Ryan52 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 My ex gf and I dated for 2 years but left me for her current bf. We have been broken up for a year, have not seen each other in a year and have not spoken in 9 months. She had blocked my Facebook multiple times since the break up. In July she threatened me with a restraining order eventhough she initiated contact with me for two straight days. We talked about my dog, Dylan who passed and things got out of hand. Both of us were trying to make one another jealous. 3 months later, she unblocks my Facebook randomly and then reblocked me 2 weeks later for no reason. 3 months after that, a mutual friend of mine and the ex, went out to dinner with the ex and the ex's bf. My ex asked the mutual friend about me and how I was doing infront of her bf. The mutual friend said my ex's questions about me made my ex's bf uncomfortable. One month later my ex refriended my best friend on Facebook . They were friends when we were together but all of my friends ditched her after the break up. THEN a month later, my ex randomly unblocked me on Facebook again. It's been 2 months since she unblocked me and now sent me an email to my aol account. Remember, we have not spoken since July. The email said: "My ex just emailed me saying "Hello, Jared. I just wanted to send you an email saying I'm really sorry I couldn't be there for you when you had to put Dylan down. I really wish I had sent you a card or something, but at the time it just didn't seem like a good idea. I really do know how much he meant to you. I'm sure it's still hard to think about and still stings to this day. I don't expect an email back or anything. Hope you're doing well! Have a good day! " I'm currently seeing someone (this is my third gf since this ex). What is my ex doing and why?
FortunateSon Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 She is relieving her guilt and making sure you don't hate her. This email is really all about her. It might be best to just ignore it, keep NC, and continue moving on. 2
sumathi Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Your girl friend seems to have an uncertain mind and is not that trustworthy. Why do you reply to her emails? You should completely ignore her after she left you for another person. Can you be just friends with her without getting seriously involved in another unsure relationship? If it is only friendliness she seeks there is nothing wrong in being her Facebook friend, but if she makes you feel confused, why don't you block her and take her completely off your life?
Chi townD Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I agree. Guilt. I keep on telling folks that sooner or later an Ex is going to feel bad about the way they treated you and they'll throw out a breadcrumb. It just took you a year to get yours. Probably your mutual friend got her thinking about you and the way she treated you. If I were you, I would just write it off.
Author Ryan52 Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 I agree. Guilt. I keep on telling folks that sooner or later an Ex is going to feel bad about the way they treated you and they'll throw out a breadcrumb. It just took you a year to get yours. Probably your mutual friend got her thinking about you and the way she treated you. If I were you, I would just write it off. Thanks... That mutual friend thing happened in January so it's been awhile since that. I know my ex keeps going on my facebook because she keeps blocking and unblocking me. Obviously she wants my attention and I'm not sure why.
FortunateSon Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 My ex did the same thing, she would repeatedly block and unblock me on Facebook even though she was in a new relationship. When I saw she unblocked me again I took the opportunity to block her and it was a tremendous relief. It is nice to longer have to deal with that...the way I look at it, she broke up with me, she no longer has the privilege to look into my life and check up on me. 1
No Limit Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 She needs attention. Nothing to waste your thoughts on, move on in life. Her behavior surely isn't quite... healthy either.
Author Ryan52 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 So I replied to the email in a nicely fashion and at the end saying we should catch up sometime. She replies saying how shocked she was that my response was so positive. She didn't think I would reply. Then she says she would love to catch up but can't evaluate it's disrespectful to her bf. so I don't reply. One hour later she calls me saying she asked her bf if it was okay to call me and he said yes? She was so happy to talk me. We haven't spoken this well since the BU. She said she was happy we didn't speak for 9 months because we are both in better places mentally. She said this was a closure type phone call (a yr after the BU?). She was also concerned how I felt about her. She wanted me to let go of my negative feelings for her. We talked about our families and lives in a positive manner. She said when we get off the phone, it will be a while the next time we speak because she's in a relationship. I decide to make an excuse to get off the phone 10 minutes in and she sounded all depressed. I call a mutual friend and tell her the story. My friend says my ex is reminiscing about the past and liking old photos of my friends and I because my ex is graduating college. My ex doesn't have any friends and is sad. I decide to write this long message to my ex saying I can't have her contact me out of the blue because it's not fair to me. I tell her I still care about her but I have no idea how to feel about her due to her actions (restraining order, blocking me and dumping me for another). I tell her if she wants to be in my life she can give me some sort of apology and not one about my dog. I wish her well in life and stuff. Then I tell her I have to block her because it isn't fair to me. She can't come into my life at her convience.
