Devildog Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 I have an odd situation here. I was at a web site yesterday and saw some pictures that I am about 95% sure are of my STBXW. These pictures show her in stages of undress. Her face is not visible in any of the pictures, hence the only being 95% sure. The body, which I had been intimate with for the past 8 years, is one heck of a match, she has lost some weight since the separation, so that too isn't 100%. Should I say anything to her? Not because it upsets me or anything, it doesn't. But out of courteousy? In the sense that someone she might have been intimate with (if it is indeed her) is posting these pictures possibly without her knowledge. If I say something, how do I go about it? It's a delicate situation.
MassiveAtom Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Hey, Man, that just leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know it's because >I'm< wounded by the same behavior of my ex. I say ex now cuz I have to force her out or I'll never get past this. I'll tell you what I did when I found her profile. I went numb for two days. Then I sent her an email about something else, and mentioned that I liked her profile. and thanked her for posting the photos because they were my favorites, I had been looking for them, and now I could download them and keep them as good memories. . I complimented her, and told her she looks like the perfect date! (kindof a double entendre) With plenty of LOLs and smileys. Go at it sideways, without judgement, and without any disapproval. But let her know they're there, and that you liked seeing her again that way. It's positive and with no pressure. It takes the responsibility you're feeling for her well being, and gives it back to her. It's her life Dd, You have yours to live now. MA
savethedrama4allama Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog I have an odd situation here. I was at a web site yesterday and saw some pictures that I am about 95% sure are of my STBXW. These pictures show her in stages of undress. Her face is not visible in any of the pictures, hence the only being 95% sure. The body, which I had been intimate with for the past 8 years, is one heck of a match, she has lost some weight since the separation, so that too isn't 100%. Should I say anything to her? Not because it upsets me or anything, it doesn't. But out of courteousy? In the sense that someone she might have been intimate with (if it is indeed her) is posting these pictures possibly without her knowledge. If I say something, how do I go about it? It's a delicate situation. I suppose that if an ex suspected there were naked pictures of me floating around, I'd want to know. I'd appreciate finding out most via an email providing a brief explanation of his concerns to our likeness and a link to the website in question.
imokurnot Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 If there were pictures of you floating around on the net I would surely like to know as well Make sure you let me know if/when this ever happens. LOL
tiki Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Tell her. You'd wanna know if your dong went hollywood.
CurlyIam Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Ok, how will you do that? I imagine the phone call: "Hi, Mary, you know, I was watching some naked females on the net one day and then I saw this one who looks just like you and i was wondering... Is it really you?" I think the situation is weird. Very weird. And if indeed it's her in her photos... well, it should do her well! It's not your problem anymore. I know you care, but at least try to tell yourself not to get emotionally involved. Tell us what you've decided!
Bubbles Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 If it were me? Sorry if this sounds mean but.......I would'nt care! Not one bit!!!! If I was a guy and I saw pictures of my ex half naked and exposing herself? Too bad! Sucks to be her! It's her life now and SHE has to answer for her own actions now. I know it's gotta be freakin' ya but..........tell yourself that - that kind of behaviour is the VERY REASON why she is the EX! Don't feel sorry for her.....I wouldn't and another thing......she does not belong to you any longer. The day she walked out that door was the very last day that you were responcible for her actions. Sorry to be brash, bubbles
wvd Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 if you really care, get an anonymous e-mail address, like a hotmail, and send her an e-mail. make sure it's descriptive enough in the subject and body so that she won't think it's just spam.
Barby Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 [color=red]Honestly how in the world can you be sure it was her? You say because of the body...but does she have any "markings" or birth marks or anything that you were know for sure I'm sure a lot of women are built the same, now it would be different if she does have "markings" or if she was in a place with similar surrondings that you are familiar with and can know for sure. My advice none the less is if you're basically sure then to email her the link, be polite and tell her you weren't sure if she posted these or if someone else did, in the case that someone else did you want her to be aware that her pics are floating around out there.[/color]
imokurnot Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 It is a reflection of him (in his mind anyway). Not that it is truly a reflection on him but it would feel that way to most guys I would think. It is her life and just look at it as though you kept her in check morales wise. When you guys split up she just lost her mind. It isn't a reflection on you and you may not even realize or think it is, or admit to it if you do. I think I would feel that way though if I honestly think about it. Not only that but it's like sharing and you don't want to think of it like that either. Oh I gotts go throw-up now, just pictured my ex w/ her new man and got the sharing thought in mey head and i am gonna chuke....
