Told me he liked me...then retreated! What happened?

[chamaolegirl]

So I've been talking to this guy for a while now. Some stuff transpired last week that has me at a loss. It started 3.5 years ago. I live in Canada he lives in the States. Same coast. Before that, I had known him from high school some 20 years earlier. We were more acquaintances in school not part of the same social circles. This new connection started with me commenting on a picture he had posted on Facebook. One thing lead to another and we started chatting on the phone.

 

We immediately had a connection and he often told me how comfortable he was talking to me and how he never felt that anyone else understood him like i did. Not even his ex wife. He even talked about me sharing some music with him back in high school on a school road trip. At the time we started talking he was 6 months divorced and I was 4 years divorced. I knew the time was not right to start anything with him but being an Aries I did enjoy the attention. Plus the divorce really knocked him on his feet.

 

He explained to me that was a loner. Not a big circle of friends. And that there was just a handful of people he shared stuff with. I was included in that group. He is an introvert and likes to spend time by himself. Sometimes he isn't in the mood to talk and I understood that from the beginning. Granted at first it seemed all the time but yes it gradually tapered off. Two months into talking - when I hadn't heard from him in a week or so (he said his texting out limit was up) I texted him saying "when you get your texting back keep in touch" I was trying to sound aloof. He responded with "i guess i just know what you are after" I texted " in what way" " you and I" he texted. I told him that until we saw each other face to face that I didn't know what I wanted. I got a smiley face back.

 

Later that night I get a text message "good night" The significance of that is two days earlier i had fb messaged him saying I really missed his "good nights" He never responded to that message but after asking me what I wanted two nights later he goes and wishes me the "good nights" that I had asked for. Also that same night he mentioned that he would be scared if I was down the street. But never explained why. So this went on for a couple of years. We both had our stuff to deal with so it was nice to hear from him occasionally.

 

The aries in me did text and call more than he did. But for two years he called on the anniversary of our first talking. This last year he didn't. Which gets to my reason for this post. After 1.5 years of not hearing his voice on the phone (there had been the sporadic text message in response to a question I had). He called me two weeks ago. late at night and he had been drinking. I have had the "liquid courage" calls from him before. This time though he told me that he has liked me since high school and that he liked me as much as I liked him.

 

So I asked him why he had ignored me for so long. I had called him, texted, whatever the last 1.5 years. He gave me an analogy that basically said that he gave all he had to his ex wife and it destroyed him. He had told me ages ago that we wished we had met sooner. But during the course of this night finally telling each other how we felt, etc. He even agreed to meet. It was his idea. He admitted to thinking about me the whole. Not enough to text or call but he did think about me. We spent 7 hours on the phone that night. Its like we didnt want to hang up.

 

I was elated I had waited so long to hear what he told me. He even kept saying my name all night long even my full name. We admitted that neither one had been with anyone else the last 3.5 years of this dance. He promised to make more of an effort to talk not every day but maybe once a week. Well three days into this he back pedaled. he texted saying he needed to go away for awhile and think about things. and that he would tell me when his back. and that hopefully i would understand.

 

Well, I really don't understand what happened. He finally admitted he has liked me for so very long. Years!! So why did he retreat?

Edited April 23, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[ThursdayChild]

Sorry you're going through this. It all sounds very complicated. I think it best to move on and leave this one behind- sounds he is not ready to move on from whatever it is he is working through.

[Frank2thepoint]

It is probably clear that you know the guy doesn't know what he wants. It is also clear that the thought of something serious, even just meeting in person, frightens him, so he runs. He makes up a lame excuse, or just a very nonchalant one, to evade the possibility of meeting. In addition, his excuse of not keeping in contact for the past year and half, is a very poor explanation. It's a lazy hook to reel you back in to talking with him, which worked well on you.

 

That being said, there is no easy solution. Well actually there is. You said you are an Aries and had admitted to being the first one to initiate, so you can just do that same with meeting him. Travel down to where he is, meet him, and deal with him face-to-face. If you want. But since he's been back pedalling a lot, being evasive, it's not the best solution.

[chamaolegirl]

Thanks for the input. I will be going to see him this summer. All this drama for so long only on the phone and text messages. Whatever the outcome I still need to see him face to face.