My Ex break up with me, im in pieces!

[photolic]

I had a 4 years relationship with my girlfriend I 'm 28 years old and she 24.

 

We were madly in love during a year and super affectionate, friends, pranksters and accomplices during the remaining.

 

Were seen by all as the wonder couple because our complicity and how we touched and we gave affection to each other, the way we played achieved enjoying with our own relationship.

 

Two weeks ago I sent a sms after a cold conversation she had with me, we never had a single discussion in 4 years.

 

I told her for the first time I had felt that he could lose witch other. To which she replied, "that broke my heart to hear that from you, these are phases that all couples go, we 'll get through this, and we will get stronger."

 

After two days of receiving this sms she broke up with me saying she needed a break, both cried that day and even while we were talking , we were kissing and hugging, to support one another . She told me that she felt suffocated by me, got stressed with college exams and did not like living with his father, was feeling bad.

And told me she no longer felt about me the same as it was in the beginning and the fact that I was unemployed one year and a half , not helped because she saw me as a person aimlessly , and told me that she tried to cheer me up and help me to start working and moving , and only saw me through without motivation. ( I myself was not a good phase) , I was jealous of her university and her friends , I think I have done that because I felt alone and I was depending on her to be happy.

 

I took a week without sending any message to her phone, do not exchange any contact. This last week we do not speak, I arranged to meet her at her house to clear things up.

 

She told me that she I was fine alone, and had little time to think, was down to the beach to walk alone and realize that for a long time she did not feel so good, she like the sensation to be free again, seems lighter. Hear what she had to tell me without crying and I had a good posture , I told her that I realized my mistakes and had probably lost the woman of my life for my stupidity. She cried and still had to be me to give her a lap and hugs to console her.

I told her that the break up was good to me also, because I wake up to life and get me moving and treat myself. (Actually was pretending to be strong but was dying inside).

 

It was strange to her, she was disturbed to see me talking like that, another weird thing is that she heard from me that some of my friends (girls) already knew that we broke up, and seemed to have been jealous somehow.

During our conversation i received 2 text messages on my cell phone and she replied something like this "look your friends trying to call you already". (that somehow got me some hope to have my ex back).

 

In the end we both decided that because our relationship was so strong and we never had mistreated or betrayed one another could not be like best friends and see each other all the time because that would not work.

When I leave that day after the conversation ends, we hug wich other very tight and she gave me a kiss in the neck.

 

I thought I was relieved at this end, but in reality spent last eight days after we talked without thinking about her, I think all the time how to get my ex back and this is killing me. I am suffering, all my friends tell me to stop thinking about her, because it was she who ended it, she never called me again, removed the photos witch had with me on facebook and seems to have done everything to forget about me. I think she should be happy and I 've been crying the corners all the time, worst she is posting photos (just 2 new photos to be honest) but in that pictures I see that she is moving on, she is smiling and with good mode. Looking at that just broke my heart.

 

Just passed 17 days and she send me a text message wishing me and my family a good easter, and in the same day text me to congratulate me for my football team win in the championship.

 

I check her facebook today and her ex boyfriend started to like her new photos, and i know that he is going to be next week in the same party was my ex, 4 day party.

 

Im don't know what 2 do, im pretending to be strong and using no contact rule, but i fell i can miss her.

 

Sorry for my english is not my native language.

[Trovador]

You are not in NC, you saw her FB page today... why do you take pleasure in seeing your ex moving on? It's like seeing an executioner coming to kill you slowly and cruelly!

 

Stop all the espionage, implement "no prisoners NC" and forget about the past, she is not coming back so you might well start today a new life, without her... will it be painful? Of course, but less painful than staying around and seeing how happy she is with her new bf...

 

It sux, that's why you are going away from her...

[photolic]

Don't you think after a 4 years relation with her, i have some good odds to have her back?

 

Well im doing the NC for the past 3 weeks, the facebook is really hard to deal with, because its so easy to check. And the problem with facebook is, every guy that does "like" in a photo makes me wonder and creating scenarios like the one i created with her and is ex. Its a brain storm!

 

I know its stupid but the 2 text msg she send me was like "im thinking about you somehow".

