Fondue Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Just like the title says. Would you? The reason why I ask is because my birthday is coming up this Friday and I was seriously considering just disconnecting from everyone for the day. For the past several years, I have come to acknowledge that I am indeed growing older and there is so much that went by me that I can never have or experience again. While there's a lot more to that statement, I don't really want to elaborate as it probably sin't necessary. In short, I hate growing old. It's more of a time of depression for me then a time of celebration. This birthday will officially put me in the "late 20s" category of people. It hurts just thinking about it. I honestly want to just spend the day with as little reminder of it being my birthday as possible. I just want to be alone. My friends already texting me up asking about plans, and my gf has been asking that question periodically since the start of this month. I have been avoiding it. The thing is, if I decide to just be by myself I don't know how much girlfriend would it. I'm sure she'll say something like, "oh, okay. That's cool." But in fact, I don't know how she honestly would feel about it. Would a typical lady be completely okay? Or would she be slightly hit by that? Does it "damage" the relationship at all? I honestly don't know. To add to that, my friend from so many years back is going to be in the area for HIS birthday this year. He has told me that for over a year now, and I promised that since I live in NYC, I'll show him around town and give him a good time that Saturday. Which would mean that I'm gonna have a bro-night that following evening. So I won't be seeing her then. ANd the following day, she works. What do you guys think? Looking for honest answers .
atlg8r Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 1. Your late 20s is not anywhere close to old. 2. Can't you do some "unbirthday" things while still spending time with your girlfriend? I would probably be a little miffed if my significant other wanted to be alone. But, isn't it possible to do something fun and low-key with your girlfriend, but just tell her you don't really enjoy celebrating birthdays, so she can do something with you without "reminding" you of it? For example, if you wanted to get away to the lake or beach for the day without your cell phone/computer/etc., why couldn't she come along like any other day? By you isolating yourself, you're actually acknowledging it more. Just my .02. 1
Omei Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I think if you have friends and a gf that care for you yes they would wanna be with you. What I think? Stop being a sulk, late 20s really? If I was your bro id say you're being a little emo poohead (we're friends remember?) You're birthday is just a date your still gonna be older if you celebrate it or dont that only thing you will achive is shutting your friends out then they spend the whole day trying to make you feel better ugh how annoying That's how I would think if I was your gf. 1
Standard-Fare Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I think your general attitude sounds sh*tty. Your preference for your bday is just a symbol of that. And yes, your SO would probably be put off by it.
Janesays Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 We all grow old. Grow up and get over it. If I were your girlfriend, I would probably think you were being a drama queen. I agree with another poster, you would actually draw MORE attention to yourself and it would look purposeful. 2
TXGuy Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Most women will get pissed off/hurt if you are not with them for your birthday. Tell her you would like to spend the evening with her, but you do not want it to be birthday themed. You can even put a full embargo on birthday talk, if you like. She will probably ignore it and give you a gift and card anyway, but that might help tone it down. If you are 'alone' on Friday night for your birthday and out with your buddy Sat night, you will catch more flac than its worth.
Anela Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 My family made me happier on my birthday. I would have felt like hell if I was alone. And I just turned 39.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 We all grow old. Grow up and get over it. If I were your girlfriend, I would probably think you were being a drama queen. I agree with another poster, you would actually draw MORE attention to yourself and it would look purposeful. I agree with this. Suggest doing something low-key with your girlfriend, but don't blow her off entirely. That would make her feel pretty bad, I think...especially if you're hanging out with your guys the following night. Not a wise move, OP.
Author Fondue Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 Thanks for the replies thus far . My goal is definitely not my intention to be a drama queen, draw attention to myself, or garner any sympathy / whatever people have suggested. I just want to not have it be recognized. I don't want a gift or someone to say, "happy b'day!" I would prefer to avoid that. So is there a way I do all that but not seem like a tool, like many of you are suggesting?
atlg8r Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Thanks for the replies thus far . My goal is definitely not my intention to be a drama queen, draw attention to myself, or garner any sympathy / whatever people have suggested. I just want to not have it be recognized. I don't want a gift or someone to say, "happy b'day!" I would prefer to avoid that. So is there a way I do all that but not seem like a tool, like many of you are suggesting? I don't think so. People tell you happy birthday or give you a gift because they care about you. Stop being such a baby.
mammasita Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I would be extremely hurt if my SO did this. Late 20's is far from being "old". Why don't you declare the next day or the entire weekend after your birthday your "anti-social" days, let your birthday be about your friends and SO celebrating with you.