Author Devildog Posted February 5, 2005 Author Posted February 5, 2005 Well, the pictures are not high enough resolution that I can definitively determine markings and what not. Seriously folks, I am not hurt or upset or angry about the pictures if they are her. I have made my peace with the upcoming divorce. At this point I wouldn't go back even if she begged. I don't care what she does with her life. My main concern is she still is the primary custodial parent of our 3 year old daughter. My concern is if it is her, and she is getting mixed up with someone who would post intimate pictures of her without her knowledge, is that someone I would potentially want involved in my daughter's life?
soccorsilly Posted February 5, 2005 Posted February 5, 2005 Hey man you have a kid and posting those pics (if it is her) is irresopnsible--no matter if she posted them or someone else did. But then again, you don't look like the ideal dad if you are visiting sites with nekked women either. It is a tough situation. But you need to let her know. I like the hotmail idea--to be extra safe, send the email from a Kinkos or public library--that way tracking the ISP will be alittle more difficult if she goes ballistic. But I would say ..hey, this is not a crank email and I am someone that you know very well. I saw these pictures and thought they looked an awful lot like you. I am not sure if they are or if you even know they are out there, but in case you did not know, I wanted to give you the link and here it is http://www.ssss.com Then the ball is in her court.. You might want to even ask her to respond to you to put your mind at ease. Signed-- A concerned friend
Author Devildog Posted February 5, 2005 Author Posted February 5, 2005 If only it were that easy. But there really is no way to do it anonymously. Like I said, her face is not visible in any of the pics. And the list of people who would be able to identify her based on what she looks like undressed is really short. Like me, whoever took the pictures if they are her, and possibly one other person, the "friend" who destroyed our marriage. And they wouldn't be that familiar as to recognize her just on that. It would take her all of 3 seconds to figure out it was me.
WalkingTall Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Am I the only one that thinks getting another e-mail address that's anonymous to tell her something that is that personal, is just wrong? If it's a concern to the well being of your child, it's important enough to let your ex know its you.
CurlyIam Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 If you're decided to tell her, you could ask her to meet you for coffee one day - or something and give her a little note where you've explained your little discovery. You could also print the photos and put them in also. You'd see her reaction and would be able to defend yourself and tell her you have the best intentions, especially given the fact that you're both sharing the custody of a child. Just act like a total gentleman and I think it can actually work out, inspite the weird position you're both in. Bon courage, Curly
CoolAunt Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Were the pics at one of the "letsf*ck.com" match-making sites? Can't you just sign up at the web site where you saw the pics to strike up a conversation with her? It's wrong for 14 year old's mommy to post naked pics, says 14 year old's daddy who searches naked pics. Hypocrisy?
CurlyIam Posted February 6, 2005 Posted February 6, 2005 Sory, coolaunt, but it's really not the same thing. Watching a porn video ain't the same with staring in a porn video. Hell, almost all girls I know have browsed dirty sites, me included (on, sorry for confession). I watch it. Me. I don't expose my body to the world. See the difference?
wvd Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Originally posted by Devildog If only it were that easy. But there really is no way to do it anonymously. Like I said, her face is not visible in any of the pics. And the list of people who would be able to identify her based on what she looks like undressed is really short. Like me, whoever took the pictures if they are her, and possibly one other person, the "friend" who destroyed our marriage. And they wouldn't be that familiar as to recognize her just on that. It would take her all of 3 seconds to figure out it was me. not really, you'll have plausible deniability. if they are of her, then at least 2 people know what her body looks like, and she won't be able to pin it on you. if they aren't of her, then anyone could have sent the e-mail. in other words, you're fine. just word the e-mail properly.
Mr Spock Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 What's the big deal? The kid isn't going to be surfing online, for quite a while. No name, no problem. Leave it be DD. Just relax, and don't look at them any more. Let it go. No one else is going to think that's her except for you. I bet there are at least 6 other dudes out there in similar situations saying the exact same thing. If you feel you have to contact, just say "Hey, I saw a naked body online that I could SWEAR was yours" politely.
Merin Posted February 7, 2005 Posted February 7, 2005 Hmm.. Honestly if it's a concern for your daughter more (and you think a guy may have posted these photo's without your Ex's consent) then I would just tell her in an email.. "The other day I was browsing on the net, I came across some photo's that looked an awful lot like you.. because I didn't think you would post these types of photos of yourself on the net it occurred to me that they may have been posted without your consent. IF this were me and you had found photos of this nature posted of what you believed to be me, I would hope you would bring it to my attention for the same reason(s) I am now.. you're the Mom of my daughter, and I have concern for your and her well being."
Recommended Posts