paperwings Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 My Ex emailed me yesterday saying she is working up the courage to come back to the house and pick up her things in a few weeks. Then I get a text this morning saying she will be in the area tomorrow morning for a funeral and asks if it's ok that she stops by afterwards to get those things. I can't unravel my healing like this. I don't want her here. I have to say no. I just want reassurance from you guys. I've been making great progress, but I know what seeing her is going to do....
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Have a brother or sister or a trusted friend meet her at the house. You be gone. Go visit somewhere for the day. Just be gone. They can text you when she's no longer there. 1
Author paperwings Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 ...you actually advocate having her in my home? For a bit of a backstory -- she cheated and abandoned everything she knew. There are no "trusted" friends that are going to side with her on this one. No way... I can't have that... It's been over 3 months. This isn't her storage locker. Best I can do is have a few boxes at the curb, but I didn't even want her that close. I was hoping for more of a "it's okay if you tell her no at this time" or "tell her you'll ship it" type response. And that's what I'm going with. Three months ago she said to get rid of all of her things because she no longer needs them. I've made great progress, but even receiving the text this morning set me back. She's not welcome.
Zahara Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) ...you actually advocate having her in my home? For a bit of a backstory -- she cheated and abandoned everything she knew. There are no "trusted" friends that are going to side with her on this one. No way... I can't have that... It's been over 3 months. This isn't her storage locker. Best I can do is have a few boxes at the curb, but I didn't even want her that close. I was hoping for more of a "it's okay if you tell her no at this time" or "tell her you'll ship it" type response. And that's what I'm going with. Three months ago she said to get rid of all of her things because she no longer needs them. I've made great progress, but even receiving the text this morning set me back. She's not welcome. Pack it all in a box and ship it to her. If you can't have her in your home, if you don't have friends to help and if you can't bear seeing her -- then get all her stuff shipped to her. Tell her you will not be available and that she is not allowed in your apartment while you are not there and that her things will be mailed to her. No contact after that. Edited April 22, 2014 by Zahara 1
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) ...you actually advocate having her in my home? For a bit of a backstory -- she cheated and abandoned everything she knew. There are no "trusted" friends that are going to side with her on this one. No way... I can't have that... It's been over 3 months. This isn't her storage locker. Best I can do is have a few boxes at the curb, but I didn't even want her that close. I was hoping for more of a "it's okay if you tell her no at this time" or "tell her you'll ship it" type response. And that's what I'm going with. Three months ago she said to get rid of all of her things because she no longer needs them. I've made great progress, but even receiving the text this morning set me back. She's not welcome. She has a right to get her sh*t so you can stop being her storage locker! My point is, she's coming around to get her crap. Have it boxed up and ready to go, but most important is for her NOT TO SEE YOU! That's why I stated have one of YOUR friends or a relative there to ensure she doesn't take something that isn't hers. You state that you're making great progress over the three months. Great! But, I guarantee you that if you see her NOW, that progress is going into the toilet and it's going to set you back a bit. And as harshly as you came back at me, proves to me that you're not ready to deal with her being around if you flew off the handle at a suggestion. And if you were over it, you would have thrown out her sh*t when she told you to the first time she suggested it. But, after three months, you're still holding onto it. And if you were banking on one of us saying to you to just "Mail it to her." Well, why do you need US to tell you that? Why didn't you just do it yourself from the get go? Edited April 22, 2014 by Chi townD
Author paperwings Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 Thanks for the honesty, ChitownD. I was posting from an emotional spot and I apologize if I came off as harsh or as asking a question that I already answered myself. Your thoughts that I'm not ready to deal with seeing her is correct -- I stated that myself. I merely posted as a gut check. I know what to do.
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 It's all good dude. Look, I know where you're at. You feel like your making good progress and all the sudden, she wants to come back into your life to get her sh*t. I get it. You have every right to angry and apprehensive about everything. But, you need to let her get her crap because you would be severing that last thread that's holding you two together. You can look at this as the break that you need. Once she gets this stuff, then there's no reason for further communication with her. You can get on with your life and continue to make positive changes! I'm still in your corner dude! 1
bubbaganoosh Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 You do realize that every time you look at something in your house that belongs to her, a memory or two pops up in your head and if you don't get her stuff out of there, then it's going to take you a whole lot longer to heal. Look. Pack her stuff up and when she calls you to let you know she's on her way, let her know that it's packed up and on the porch and leave it at that. Go to work or if your off that day, go visit someone but just don't be there. Out of sight, out of mind in this case. You don't need to be there. If she suggest that she wants to talk to her, tell her no and let her know that you wont be there and there is nothing to discuss.
d0nnivain Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 It's really OK if you can't see her or talk to her. It's not OK to keep her stuff. It sounds like it would be easiest & cheapest for you to have her come get her crap. Why do you want to take your time & your money shipping her stuff? That can get expensive. I agree that you should be elsewhere & let her come by while a trusted friend or family member supervises. If you really loathe the idea of her in your space again and you don't mind packing up her stuff, box it all up & take it to a neutral safe place where she can pick it up; again I'm thinking a friend's house. I wouldn't leave it at the curb because it could get stolen. The sooner you get rid of all her stuff the better & more complete your healing will be.
KatZee Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 No one's saying you have to see her, but you DO have her stuff... and if you were so against your home being her "storage locker" you would have thrown her crap in the garbage from the very beginning. She hurt you, we get it. I've been cheated on, it sucks. But as already stated, she has a right to her property. Put all her stuff in a box, leave it at your front door (not the curb... as that's where garbage is picked up from and there are always looters). Tell her a time she can come get it, and then go out for the day. By the time you get back, her crap will be gone, your home will no longer be her "storage locker" and you will never have to see or hear from her again. Very simple.
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