lauri Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 So I replied to the email in a nicely fashion and at the end saying we should catch up sometime. She replies saying how shocked she was that my response was so positive. She didn't think I would reply. Then she says she would love to catch up but can't evaluate it's disrespectful to her bf. so I don't reply. One hour later she calls me saying she asked her bf if it was okay to call me and he said yes? She was so happy to talk me. We haven't spoken this well since the BU. She said she was happy we didn't speak for 9 months because we are both in better places mentally. She said this was a closure type phone call (a yr after the BU?). She was also concerned how I felt about her. She wanted me to let go of my negative feelings for her. We talked about our families and lives in a positive manner. She said when we get off the phone, it will be a while the next time we speak because she's in a relationship. I decide to make an excuse to get off the phone 10 minutes in and she sounded all depressed. I call a mutual friend and tell her the story. My friend says my ex is reminiscing about the past and liking old photos of my friends and I because my ex is graduating college. My ex doesn't have any friends and is sad. I decide to write this long message to my ex saying I can't have her contact me out of the blue because it's not fair to me. I tell her I still care about her but I have no idea how to feel about her due to her actions (restraining order, blocking me and dumping me for another). I tell her if she wants to be in my life she can give me some sort of apology and not one about my dog. I wish her well in life and stuff. Then I tell her I have to block her because it isn't fair to me. She can't come into my life at her convience. You could have just avoided this whole thing by not responding in the first place. I suggest that you go straight back to NC, I don't think she will be contacting you again now that she got her ego boost. Anyways dude, no worries. Just move forward and don't talk to her again.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 So I replied to the email in a nicely fashion and at the end saying we should catch up sometime. She replies saying how shocked she was that my response was so positive. She didn't think I would reply. Then she says she would love to catch up but can't evaluate it's disrespectful to her bf. so I don't reply. One hour later she calls me saying she asked her bf if it was okay to call me and he said yes? She was so happy to talk me. We haven't spoken this well since the BU. She said she was happy we didn't speak for 9 months because we are both in better places mentally. She said this was a closure type phone call (a yr after the BU?). She was also concerned how I felt about her. She wanted me to let go of my negative feelings for her. We talked about our families and lives in a positive manner. She said when we get off the phone, it will be a while the next time we speak because she's in a relationship. I decide to make an excuse to get off the phone 10 minutes in and she sounded all depressed. I call a mutual friend and tell her the story. My friend says my ex is reminiscing about the past and liking old photos of my friends and I because my ex is graduating college. My ex doesn't have any friends and is sad. I decide to write this long message to my ex saying I can't have her contact me out of the blue because it's not fair to me. I tell her I still care about her but I have no idea how to feel about her due to her actions (restraining order, blocking me and dumping me for another). I tell her if she wants to be in my life she can give me some sort of apology and not one about my dog. I wish her well in life and stuff. Then I tell her I have to block her because it isn't fair to me. She can't come into my life at her convience. Imagine how much of this drama you could have avoided by just deleting the e-mail. Not only did you absolve her guilt, now you look like a flip-flopper for wanting to catch up and now saying you don't want to. Next time just leave well enough alone. Some doors shouldn't be reopened.
Author Ryan52 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 I don't think I gave her an ego boost. I referenced the girl I'm seeing in the email. My ex even asked about her on the phone.
Simon Phoenix Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I don't think I gave her an ego boost. I referenced the girl I'm seeing in the email. My ex even asked about her on the phone. Dude, you definitely did. I mean, you're seeing a girl and you still want to meet up? That might be the ultra-ego boost. You screwed up, it's ok. Don't do it again and don't try to spin it. 1
Author Ryan52 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Dude, you definitely did. I mean, you're seeing a girl and you still want to meet up? That might be the ultra-ego boost. You screwed up, it's ok. Don't do it again and don't try to spin it. I never asked to meet up. I said catch up sometime, like a phone call a month from now. She said she couldn't and I left it at that. She then called me and I answered. I didn't know it was her since I deleted her number. My email was basically a what the hell do you want (in a nicer sense). Plus if she needs a ego boost, that means she's not happy with her situation. Ya and she changed her profile pic of her and her bf to just her.
