Jenny_23 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 i've been seeing this guy for a while now, about 5 months with no title or anything. Now i've asked him recently if he wants to take it to the next level. He seems to dodge that question a lot and the thing is, i haven't given him any sex because i told him we need a title first in order to do "anything". He keeps telling me "how can he know how the ride is if he can't "test drive it". Is that what's keeping him from being committed to me?
Mrin Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 There is much wrong here starting with you withholding sex for a title unless you're 18. You probably triggered Challenge Mode by that. Surprised he hasn't said whatever you wanted him to say so he can sleep with you and then leave. Sorry - but that is just how men are. Perhaps he doesn't consider the juice to be worth the squeeze.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 So the decision on if you get a title is defined by "how good the ride is"? Why on earth do you want anything to to with someone like that. If someone said that to me (and has in a different way before) I would be so turned off it's unreal. I don't agree with withholding sex, simply do it when you are sure. 2
Author Jenny_23 Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 So the decision on if you get a title is defined by "how good the ride is"? Why on earth do you want anything to to with someone like that. If someone said that to me (and has in a different way before) I would be so turned off it's unreal. I don't agree with withholding sex, simply do it when you are sure. i've just dealt with enough men that want sex and just leave at the end, i want someone that is serious about a relationship
iiiii Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Am I the only person here totally mystified by this post? OP, what do you mean by the "next level"? Does going to the "next level" mean him becoming monogamous with you, or officially declaring you his girlfriend, or having sex, or proposing marriage? What kind of "title" do you want? Girlfriend? Wife? Ma'am? And witholding sex until you get what you want is not good for a relationship. There are lots of good reasons to not have sex, but just using it as leverage to get what you want is not one of those good reasons. 1
Author Jenny_23 Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 Am I the only person here totally mystified by this post? OP, what do you mean by the "next level"? Does going to the "next level" mean him becoming monogamous with you, or officially declaring you his girlfriend, or having sex, or proposing marriage? What kind of "title" do you want? Girlfriend? Wife? Ma'am? And witholding sex until you get what you want is not good for a relationship. There are lots of good reasons to not have sex, but just using it as leverage to get what you want is not one of those good reasons. next level meaning being his Girlfriend
iiiii Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 So, you'r in a monogamous relationship but you just want him to officially label you his girlfriend? Or you want him to stop shagging other girls so you have an exclusive girlfriend-boyfriend type relationship? Either way, if he's not prepared to call you his girlfriend before shagging you, sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into shagging him? Which makes him not exactly ideal boyfriend material anyway, right? Kind of a weird situation. 1
Leigh 87 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 "how can he know how the ride is if he can't "test drive it". Is that what's keeping him from being committed to me? :sick::sick::sick::sick::sick:
contact1 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 It's like both sides are wrong here, he doesn't want to move forward until seeing if sex is good, and you are using sex as a way to get what you want. Honestly, it is just a stand off between you two now, which won't end well either way. I will give him a little credit for not just calling you his girlfriend just to get sex, despite how awful he is as calling it a test drive
Arieswoman Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Jenny_23, He keeps telling me "how can he know how the ride is if he can't "test drive it". ^^^^^^^ That is totally disrespectful and is one reason I would break up with him. Is that what's keeping him from being committed to me? No-one can read his mind but IMO there should be no sex without monogamy. If he can't even call you his "girlfriend" then it doesn't seem like he takes the relationship seriously. Sorry, but you just aren't on the same page on this one, you should ditch him and look for a guy who does want to be serious about you. Good Luck. 1
Omei Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I have a question has he seen you completely naked? Just wondering I would not want to commit to someone in a relationship and then find out the sex had zero life and excitement in it. But honestly the fact that its been 5 months he shows no interest in talking about being official even if you did have sex with him I do not think it would matter one bit, 5 months have passed he has no interest in making you his gf.
Arieswoman Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Omnei, I would not want to commit to someone in a relationship and then find out the sex had zero life and excitement in it. So you would support the "try before you buy" philosophy ?