GravityMan Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Keeping the communication lines open is extremely important for the well-being of a relationship. Many people want some space every now and then and that is fine. But wanting to be alone, to isolate yourself from your SO on a special day such as your b-day is likely going to be a red flag in her eyes. Selfishness and relationships do not mix well...you have others' feelings to consider. Just because it's "just another day" or a "day of depression" in your eyes doesn't mean that your girlfriend, your friends and your family share your mindset. Would you want your GF to tell you she wanted to be alone on her birthday? Birthdays are generally considered to be happy and social occasions of some sort. If you're not a big fan of pomp and circumstance when it comes to your birthday, that's fine...tons of people feel similarly. Just have a low-key celebration like others suggested. There's plenty of middle ground between extravagance and total isolation. 1
Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I was going to respond as I was relating to the time I hit my 40th birthday and felt sad but now feeling that these are really the best years of my life -- then OP said she would be hitting her late twenties. I then didn't know what to say. Hope others have some words of encouragement for you.
Cakess Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I've been thinking about this situation myself, and have suggested in the beginning of the year that we spend birthdays separately. However, we are still in open talks about it and he is less open to it than I am. But, talking is key. And if this is how you really feel then I don't see a problem explaining yourself. You aren't a drama queen for that. 2
MissBee Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 You can either die young or grow old...those are the ONLY options. I get not wanting to get older but it's a blessing to live to be old versus the opposite, dying young and not fully living out your life. That's the perspective I choose to take and I choose to celebrate each new year as a gift that some people never get. In any event, yes I'd feel a bit offended if my bf didn't want to spend time with me on or around his birthday. I would also be put off if he has such an abysmal view of birthdays. Life is for living and we're already alive so why worry about being old until you're too old to do anything anyway. I'd rather celebrate my guy's birthday with him than have him sulking about it and disconnecting himself to mourn it. THAT aspect it self would turn me off more than anything else. 1
BikerAccnt Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 YES. I lived with a woman for 6 years who wouldn't let me acknowledge her birthday. She hated the fact that she was getting older (and she's much older than you). Now, I suppose the fact that I wanted to celebrate it with her was more about me than her, I get that. Still, it bothered me, I liked that we were getting old together. However, it was one of the many nails put in that coffin over the years... 2
Chocolat Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I honestly want to just spend the day with as little reminder of it being my birthday as possible. I just want to be alone. ... To add to that, my friend from so many years back is going to be in the area for HIS birthday this year. He has told me that for over a year now, and I promised that since I live in NYC, I'll show him around town and give him a good time that Saturday. Which would mean that I'm gonna have a bro-night that following evening. So I won't be seeing her then. ANd the following day, she works. So... 1. You want to be alone on your BD 2. You want to make a night on the town of it for your friend's BD 3. You want your gf to think this is perfectly normal and no reflection on her or you R :rolleyes:
Omei Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Thanks for the replies thus far . My goal is definitely not my intention to be a drama queen, draw attention to myself, or garner any sympathy / whatever people have suggested. I just want to not have it be recognized. I don't want a gift or someone to say, "happy b'day!" I would prefer to avoid that. So is there a way I do all that but not seem like a tool, like many of you are suggesting? This is just silly not having other people recognize it isn't going to make it go away. I have a hard time believing that if they told you happy birthday or got you a gift it would hurt you in some form You're just picking to wallow People that are older will be annoyed people that care about you will be worried you will be making a big unnecessary fuss. I understand maybe having a low key nothing fancy party people do that but wanting to request people do not get gifts or say happy birthday (even tho if they didnt it would STILL be your birthday) is being like a drama queen. 1
ja123 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I've done Christmas alone on purpose, as I wanted to do something different. I can understand wanting to be alone on your b-day - but the fact that you're going to do a bro-night out the day after is not going to wash with your SO. P.S. like everyone else said: late twenties isn't old. 1
contact1 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Late 20s being old Are you old enough to rent a car yet? As others have said, your gf will not like it.
cactusgal Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt until I saw that you're still in your twenties. Sorry, OP, but you're a child. An embryo, in the big scheme of things. I hope you'll be able to look back on this someday and laugh (liked I kinda am). Sorry I can't be more sympathetic!! 1
Anela Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I would take the day before, if you wanted to do this. I felt happy, but weird, heading into my thirtieth, and the week before, I spent a few sunny afternoons watching and listening to things from my childhood. Just a walk down memory lane. I didn't see the birthday as bad, though: it was good.
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