Girls who get caught in a bad romance risk more than just their broken hearts

[shet]

A study here identifying some key issues with the way women are socialised and culturalised, in our culture at least, that winds up affecting them in relationships far worse than men. I've always maintained if I ever had daughters they wouldn't be watching Disney films.

 

Girls who get caught in a bad romance risk more than just their broken hearts

[ja123]

Interesting article. Thanks for posting!

 

 

"The pressure we put on girls to see relationships as cornerstones of their identities is the real culprit."

 

 

"Boys ... don't exhibit the same negative emotions because they don't identify themselves according to their relationships. They identify themselves by their interests – including sports and extracurricular activities. So when their romantic relationships aren't what they envisioned, it doesn't feel like as much like a personal failing."

[shet]

A lot of the editorial in the article about the study is biased and clearly written by a woman with certain attitudes. I'm not saying I agree with her assumptions. The study itself merely indicates women are mentally affected more by relationship failure than men. Why that is is open to debate.

[mickleb]

The study discusses boys and girls, rather than men and women, which I think is important. I think younger women define themselves frequently on the success of their romantic relationships, which is wholly different to the self-image of most young men.

 

I agree with a lot of the article. Not necessarily all the suggestions to change the situation, but the picture painted is fairly accurate, IMO.

 

I feel particularly strongly about the sexual schizophrenia issue mentioned. So few women break through the barrier of what is desired of them, sexually, as opposed to what they desire for themselves. That's very hard to do when society is telling you to keep your legs crossed or risk being dismissed as worthless.

 

I think, however, to some extent, our values are hard-wired. I think women's brains are designed to maintain good relationships and men's are more about work. Doesn't mean we can't manage a mix of both, of course, but I think our priorities are genetically dictated, to a certain degree. We're not destined to simply raise our mate's kids or feed our children with the day's kill, however, anymore. So I do think it's very important that women learn to be more rounded adults. Men too, of course. But there are a hell of a lot of ladies who take forever to grow out of that Disneyland they think exists, if they play their cards right, rather than re-drawing the landscape to what fits them best. Which, after all, is what we encourage guys to do all the time.

 

But many older women do learn this, conversely, just as guys start to truly value their relationships, I think.

[RedRobin]

I agree with this especially:

 

 

"But profound social shifts are even more important than new laws.

 

 

Some of those shifts, of course, will come along with more progressive social policies. But some we just have to take responsibility for ourselves, including adult women modeling healthy female self-identity apart from their relationships, and adult men embracing the importance of their relationships and displaying their capacity for caregiving.

 

 

It also means praising our daughters more often for their talents, abilities and hard work, and not just for their helpfulness, beauty and behavior toward others.

 

It means expecting our sons to be emotionally competent, generous and sensitive to how their actions impact the people around them."

[somedude81]

Who is that article directed at?

 

People who have daughters?

[GoreSP]

A study here identifying some key issues with the way women are socialised and culturalised, in our culture at least, that winds up affecting them in relationships far worse than men. I've always maintained if I ever had daughters they wouldn't be watching Disney films.

 

Girls who get caught in a bad romance risk more than just their broken hearts

 

Of course because it would be too hard to explain to your daughters the difference between an animated film and reality....

[Radu]

Couple of points :

- it references only HS age, and from personal experience ... the only thing protecting guys is because they are generally not as interested at that age; things change in low 20's.

Afterall, guys are way more likely to commit suicide out of this kind of problem.

- this is yet another part of the 'feel-god' pump-up-the-ego-and-it'll-be-all-right that showed up in the 80's, and it is still messing up kids today.

- she pokes a little fun at the mommy bloggers and women who identify as how they are to others, but she fails to notice that she is one of the legion of young girls who hopes to make a name for herself on soft stuff, social issues girl stuff, of which ... well, you know how many nameless drones there are.

[Eggplant]

I'm going to gripe even a step further than this article. I always resented, as a teenager, being judged not just on boyfriends but also on how many girlfriends I had or didn't care to have. Girls were supposed to be enmeshed in a social web, and you'd better be surrounded by a flock of peers, or you were a failure at life. I'd like for it to be more acceptable for girls and women to be solitary if they're introverts.

[Eggplant]

- she pokes a little fun at the mommy bloggers and women who identify as how they are to others, but she fails to notice that she is one of the legion of young girls who hopes to make a name for herself on soft stuff, social issues girl stuff, of which ... well, you know how many nameless drones there are.

I'm not sure what the hypocrisy is you're trying to point out. The issue she points out with the "mommy" bloggers is that women tend to define themselves in all realms and spheres by this role, while a man might not go around being a "daddy" blogger. The fact that she's writing about social issues, or "girly" issues as you put it (?), as the "mommy" bloggers are too -- why is it that she's supposed to notice this?

[shet]

Of course because it would be too hard to explain to your daughters the difference between an animated film and reality....

 

They wouldn't be watching Grease or Dirty Dancing etc either. Animated or not, a metric **** ton of films and other media out there is disgustingly culturally biased toward the exact problems this article mentions. Disney films are just famously, unsubtly so, and are also mentioned in the article. I think you fail to understand the concept of cultural upbringing if you think it's just a matter of "explaining the difference". That's really... not an in depth grasp.

[Els]

I completely agree with the article; granted it cannot be proven that the negative mental health effects of breakups on girls are caused by this, but it doesn't change the fact that the issue exists. There IS a lot more of social pressure on women to be defined by their social relationships (especially romantic ones, and their children) compared to men.

 

Parents can help ameliorate this to a large extent though, IMO.

[mickleb]

I'm posting this link in two thread on LS, as I think it illustrates the points made in both articles:

 

So 'debonair' George has been 'tamed', while 'tragic' Jen was 'saved' ? no surprise there | Hadley Freeman | Comment is free | The Guardian

 

(The other thread is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/mind-body-soul/sexual-reproductive-health-practices/472784-bro-how-your-slut-shaming-back-firing)