Toodamnpragmatic Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 (edited) Thanks to everyone who posted. It's good to hear what people think in general, even when I don't completely agree with it or think they didn't get the point. People tend to jump based on what you post and the things you say. I think you are over-analyzing everything, but without a doubt there are signs going forward. He's a great guy I'm sure, and told you he does want children and you are in your 40's and frankly haven't told us whether you want them. Interesting that as a woman in her 40's isn't that something you should know? Heck if I was 40 (51 now) and dating a childless 42 year old that is something that would be an important discussion point pretty early. It is a sad reality that he has more time to make that decision then you. Also everything comes down to timing. How long does he want to be with someone prior to having kids. Face it he may want children (and can wait) at 45 and to be with someone for 3 years, then you'll be 50. Again that is not too too old, but is the type of things to ponder today. What is more telling is that this is about you and dating in the 40's as a childless female. Not an indictment or questioning your choices, just a fact as to what you face dating. Anyways only 3 months in so enjoy the ride, but be aware of the challenges and questions going forward. Edited April 23, 2014 by Toodamnpragmatic
Gaeta Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 I knew people would get hung up on the few weird words he said mainly while we were drunk but I didn't want to talk about the wonderful things he did and does for me constantly. So thank you xxoo for, as always, not focusing on the wrong things and having the clarity to understand where my post is coming from. I focused on a few weird things I read between the lines and not so between the lines (as I said in my post). These things were like 0.1% of the relationship but obviously caught my attention and have bothered me since last weekend despite all the wonderful things he's done so far... that I did not point out. Yes the "old eggs" were the most hurtful thing he has ever said, but he also keeps saying I'm the first person he meets he can discuss things openly with, so why not express his real feelings even though it's on the hurtful side? Aren't we supposed to share even the horrible things we feel and fears we have with someone we care about? Besides, I know not many people believe in personality types, but he's an INTJ and they're not known for being specially diplomatic or to understand when they say things that are hurtful to other people. Besides, he was drunk. He's brilliant in his rational side but I can tell that when it comes to deep feelings, evolution feeling-wise is not his forte, it's so disparate it's shocking. Still, I like him. I have NOT been a fool, whomever said it. The talk happened this weekend, and I obviously have to think about it a little further now, and have a talk when we're both sober and not exhausted. That's how dating works... You have to meet someone and see how things unfold. I don't feel like pointing out all the things he's done for me. Yes someone said it feels like being bf and gf, and it does. He's **** scared of liking someone who is not what he had in mind. Being a rational, it makes sense he would not feel comfortable about it. Specially being super successful and having a salary that makes him part of the 1%, he's the kind of guy who could get any girl he wanted. xxoo - I will be sure to listen to him. Thank you again. He has said in the past around a month ago that he wouldn't be opposed to the idea o having a child with me if I got pregnant. It doesn't matter how nice he is and how compatible you are. Bottom line he wants children and by the time your relationship will blossomed enough to do so you will be at an age you don't want to be dealing with bottles and diapers and babysitters and teething and colic. You got the 'dating' definition all wrong. Normal dating: Guy meets a girl. Guy says he wants a baby but not sure he wants it with an older woman. Girl says good luck good buy. Your definition of dating is: Guy meet a girl. Guy says he wants a baby but not sure he wants it with an older woman. Girl stick around in case guy changes his mind. This guy aside. Do YOU want children? and do you want them mid-40s? Are you ready to change your life style at your age? You have any idea what's involved in having a child? And so far, what I have read about this man, once you are not so exciting anymore he will bail. Try to be a single mom of 45 with a baby. 3
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