A Couple of Questions Regarding Online Dating

[JackieChiles]

I have been doing online dating for maybe 6 months now. I very much enjoy it, but it has it's downfalls as well. Mainly what a girl's intention is. I was using Plenty of Fish and OKCupid for a while. I liked these sites, but found that most people on the sites didn't know what they wanted. Or were too insecure to do anything about it. I feel like many people on those sites have no intentions of ever really meeting anyone. Those who do seem to make it a bit awkward. One girl said she wanted to only make friends on there, but then she ended up wanting more from me. One girl was visa versa. Some girls just want to get laid and some want a relationship. It's tough to read these signs.

 

I think I've met over 10 girls now on Online sites. 8 of which went for second dates or more. About half of those went somewhere. I think it's a decent success.

 

At this point, I'm looking at hopefully getting into a relationship. So I joined Match.com, thinking that if people are paying for an online dating site, that they're at least willing to meet people.

 

So I went on a couple of dates with one girl off of there. The first was five days ago, we just grabbed a drink after work pretty much to get to know each other. The second was tonight. I asked her a couple days in advance to grab some frozen yogurt with me today, since it's nice out and we live pretty much in the same area. We get there, sit down with our yogurt and talk. She asks if I want to get a drink, I say sure. I buy the first round and then she asks if I want another and I say sure. Really was a great date. She sounded like she was looking for a relationship as well, as she would ask me questions about myself that seemed like they were meant to see how compatible I was with her. Anyways, we finish our drinks outside. Her friend was going to pick her up and they were going to smoke weed (which was one of her questions to me). Her house is one way and mine is the opposite. So we hug and say goodbye. We were in public on the sidewalk with a bunch of people eating or drinking around us, and I tried to read her, and I didn't go for a kiss. She didn't give an indication.

 

Anyways, to my real question. I'm not much a believer in the "friendzone." To me, a girl either wants you or doesn't. So does not kissing her really matter? She's on an paid online dating site to date, right? Let's say we meet again. I can't imagine that she's here to make friends.

 

My other question is... how many people date multiple people when on a dating website? That's always been a bit of a concern for me. I've done it before. I've met different girls in the same week and then went on second dates. No sex of course. But it's quite the paranoia for me in general. Do I speed things up? Did I make a mistake by not kissing her?

 

I'm not really afraid of her not being interested in me, because I think she is and perhaps even more than I'm interested in her. But I'm new to Match.com and would like to hear other people's experiences. Thanks..

 

Meanwhile, another girl I've met on Match.com has never met anyone else which I find just crazy. I feel like guys just blow up girls message boxes on these sites.

Edited April 22, 2014 by JackieChiles

[Phoe]

I totally get the logic that someone who is paying for a site means that their intentions are more serious than those who are on a free site, it totally makes sense, but it's certainly not a guarantee.

 

I personally know a handful of successfully married couples who met via OLD and they all came from POF rather than a paid site.

[JackieChiles]

I totally get the logic that someone who is paying for a site means that their intentions are more serious than those who are on a free site, it totally makes sense, but it's certainly not a guarantee.

 

I personally know a handful of successfully married couples who met via OLD and they all came from POF rather than a paid site.

 

Oh, I agree. Before I met this girl, she asked me about my experience with Match. She asked me about it on the first date as well. She gave me her number, not the other way around, and she asked me out on our first date. And actually asked me out a second time, but we had to reschedule. She's also looking for older guys who are independent and successful. So I'm not too worried with her in that regard. And actually, she said that I was the first person she's met on Match.com and if she's being true about her schedule (which is possible because of the holiday weekend), then I'm still likely the only one she's met and I've gone on two dates with her.

 

I guess I'm just looking for people's experiences with Match.com versus POF or OKCupid. If there is a difference in terms of the people, their intentions, how they date, why the date, etc.

 

 

Another observation that I would like to add, and it doesn't really mean anything. But the women on Match.com seem to be far more attractive in general than POF or OKCupid. Not quite sure why. More self esteem? I mean the two girls that I've met on Match alone were more attractive than all the other girls I've met besides maybe one of them.

Edited April 22, 2014 by JackieChiles

[TheyCallMeOx]

I didn't have success with Match.com. It seemed like too much of a money pit, and I didn't get any bites. I've had more success on OkCupid, but that's not saying too much. The first woman I went on a date with ended up telling me that it was a "just friends" kind of date. The second woman I pursued ended up cancelling the first date. Then she lead me on for a week and ended up telling me that she's dating a good friend of hers now just a day before the rescheduled date. The third woman I've pursued is heart-broken and wants to spend time being friends, but is unable to spend time with people in public until she develops comfort with you. The fourth woman I'm pursuing seems to be going on a date with me next friday, and I don't know what to expect. The only woman I feel confident that we're gonna actually do something is a woman that's 4 years older than me, and essentially wants to get banged from behind. From my experience, most women on dating services don't know what they want.