Jiivy Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 we ALL mess up, I'm sure even our vets have done it at one point in their illustrious dating careers...how else do you think we learn? through experience! It's ok, but how do you feel about it now? bad? You had to make a thread on LS to look for advice...so I'm going to say at the very least, not good. Keep up the NC, go out and there and discover with us that you don't need someone who's going to dump you for another. You're not alone.
Summerrose2013 Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 We've all been there with slip ups. We want them to change and its only after we prolong our own agony and get used and fobbed off time after time that we ever learn. With some people, probably myself included, I really feel as if I have to have exhausted all my words and completely offloaded onto my exes before I can truly walk away from them. But this is about me and what I need. I need to get it out of my system. Chances are that it's no longer even relevant what they think anyway because even if I love them still I don't like then.
mutualove Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 So I replied to the email in a nicely fashion and at the end saying we should catch up sometime. She replies saying how shocked she was that my response was so positive. She didn't think I would reply. Then she says she would love to catch up but can't evaluate it's disrespectful to her bf. so I don't reply. One hour later she calls me saying she asked her bf if it was okay to call me and he said yes? She was so happy to talk me. We haven't spoken this well since the BU. She said she was happy we didn't speak for 9 months because we are both in better places mentally. She said this was a closure type phone call (a yr after the BU?). She was also concerned how I felt about her. She wanted me to let go of my negative feelings for her. We talked about our families and lives in a positive manner. She said when we get off the phone, it will be a while the next time we speak because she's in a relationship. I decide to make an excuse to get off the phone 10 minutes in and she sounded all depressed. I call a mutual friend and tell her the story. My friend says my ex is reminiscing about the past and liking old photos of my friends and I because my ex is graduating college. My ex doesn't have any friends and is sad. I decide to write this long message to my ex saying I can't have her contact me out of the blue because it's not fair to me. I tell her I still care about her but I have no idea how to feel about her due to her actions (restraining order, blocking me and dumping me for another). I tell her if she wants to be in my life she can give me some sort of apology and not one about my dog. I wish her well in life and stuff. Then I tell her I have to block her because it isn't fair to me. She can't come into my life at her convience. She clearly stated she wanted to alleviate her guilt. I've heard those lines just before things ended.Apparently they absolutely hate to be thought of as a bad person.Never give them the pleasure and just move on..
lauri Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 This whole situation reminds me of my ex in some aspects. After I walked away from her when she broke up with me in a parking lot, she said she got "sexually harassed". I know for a fact its not true. However, I understand why you wanted to talk to her and why you did what you did. Your ex took it too far - now she thinks what she did was okay and that you're willing to forgive her. I seriously get it man, but I'm telling you to protect yourself don't respond or talk to her again. All this is about her and making sure you don't hate her.
Author Ryan52 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 This whole situation reminds me of my ex in some aspects. After I walked away from her when she broke up with me in a parking lot, she said she got "sexually harassed". I know for a fact its not true. However, I understand why you wanted to talk to her and why you did what you did. Your ex took it too far - now she thinks what she did was okay and that you're willing to forgive her. I seriously get it man, but I'm telling you to protect yourself don't respond or talk to her again. All this is about her and making sure you don't hate her. I got the feeling she wanted to alleviate guilt in the phone call. My email was basically to let her know she effed up. I made her guilt worse. I was somewhat on the offensive w her.
pret Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 I got the feeling she wanted to alleviate guilt in the phone call. My email was basically to let her know she effed up. I made her guilt worse. I was somewhat on the offensive w her. Is that it for you now even if she responds? Are you back in NC?
Author Ryan52 Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Ya I'm back in no contact. When this was happening, I talked to a mutual friend of the ex and mine. She's more of my friend. See all of my friends were my ex's friends. She knew them all through me. She lost them all except this mutual friend when she broke up with me. My ex has no friends anymore. This mutual friend said she's had it with my ex and will talk to her about. She says she knows why she is doing this and it's because she is nostalgic. My mutual friend said my ex isn't mature enough atm. She's getting mad at her because she's starting to see the real person who is my ex. My exes life isn't that good right now. She isn't having as much fun as she did with me and my friends, hence ring nastalic. I don't think she wanted an ego boost but she could have wanted to alleviate some of the guilt but she is also missing something. She has untreated depression.
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