Andy_K Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 So the decision on if you get a title is defined by "how good the ride is"? Why on earth do you want anything to to with someone like that. If someone said that to me (and has in a different way before) I would be so turned off it's unreal. It's a crass way of phrasing it, but if the question were 'is sexual compatibility (or lack of) a potential relationship killer', almost everyone would give a resounding YES as the answer. Is it so crazy to want to get a feel for that compatibility before becoming official? In my opinion, no. I'm sure you can understand that nobody wants to make things official after five months unless they're really confident it's going to work. if there is still the elephant in the room of the unknown sex life, that's quite the gamble. If he were an ass, he wouldn't have waited five months already. The two just don't seem to have compatible views on sex/relationships. 1
Omei Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Omnei, So you would support the "try before you buy" philosophy ? Im not a believer on having sex on the first few dates... I find sex boring unless I care for someone... I could never stay in a relationship where I thought the sex was boring or I wasn't attracted to him naked. i'll put it this way ither I have to have already fallen or yes try before commitment. in her case it won't matter if she has sex with him or not 5 months has gone and clearly he has no interest in being official.
Author Jenny_23 Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 i'm thinking that he's giving me the run around and i'm going to just get out of it it that's the case
iiiii Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I don't know any guys that would refuse to call someone a "girlfriend" or insist on keeping the relationship open, simply because they hadn't yet shagged the girl they were dating. It seems a bit strange. Just agreeing to monogamy or calling someone a "girlfriend" isn't exactly a huge commitment. I mean, it's not marriage she's after. If they have terrible sex and can't fix it, he can still leave at that point. Sounds to me like either he's manipulative, obnoxious, or just not that into the OP. 3
Lani Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Guy sounds like a douche. And your neediness here won't help. He's either in or he's out, and it's pretty obvious what road he's taking. You're incompatible. I suggest moving on. 2
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 i've just dealt with enough men that want sex and just leave at the end, i want someone that is serious about a relationship I know what you mean darling however if he has to have sex before you can be exclusive he's no better than the others. A man his to earn a woman's body, just as she "should" have to earn his. It's a trust thing. He sounds like an ass who wants to get his dick wet to me
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 It's a crass way of phrasing it, but if the question were 'is sexual compatibility (or lack of) a potential relationship killer', almost everyone would give a resounding YES as the answer. Is it so crazy to want to get a feel for that compatibility before becoming official? In my opinion, no. I'm sure you can understand that nobody wants to make things official after five months unless they're really confident it's going to work. if there is still the elephant in the room of the unknown sex life, that's quite the gamble. If he were an ass, he wouldn't have waited five months already. The two just don't seem to have compatible views on sex/relationships. He could very well be in it for the chase at 5 months. Let's face it if they do it, it's not as good as he likes he's going to get rid of her anyway. I agree it's crass and sexual incompatibility sucks - however a relationship is about more than sex (coming from a nymph) and sex can be worked on. Trying before buying is entirely not necessary if some effort and teaching is included (if needed)
Emilia Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 i've been seeing this guy for a while now, about 5 months with no title or anything. Now i've asked him recently if he wants to take it to the next level. He seems to dodge that question a lot and the thing is, i haven't given him any sex because i told him we need a title first in order to do "anything". He keeps telling me "how can he know how the ride is if he can't "test drive it". Is that what's keeping him from being committed to me? That's a pretty direct response to me. He isn't all that interested in you, probably getting laid in the meantime so the 5 monhts wait is meaningless. You aren't his girlfriend so it's not like he is cheating on you (). The way to get a decent guy is to look out for one with good character. This waity waity thing is just playing games. 4
Andy_K Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I guess the real question is, are you exclusive? Is he seeing anyone else? It's been five months. If he's only dated and had any physical intimacy with you for a significant chunk of that time, then he already has given you a commitment. He just hasn't given you a title. If this is the case he's already taking a chance on you, so it's only fair you do the same for him. On the other hand if you have no exclusivity and he's been dating around, then by all means either dump him or get him to agree to exclusivity before you do anything, even if the title has to wait a bit longer. 1
HappyLove Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 If you're dating a guy FIVE MONTHS and he doesn't want you to be his girl or be exclusive then dump him and stop wasting your time! There should be other qualities about you that makes him want you to be his and only his. He will drop you so fast as soon as he gets what he wants. Good for you for not giving it up to some guy who can't even commit to you. Saves a lot of heartache. 5
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