 

The MOST IMPORTANT thing you can do when it comes to online dating is ASK QUESTIONS. Get personal. It might be a turn off to ask questions like that, but I believe that a woman is only turned off by a question if she's afraid to answer it. A woman who has nothing to hide will answer honestly, without emotion, and will be direct with you. But if she's going through something, you'll pick up on it. She'll say something subtle, but you'll catch it. You'll also be direct with her too. When I initially talk to a woman, I'll tell her my intentions. If she wants to be friends, I tell her that I'm not interested in it for long. I'm going to pursue women, and she's got a limited timeframe cause I'm not going to waste my time. If she ain't ready to date, then she shouldn't be on a dating service. You want friends? Meetup.com and other places. Dating services are for dating. Women who don't understand that concept aren't worth your time.

 

Not only should you ask a lot of questions, but you should be prepared for anything. I've had a lot of "bad luck" so far, but maybe your experiences will be different. Either way, I had too many expectations, and I was disappointed multiple times for different reasons. The best thing you can do, besides be communicative, is expect nothing. If **** happens, it happens. Otherwise, no big deal. No matter how hard you try, you'll never know what's going to happen until it happens. Prepare for the uncertain.

[True Gent]

My experience of POF and Match.com is that POF seems to be more successful for me.

 

I had the same logic as you and thought a paid site would ensure better clientele, it's not the case so far. I find the age group of women I'm interested in (26-36) seem much more attractive and much more likely to respond on POF.

 

I get women approaching me on both sites, but match seems to have the least attractive of the two in my opinion and the most desperate...

 

I've had the best dates from POF without a doubt. I've never got beyond a first date with anyone from match. It probably doesn't make any difference which site you meet someone from, it's the actual person that counts. Just so far match is a bit of a flop for me.

 

I also much prefer the POF app for my iPad and the website just seems nicer to use in general too. I also use Zoosk and hate the layout, I've never had a single response from a girl on there yet a lot of poor quality ones chasing after me. Also there are hidden costs for little tweaks to the service dotted all over zoosk which I don't think are worth the expense.

 

I'm a casual online dater at the moment, just haven't been bothered enough to really go fishing (yet).

[Tyler212]

Well, I'm using online dating only for a few month. Sure it is not like in real, but when it's not enough free time, it good solution I think! I try few sites, they almost all are paid, from the last new I admitted best couple site, it's not expensive,I'll see how it'll going on here.

[Tyler212]

Well, I'm using online dating only for a few month. Sure it is not like in real, but when it's not enough free time, it good solution I think! I try few sites, they almost all are paid, from the last new I admitted best couple site, it's not expensive,I'll see how it'll going on here.

[normal person]

 

Anyways, to my real question. I'm not much a believer in the "friendzone." To me, a girl either wants you or doesn't. So does not kissing her really matter? She's on an paid online dating site to date, right? Let's say we meet again. I can't imagine that she's here to make friends.

 

Every circumstance is different and there are a lot of shades of grey, I think. Not kissing her might give her the impression that you're not interested. Odds are she'll read into your inaction as much as your action. In my opinion, if you go out a few times, you should probably kiss her or stop going out -- don't sit on the fence.

 

My other question is... how many people date multiple people when on a dating website? That's always been a bit of a concern for me. I've done it before. I've met different girls in the same week and then went on second dates. No sex of course. But it's quite the paranoia for me in general. Do I speed things up? Did I make a mistake by not kissing her?

 

Multi-dating is often par for the course (although it probably varies depending on where you live). I don't think you owe anyone anything (like exclusivity) until you have a talk about it. The odds are she's talking to other guys too.

 

I'm not really afraid of her not being interested in me, because I think she is and perhaps even more than I'm interested in her. But I'm new to Match.com and would like to hear other people's experiences. Thanks..

 

My experience has been pretty similar, I've met ~15 or so girls there this year. I find I like people with the same frequency that I would in real life, that is to say, not many. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt because I've learned that often times they're different than how you imagine them to be based on their profile. Sometimes worse, sometimes surprisingly better. Most of the time there's just a mutual understanding that you're not right for each other. You can just learn from the experience and move onto the next one.

 

Meanwhile, another girl I've met on Match.com has never met anyone else which I find just crazy. I feel like guys just blow up girls message boxes on these sites.

 

I thought this was the case too, but when I dug a little deeper with the girls that I met, I found out that while they do get a ton of messages, a lot of them are just throwaways from guys that don't meet their criteria. A common complaint is that all the guys sending the messages are too much older. So if you've got what she wants, she's going to notice. It seems to have been working for you so far so I wouldn't worry about it. A lot of girls I've met have only met 0-3 people.

[FitChick]

Another observation ... the women on Match.com seem to be far more attractive in general than POF or OKCupid. Not quite sure why.

Water seeks its own level. That has been my experience with the paid sites as well.

 

I would also add, again, if you are new to OLD, see which company owns the site, google them and see which other dating sites they own. It's all the same vast database, so join the one that is cheapest. You will be able to contact everyone on every site but through the site you join. They can do the same. I always ask someone which site they have joined in case I missed one that is cheaper than the one I am on.

Edited April 25, 2014 by FitChick