Helena Cornelia Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) my long distance boyfriend and i had an agreement at skype on sunday evening. but he obviously forgot about that and went out with guys. he just apologized. i'm sooo mad. we are together 4 years, we love each other much and often talk about future. but this is not first time he cancelled our deal because he need to study or is going out. i never ever cancelled or forgot. what should i do to make him miss me more? we haven't heard since that. Edited April 22, 2014 by Helena Cornelia
Author Helena Cornelia Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 we are in long distance relationship 4 years, soon we are moving together in appartment. we meet each other every 2 months for about 2 weeks. i trust him, he trusts me. but he's often busy with his friends, studying, or hanging out. he texts me first every day but he doesn't have much time for talking on skype. i told him i need more communication but he says that nothing 'extra' happening in our lives so it wouldn't be tragedy if didn't hear each other for half of the day. on sunday evening we had agreement on skype, but he obviously forgot and went out with guys. he just apologized. i'm so mad and disappointed. i never ever forgot about our deal. we haven't heard since then. please give me some advice how should i behave to get more attention from him? don't tell me to talk to him about that cause i'm sick of that.
Leashy55 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I can relate. My ex-boyfriend chose drinking and friends over me all the time. Let me tell you, it will never change. He will continue to do it more and more. Eventually, he will start not caring about your feelings which will kill you. Sit down and have a major talk with him. Tell him it has to change or he loses you and hopefully, that will make him open his eyes.
pteromom Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 he says that nothing 'extra' happening in our lives so it wouldn't be tragedy if didn't hear each other for half of the day. I actually agree with him. You don't need CONSTANT communication to stay connected. on sunday evening we had agreement on skype, but he obviously forgot and went out with guys. he just apologized. i'm so mad and disappointed. That wasn't nice of him. please give me some advice how should i behave to get more attention from him? don't tell me to talk to him about that cause i'm sick of that. So if you don't want to talk to him, what advice do you want here? A game you can play to scare him into being more attentive? If you want to move in and have an adult relationship with him, you have to approach this like an adult. You have to tell him what you need, and come to an agreement with him that works for both of you. If he isn't willing to do what needs to be done to make you feel loved, you have to decide whether he really is the right guy for you. The thing is - if you are a high-needs person who wants constant attention and connection, and he is a guy who likes his space and time with friends, it's better for you guys to negotiate that now vs. when you are living together. 3
soccerrprp Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I can relate. My ex-boyfriend chose drinking and friends over me all the time. Let me tell you, it will never change. He will continue to do it more and more. Eventually, he will start not caring about your feelings which will kill you. Sit down and have a major talk with him. Tell him it has to change or he loses you and hopefully, that will make him open his eyes. After talking to him and threatening to leave, did he change for any period of time? OP, I agree with Leashy. Give him an ultimatum. But, since yours is a LDR, he LESS likely to agree to such an ultimatum. And even if he did, I also agree with Leashy that he will not change. Believe me, once he knows that he has you, he may change for a bit, but will revert to his old ways. He's inconsiderate now.....I doubt he will change permanently (if he does at all for any time).
Keenly Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Don't use manipulation to get what you want. You can't make some one miss you. They either do or they don't. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 What did you do before he came along? Did you have a life of your own? Do you no longer have that?
Author Helena Cornelia Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 What did you do before he came along? Did you have a life of your own? Do you no longer have that? well of course i had, and i have it now. but now he is part of my life too, and it's really logic that i need sometimes talk to him on skype, right?
GemmaUK Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 well of course i had, and i have it now. but now he is part of my life too, and it's really logic that i need sometimes talk to him on skype, right? 'Sometimes' yes but ow often is sometimes for you? This was half a day wasn't it? Forgive me I may have misread. If it was a few days fair play. If it is only half a day...then you need your own life back.
GemmaUK Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I think I confused this with another post so apologies. You can't make someone miss you more though. Just like you can't make someone love you.
Author Helena Cornelia Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 'Sometimes' yes but ow often is sometimes for you? This was half a day wasn't it? Forgive me I may have misread. If it was a few days fair play. If it is only half a day...then you need your own life back. we haven't talked on skype for a week.
Tayla Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 we haven't talked on skype for a week. Oh since you put it like that, its imparative that you go to your nearest phone (or window) and in the loudest voice.... Report this man!!! How atrocious that he wasted one week without hearing your loving voice!!! Seriously and with the best of intentions, he is not a puppet . There needs to come a time where you toned back on neediness and tone up on communicating lovingly. I sincerely hope you both level out once you reside together.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 You've told him what you need and want, and it sounds like he's not giving it to you. So you can accept what he is giving, or accept he's not going to give what you want and move on. Long distance relationships are difficult, and one of the biggest keys to success is consistent, reliable communication. Without communication, you have nothing. I've had a few relationships that were long distance for part of the time, and I never would have gone for it without the reliable daily communication we had. 2
Recommended Posts