clia Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 I think his mate ( who turned up at the last date) probably had a say. Its been 5 days. I have no idea whether he took his kids on holiday or not as he indicated. A normal person would say. When I initiated he did not respond. I asked how he was 3 times - no reply. Previously someone here said call him To account for disappearing now you are indicating i should forget about the week absence... He should be chasing me and never has, i just had a few calls and meetings ... How many different ways do we have to tell you that he isn't interested in you? If you've reached out to him 3 times and gotten no response, that should clue you in. If he isn't asking you out on dates, that should clue you in. If he isn't pursuing you, that should clue you in. Stop chasing him and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 30, 2014 Share Posted May 30, 2014 When I initiated he did not respond. I asked how he was 3 times - no reply. Done deal. Shut this down and don't engage even if he communicates with you in a few days. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 How many different ways do we have to tell you that he isn't interested in you? If you've reached out to him 3 times and gotten no response, that should clue you in. If he isn't asking you out on dates, that should clue you in. If he isn't pursuing you, that should clue you in. Stop chasing him and move on. I get it totally. I am responding to the post above indicating i should initiate. I did and got no responses. Still wounded but set up 3 dates. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 30, 2014 Author Share Posted May 30, 2014 Done deal. Shut this down and don't engage even if he communicates with you in a few days. Its shut. Thank you all. I will leave baggage at home and try and be more openminded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 He is back. Been in contact over the last few months. Invited me out a few times last minute so i declined. I invited him to a gathering, he was working. Finally we met (1) caught up on general stuff. He jokingly asked if i was getting married & we got onto a conversation regarding a date i disregarded. He then said he was happy with his life so far and anything else is a bonus. This was disappointing as it indicated he does not want s relationship. Why invite me out? Also said he only knew a few females. After this, he said we should meet next week. I did not initiate to meet again he did & seemed hurt that i did not call. Said i was waiting for your call? Then got a drunken sms late at night saying i have had to much to drink, thinking about you all night, i miss you. Met again (2) no mention of text. His friends there. Met again (3) both of us. Talking. So in 5 days met 3 times. Is this friendzone??? Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Have you considered the fact he might be quite good at sensing crazy as he is 45? He might like you but he would run a mile if he read this thread. Maybe he gets a sense that you aren't quite normal? I know I can tell when someone is a little odd... No offence btw. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 Offence taken! Im trying to Understand why he is contacting me to meet thats all? If he sensed crazy why meet me 3 times in 5 days? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 He is back. Been in contact over the last few months. Invited me out a few times last minute so i declined. I invited him to a gathering, he was working. Finally we met (1) caught up on general stuff. He jokingly asked if i was getting married & we got onto a conversation regarding a date i disregarded. He then said he was happy with his life so far and anything else is a bonus. This was disappointing as it indicated he does not want s relationship. Why invite me out? Also said he only knew a few females. After this, he said we should meet next week. I did not initiate to meet again he did & seemed hurt that i did not call. Said i was waiting for your call? Then got a drunken sms late at night saying i have had to much to drink, thinking about you all night, i miss you. Met again (2) no mention of text. His friends there. Met again (3) both of us. Talking. So in 5 days met 3 times. Is this friendzone??? What do you mean you "met" with him? Was it a date? Where did you go? Did he pay for you? Has he tried to kiss you or do anything physical? Getting together with him three times in five days sounds excessive for a guy who basically poofed on you. My guess is there was someone else he was interested in, and now things have gone by the wayside with her, so he has wandered back over to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 We went to a bar & had food. No moves were made. Over the 3 months when we did not meet he was working very hard as his fb shows, his work Is seasonal. He has called me during those months and asked me to meet a few times i have said no as his mates are always there. What did the drunken text mean? Because he has disappeared once (not arranged to meet on a one to one basis) i cannot trust him. How do i proceed? Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Offence taken! Im trying to Understand why he is contacting me to meet thats all? If he sensed crazy why meet me 3 times in 5 days? If you are attractive he might be undecided about whether the crazy outweighs the hotness. Sorry, I cant help but being honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Coe Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 And just so you know I like a little crazy/quirky. Just not this particular kind. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 The drunk text meant he was drunk texting. Ignore it. If he's not asking you out on dates -- i.e. without his mates -- he's not interested in dating you. How to proceed is up to you. This guy seems unreliable and only lukewarm about you. Feels like a waste of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 Yes / but he has not made a move in 7 dates. Its unusual. Should i ask for clarity on the text? Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Yes / but he has not made a move in 7 dates. Its unusual. It is unusual. It could mean that he just moves slow -- really slow -- some guys do. Or it could mean that he is not interested in you romantically. I do not think it's a positive sign that he keeps inviting you out with his friends as opposed to wanting to spend time alone with you. Should i ask for clarity on the text? NO. Drop it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 I have met his friends once in the last 3 meets. In a way it helps as he is comfortable with me. 2 out of 3 meetings alone. Im pretty confused. Drink text indicates something but when sober he is just a nice normal ambitious guy. He is opening out about stuff. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 Yes / but he has not made a move in 7 dates. Its unusual. Should i ask for clarity on the text? I don't even know why you revisited this man. I have to wonder if the only reason he returned is because he was dating someone else and it didn't work out and now he has appeared. I don't believe he is interested in the way you want. Please DO NOT ask for clarity on the text. It was a drunken text. If anything have standards and expect for a man to express himself to you appropriately. There is no need to ask him what he meant. If it was important to him, he'd reinforce his feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 19, 2014 Author Share Posted November 19, 2014 He chased me to meet Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 19, 2014 Share Posted November 19, 2014 He chased me to meet What does that mean? His lukewarm approach to you then isn't any different now. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 If you are attractive he might be undecided about whether the crazy outweighs the hotness. Sorry, I cant help but being honest. Yeah, you have to consider the likelihood of this. He's cultivating his prospects - seeing who is still available, who will take his call, and taking your temperature, to see whether you might be "available" for whatever. Testing the waters - playing with fire. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 20, 2014 Author Share Posted November 20, 2014 I think he can get a woman without any trouble so why pursue me at all? Given he has not tried anything in a total of 7 dates (5 alone) and his absences and him saying he has got what he wanted out of life i think he is confused. Probably scared or intimidated by me and cannot make a move. Weird as he is confident in life/business. No serious offers have been made, we are hanging out together and he wants to spend new years eve together ... Link to post Share on other sites
RebelWithoutACause Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Sounds like he doesn't have the time, energy or interest to date anybody but still appreciates some female company from time to time. This is where you fit in. I don't think his behavior is confusing, he is very clear - no romantic plans for the two you, no promises of a future together, no consistency in communication. That doesn't mean he doesn't like you in some form, but i doubt things between you will ever progress past the current platonic stage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 20, 2014 Author Share Posted November 20, 2014 He did mention i could stay at his place next time but again i dont think it was pervy. Does he lack the balls to make a move? I am attractive and this intimadates. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 I think he can get a woman without any trouble so why pursue me at all? The thing is, he is not pursuing you. If he was that interested, he would have progressed with you when you first met him. Instead, he was hot and cold. You have to understand that just because a guy shows up, it doesn't necessarily mean he's there for the right reasons. It seems that you were on the backburner, and now that he has nothing else going for him, he has revisited you again. Plan B. Given he has not tried anything in a total of 7 dates (5 alone) and his absences and him saying he has got what he wanted out of life i think he is confused. He's not confused. He's just not that interested, in the way you hope for him to be but interested just enough to hang out with you and I hope I am wrong -- hanging around you hoping that at some point you give up the goods. Probably scared or intimidated by me and cannot make a move. I think you believe this because of the drunken text. He's too afraid to make a move but he is bold enough to ask you to STAY at his place -- and you both haven't even kissed yet. Yes, he's very scared and intimidated. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted November 20, 2014 Author Share Posted November 20, 2014 Was that sarcasm about him being scared? So the explanation is that he is bored and although he has a lot of mates he is bored enough to hang around me for 3 days ? You may be right. Link to post Share on other sites
RebelWithoutACause Posted November 20, 2014 Share Posted November 20, 2014 Does he lack the balls to make a move? More likely he lacks the interest. I am attractive and this intimadates. What in his behavior do you perceive as being intimidated by you? Link to post Share on other sites
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