Author cpbr Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) I'm afraid we'd start a conversation again, she would be throwing breadcrumbs at me /like when I was trying to be her friend/ and I would break down again and lose even more dignity than I already had. I don't think she doorslammed me yet, but with our last conversation I think I doorslammed her (I told her I love her and I don't want to talk to her ever again) and opening that door again would be pretty weak from me... So I think I'll just cope with it myself somehow. I gave her many chances to reconcile, her time is up, screw that. (Hope I'll keep this attitude for longer than before... ) Edited April 22, 2014 by cpbr
Author cpbr Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 I'm losing trust on my judgement on everything in life. I don't know what to do. It was fine again for a few hours, now I went to rent out one apartment...and I was just hanging by a thread, nauseating, thinking I'll either faint or vomit on everybody. I can not cope with it myself. I thought I could, but I was wrong. Today I'm seeing my friend who have some experience with this and I'm going to get a professional help.
Author cpbr Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) OK. I've met my friend. But now I feel good, she's quite good with people. Maybe everythig is better than it was, without a breakup I wouldn't even met her. And to be honest – my ex went right to the guy she was keeping on a backburner and she sucks for that, I trusted her, she did not trust me. We found out that I probably want her back because I can not have her anymore. That makes sense. If I imagine she told me "I want to get back", now I feel like I would let her go. I would maybe play with her mind as a little revenge, but...she's not even worth it. And we come up with an idea how to really let her go. I don't know if I'll do it, but: I want to write her a letter. Telling her I never told her what was the reason why I needed space – that it was not her, but my family issues I was rather coping with alone. And that I was sad, but I'm glad I didn't tell her in the first place because otherwise I would never knew what kind of a person she really is. See, it still bugs me that I was like that. But she just...this wasn't the love she was telling me it is. And now as I'm writing this, I finally feel peaceful. And I don't really care of what she will do afterwards. She may cry, but she was not crying on the pictures with him, so screw her. I'm still sad, but probably because I thought she was amazing and she in fact was not. This is the only thing that hurts now. Edited April 22, 2014 by cpbr
Author cpbr Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) OK, I have a version of what I'd like to send her, but it's more like a revenge. You know, writing on a postcard that I didn't think she would go to bed with someone 3 days after me being distant and a PS about how she's not a scout, because scouts don't lie and don't smoke weed... ...knowing it will probably be her parents who will read that postcard first... I think I'll think about it... But hell I feel good just typing that. Edited April 22, 2014 by cpbr
SadNLonley Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Ha! Did the same thing last week. Sucks! Lets hope we learn.
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