 

Im going to the gym and moving on trying to get a new job, but this 3 weeks i realize i miss her so much. I just want to increase my % to have her back, since im losing my hope right now.

Edited April 22, 2014 by photolic

[hurts2death]

there is very good chance if you end everything iside you. that is nc for you. vanish for you. then she will come like a little dog to beg you but at the time you will be over. anyway nc for any reason.

[martaldn]

 

I know its stupid but the 2 text msg she send me was like "im thinking about you somehow".

 

 

yes, she was thinking about you and this is why she sent you the text messages but this doesnt mean she wants to go back with you.

checking her facebook just slow down the healing process and you need to push yourself not to do that. its for your own good.

i know its hard and painful but you have to do it. it will get better with the time though

[Chi townD]

Don't you think after a 4 years relation with her, i have some good odds to have her back?

 

Well im doing the NC for the past 3 weeks, the facebook is really hard to deal with, because its so easy to check. And the problem with facebook is, every guy that does "like" in a photo makes me wonder and creating scenarios like the one i created with her and is ex. Its a brain storm!

 

I know its stupid but the 2 text msg she send me was like "im thinking about you somehow".

 

Im going to the gym and moving on trying to get a new job, but this 3 weeks i realize i miss her so much. I just want to increase my % to have her back, since im losing my hope right now.

 

 

 

 

You want her back. Okay...but, she doesn't want you back. So, there's nothing to try and "win".

 

 

You need to let her go. You need to block her on Facebook and move on. Keep making positive changes in your life.

[photolic]

You want her back. Okay...but, she doesn't want you back. So, there's nothing to try and "win".

 

The truth hurts some times, but i keep wondering why the hell she cried like a baby when i leave her last time when she broke up with me. Why would she care if other girls know that we already break up, why she contact my parents in the holiday, why the **** she told me "maybe im gona regret this"!!

 

Dunno, but i have a goal right now, moving forward with my life, working on me and after 3 months or 6 maybe i will invite her for a polite talk.

 

I don't want to lose all hope for now, since i can move with my life at same time. I know that right now its bad to get her back, she need the time to be free and look if the other grass is greener. I could find a better grass in the process of waiting who knows

 

But really want to try to get her back sometime in my life, we traveled around Europe by train and hitchhiking, such a good memories don't fade away, we bought things for our house (thinking about future).

 

I just want to keep a little faith!

 

Thanks for the support so far

[lolablue17]

i keep wondering why the hell she cried like a baby when i leave her last time when she broke up with me. Why would she care if other girls know that we already break up, why she contact my parents in the holiday, why the **** she told me "maybe im gona regret this"!

 

She still loves you and still attached to you by all means. Her decision is tough and hard for her too. I'm sure she has weak moments and even some moments which she have to hold herself not to ask you back.

 

But she made up her mind and you should respect that. belive me, You dont want her back now because if she does ask you back, it wont be for the right reason, only because of temporary weakness, and eventually she will break up with you again.

 

 

Now this facebook thing. My wife and I deactivated FB 6 month ago. The reason is unimportant (a bet) But magically since then my life became so much better. I used to visit FB every 1-2 hours to check what's new. Now i'm free. no poisoning statuses. I've noticed that people fake their life trough FB.

They always smile, always have great vacations, always have a great relationship, ect...

 

If you choose not to deactivate FB, cut her completely. Stay full NC.

[Chi townD]

The truth hurts some times, but i keep wondering why the hell she cried like a baby when i leave her last time when she broke up with me. Why would she care if other girls know that we already break up, why she contact my parents in the holiday, why the **** she told me "maybe im gona regret this"!!

 

 

 

 

 

You'll drive yourself crazy thinking about all of that. You can continue this train of thought as if she could cry like a baby, contact your folks over the holidays and tell you that she might regret this, then why is she still willing to let you go?

 

 

You can look at this about a thousand different ways and STILL left with no concrete answers.

[hoping2heal]

The truth hurts some times, but i keep wondering why the hell she cried like a baby when i leave her last time when she broke up with me. Why would she care if other girls know that we already break up, why she contact my parents in the holiday, why the **** she told me "maybe im gona regret this"!!

 

Dunno, but i have a goal right now, moving forward with my life, working on me and after 3 months or 6 maybe i will invite her for a polite talk.

