been in this situation in the first place.
Elle1975 Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 He doesn't care. You remember him as he was in the beginning. Thing is, he wasn't going to show his true colors right away, or you wouldn't have dated him. See where I'm getting?
Valen Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I think you handle the situation well. He is not good for you. He just wants to use you. It's nice to see a girl not fall for it and have the self respect to decline the offer. But the only mistake I think you are making is harboring the idea and feelings you want him back. Don't second guess your decision. Your first reaction was the right one and you should stand your ground. If thoughts of him pops up in your mind just be aware of it and then focus your mind on something else. Whatever you do, don't let him occupy your mind. If you really analyze the situation properly you should see that he is an ass, he played with your emotions and try to get you to have no-strings attached sex. Do you honestly think this guy is worth thinking about? This guy is a good manipulator. He knows he got you hook line and sinker. He's waiting for you to tired out and then he'll real you back in if you swim toward him. So be strong and move on.
dwerli Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I agree. I think you have handled it well up until now. I just broke up with my ex from work a week ago today. Luckily, I can avoid her a little better than you can apparently. That is until I accidentally got into the elevator that she was in today. It is awkward, but all you can do is your best to act normal and try and not to think about it and be completely professional in the office.
Author jess123 Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 I guess the fact that I still have feelings for him, I do still have unrealistic fantasy of wanting him back. I am also aware of it, and I try to keep myself busy and see friends and family so I don't have to think about him as much. As far a work goes, I have to communicate with him sometimes when there is certain information that needs to be passed down. We only see each other 3 times a week at work, so it's not as difficult. However, when we do see each other, we usually have to communicate briefly. I don't treat him any different and still act the same way as I normally would, I just don't joke with him, and no longer check up on how he is doing. (I did tell him I don't want to be friends, just professional relationship) I'm a very happy person and always have a smile on my face. I refuse to have him take that away from me.
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