 

I don't want to lose all hope for now, since i can move with my life at same time. I know that right now its bad to get her back, she need the time to be free and look if the other grass is greener. I could find a better grass in the process of waiting who knows

 

But really want to try to get her back sometime in my life, we traveled around Europe by train and hitchhiking, such a good memories don't fade away, we bought things for our house (thinking about future).

 

I just want to keep a little faith!

 

Thanks for the support so far

 

Just because she doesn't want to date you, doesn't mean she doesn't care at all. I imagine she cried because she felt guilty, it couldn't be an easy thing to hurt you especially after all you have shared.

 

But, if she couldn't stand to be without you then she wouldn't be. She cried like hell..but she is still somehow okay with not being back together. Which means her tears were not about the deep loss of you but the guilt, the pain of having to hurt someone, and the overwhelming emotion of the situation.

[photolic]

Just because she doesn't want to date you, doesn't mean she doesn't care at all. I imagine she cried because she felt guilty, it couldn't be an easy thing to hurt you especially after all you have shared.

 

But, if she couldn't stand to be without you then she wouldn't be. She cried like hell..but she is still somehow okay with not being back together. Which means her tears were not about the deep loss of you but the guilt, the pain of having to hurt someone, and the overwhelming emotion of the situation.

 

You have a point there, and maybe you are right (i know you are). Im just a love fool who doesn't want to lose the little light of hope in the end of the tunnel. Some people say fight for what you want, if you don't get it, at least you are not going to regret that you didn't try.

 

I'm better and better which day, my point is to don't close the door. by the way seems silly but a particular movie made me feel way better (500 days of summer) i recommend that for all the dumpes around here!

Edited April 22, 2014 by photolic

[Brutus]

I am sorry you are going through this, I know how much it hurts. I have been there about one month ago, so it is still fresh. My story is amazingly similar, so I know you are trapped between not understanding why she left and at the same time hoping to have her back. I am slowly moving away from it (although some hopes still remain) and it is probably the most difficoult thing to do, namely to ACCEPT it is over.

It is horrible, one of the most painful experiences in human existence, but you need to accept the fact that she left you. This is a first step and it cannot be taught or explained how to get there. You have to do it yourself, with time and NC. When you will feel like you accepted the loss you will know you are moving in the right direction.

 

You have to stop thinking how to get her back: there is nothing at the moment you can do to change her feelings. She likes to be free, and any initiative from your side will just annoy her and make her feel sad. Hoping2heal is right, she was crying (my ex was too) not because she is sad about losing you but because she felt guilty. Your presence is a source of pain for her, and it won't help you. I know it is hard to kill hopes, i know having her back is everything you want, but you can't. Once again: acceptance.

 

Also, stop over-analyzing the reasons she gave you. Most likely they are excuse she created in her mind (and she may well believe them) to rationalize an irrational feeling. She may not even know why, the fact is that this is how she feels. Explanations can be misleading, so do not give too much importance to them. The only thing that matters is that she does not want to be with you anymore. Reasons do not matter anymore.

 

Stop checking what she does on FB. After my ex posted photos of her having fun and being happy, and after (like you) i saw she was already going to parties with "the other guy" I removed her from FB (I explained her why). This is crucial for you to implement NC and therefore to heal. It is hard and it feels wrong, because deep down you feel like keeping a line of "virtual" contact will help you get her back, but trust me, it will keep hurting you. You do not need to see how happy she may be without you, or even worse, with someone else. Spare yourself this pain, you are suffering enough.

 

NC is a difficoult journey. There will be ups and downs, sometimes you will feel the unbareable need to talk to her, know what she is doing, what she feels, and you will be tempted to break it. Try as hard as you can to stick to it, and it will make you stronger and will help you to feel better. Like me, you reached a point where you became emotionally dependent on her. Your happiness depended on her. Think about it as a disintoxication from a drug addiction. You need to learn to live without her. She already did, now it is your turn. It will take time and effort, but it is the only thing you can do now. Be strong and let us know. We are all on the same boat.

Edited April 22, 2014 by Brutus

[Brutus]

by the way seems silly but a particular movie made me feel way better (500 days of summer) i recommend that for all the dumpes around here!

 

Seen it just after the break up, twice in a week. Funny thing, she did too.

We are all Tom Hansen. At least that's how I feel too

[photolic]

I am sorry you are going through this, I know how much it hurts. I have been there about one month ago, so it is still fresh. amazingly similar, so I know you are trapped between not understanding why she left and at the same time hoping to have her back.

 

Hey Brutus i read you story its very similar the mainly the reasons for break up!

 

First of all thank you for your support, second my relationship was a bit different we live 5 minutes by car of each other, she study next to my house and we were together all the free time we have for the last 4 years. We made plans together, talked about kids (even the names of the kids lol look insane right now), where we should buy a house in the future, etc etc, she was very clear about her goals in life her profession etc, i was a shadow of her the last year, with no goals! i think that was the biggest break up factor.

 

Still i don't know why people here tend to exclude the hope of getting someone back, is that so bad? there are no success cases around? just wondering.

Edited April 23, 2014 by photolic

[Brutus]

Still i don't know why people here tend to exclude the hope of getting someone back, is that so bad? there are no success cases around? just wondering.

It is not that everybody excludes it. There are success stories but they are rare. The reason why people here tell you to get over it is that living with a hope which may never become true is just keeping you from feeling better. It is not fair to yourself. Independently of whether she will be back or not, you have to try to move on and feel better with yourself.

 

You can’t change her feelings, what you can change is your situation. Think about it: you are now in a ditch, she has moved on. You are in a lose-lose situation, she is in a win-lose one. Now imagine what happens if you heal: if she comes back it means you will have been lucky (maybe), if she doesn’t it will not hurt (that much) because you will have already moved on. Your situation will then have changed from lose-lose to win-win.

 

No one here will tell you to stick to hopes (which does not mean stop hoping but not to depend on them), because this will keep you at the point where you are now: unhappy and dependent on someone else to be happy. And this is the worst thing you could do to yourself.

[photolic]

It is not that everybody excludes it. There are success stories but they are rare. The reason why people here tell you to get over it is that living with a hope which may never become true is just keeping you from feeling better. It is not fair to yourself. Independently of whether she will be back or not, you have to try to move on and feel better with yourself.

 

You can’t change her feelings, what you can change is your situation. Think about it: you are now in a ditch, she has moved on. You are in a lose-lose situation, she is in a win-lose one. Now imagine what happens if you heal: if she comes back it means you will have been lucky (maybe), if she doesn’t it will not hurt (that much) because you will have already moved on. Your situation will then have changed from lose-lose to win-win.

 

No one here will tell you to stick to hopes (which does not mean stop hoping but not to depend on them), because this will keep you at the point where you are now: unhappy and dependent on someone else to be happy. And this is the worst thing you could do to yourself.

 

You are so right Brutus, and you know what? NC rule is working fine for me, everyday im stronger, doing things I would never done if she doest break up with me!

 

Like i started to give photography lessons (was a volunteer) to kids with cancer in the hospital, and when you look at them THEY HAVE REAL PROBLEMS, not me.

 

If she think im not worth for her, who cares better girls are coming for sure, im not a super model far from that, and maybe because of it i have lack of self esteem, and I was like "i will never find a girl like her with that body and spirit to date with me", but now i really don't care. Is like you said Brutus im on a lose-lose situation, i can't lose more. Everything from here is a win. The hope never die if you have a 4 year relationship but at this point hope=not moving forward.

 

Edited April 23, 2014 by photolic

[Brutus]

You are so right Brutus, and you know what? NC rule is working fine for me, everyday im stronger, doing things I would never done if she doest break up with me!

 

Like i started to give photography lessons (was a volunteer) to kids with cancer in the hospital, and when you look at them THEY HAVE REAL PROBLEMS, not me.

 

If she think im not worth for her, who cares better girls are coming for sure, im not a super model far from that, and maybe because of it i have lack of self esteem, and I was like "i will never find a girl like her with that body and spirit to date with me", but now i really don't care. Is like you said Brutus im on a lose-lose situation, i can't lose more. Everything from here is a win. The hope never die if you have a 4 year relationship but at this point hope=not moving forward.

 

 

Now THAT's the right attitude!