Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Share Posted May 11, 2014 I'm not sure why you seem mad at the people who are trying to help you. We're not the ones doing these things to you. We're trying to give you honest and helpful advice, which you asked for. You told me my advice was helpful - not.... but as the above said, we are only trying to help.... spending our own time doing so.. If you are 'with' this guy and can't talk to him about a simple question that is doing your head in..... without worrying if he is going to leave you.... ask yourself, seriously, what is really going on?? I did apologize And took advice from someone here regarding asking him straight out. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 12, 2014 Share Posted May 12, 2014 So he kind if contacted me with a text kiss. I then asked when would we meet? Straight out. He said weekday evenings are better ( weekends are spent working due to the industry he is in). I then said "if you still want to see me, weds is good". He said yessssssss, i do. Its going good. So i am trying to pin down a day, i'm driving it ... Not my usual style but if it gets me there? Also Given how busy he is would he make time if he wasnt interested? Do i now chase again before weds? You agreed on Wednesday -- anything beyond that? (time, location, etc.?) Did you have any conversation beyond that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 Ok we met on thursday. He came in a suit had stayed overnight in a hotel after a meeting. He was tired and instead of going home he met me. We had dinner and caught up. I feel this was a good effort because this was the first slot he had and he looked tired. We spoke about his itinary and it all sounded very busy and true. He also mentioned what he had done over the weekend up Until his trip and it was all work stuff. Then his friend (and 2 frienda) turn up, say hi and sit away from us. This is his best friend who was probably checking up On him. We leave. He next calls in saturday, general stuff. Then a good morning sms on monday. I sent a good morning tues. Nothing all day today. I was hoping to see him tomorrow but want him to ask me. Weekends are out due to his work. Am i being unreasonable? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 I think you should start asking him out and stop waiting for him to do it. You have to reciprocate, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 I think you should start asking him out and stop waiting for him to do it. You have to reciprocate, OP. Thanks. Isnt it for the man to intiate? How do i know if he is interested if im asking him out? Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Isnt it for the man to intiate? How do i know if he is interested if im asking him out? That's archaic. The man is making attempts to see you. That's a sign of interest. And if you make an attempt to ask him out, that's a sign of interest to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 That's archaic. The man is making attempts to see you. That's a sign of interest. And if you make an attempt to show him you would like to see him, that's a sign of interest to him. Its his lack if contact that concernsme. I think meeting his mate (briefly) was a good sign. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Ok we met on thursday. He came in a suit had stayed overnight in a hotel after a meeting. He was tired and instead of going home he met me. We had dinner and caught up. I feel this was a good effort because this was the first slot he had and he looked tired. We spoke about his itinary and it all sounded very busy and true. He also mentioned what he had done over the weekend up Until his trip and it was all work stuff. Then his friend (and 2 frienda) turn up, say hi and sit away from us. This is his best friend who was probably checking up On him. We leave. He next calls in saturday, general stuff. Then a good morning sms on monday. I sent a good morning tues. Nothing all day today. I was hoping to see him tomorrow but want him to ask me. Weekends are out due to his work. Am i being unreasonable? I think you should be dating other men so you aren't so focused on this one. You are way too available for this guy, and keep accepting his last minute dates. (Weren't you supposed to go out with him Wednesday? So why did you agree to Thursday?) He has no reason to schedule anything with you in advance (like you want him to) because you drop everything to go out with him whenever he asks. He has not asked you out yet for this week and it is already Wednesday. Schedule a date with another man for tomorrow night and for this weekend. I really do not think this guy is that interested in you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 Its his lack if contact that concernsme. I think meeting his mate (briefly) was a good sign. Maybe it's because he's not getting much back from you. It sounds very platonic and maybe he's taking cues from you. You have to put yourself out there a little bit. Dating is a risk, but you have to take that chance if you want progression. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 I think you should be dating other men so you aren't so focused on this one. You are way too available for this guy, and keep accepting his last minute dates. (Weren't you supposed to go out with him Wednesday? So why did you agree to Thursday?) He has no reason to schedule anything with you in advance (like you want him to) because you drop everything to go out with him whenever he asks. He has not asked you out yet for this week and it is already Wednesday. Schedule a date with another man for tomorrow night and for this weekend. I really do not think this guy is that interested in you. I went on a date with another man yesterday - no chemistry. He has not made a move on me, or paid me a compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 21, 2014 Author Share Posted May 21, 2014 Maybe it's because he's not getting much back from you. It sounds very platonic and maybe he's taking cues from you. You have to put yourself out there a little bit. Dating is a risk, but you have to take that chance if you want progression. On weds he asked to meet thurs - i said no i have a work do. On thursday morning he asked again, i said i could meet after work do. I did not want to wait until after the weekend again. So i did say no. He has explained all his plans are last minute due to his work which is why his mate met him there also. 4 dates and no move - why would any man do that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 Any advice would be appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
scorpiogirl Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 I don't think anyone has anymore advice for you. You don't take it. Everyone keeps replying but you're nitpicking. Read the 10 pages of this thread and all your other threads. What more do you need to hear? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 I don't think anyone has anymore advice for you. You don't take it. Everyone keeps replying but you're nitpicking. Read the 10 pages of this thread and all your other threads. What more do you need to hear? Do i contact him and what do i say? Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 So i sent him a sms saying . ... Hey what are you up to today.., An hour ago. No reply. This is what men do when they cannot face saying they are not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
okc85 Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 No word since the last exchange on Tues... He is drifting away. you're too hung up on this guy! You've only been on three dates with him. You should be dating lots of people. How old are you? I've been there. I've put all my eggs in one basket. It just winds up hurting, trust me. He could be dating others while you sit at home waiting for his text. Until you are exclusive, you don't really owe this guy anything. Set up some dates and have some fun. Don't waste emotional energy on someone who is already stressing you out. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 So i sent him a sms saying . ... Hey what are you up to today.., An hour ago. No reply. This is what men do when they cannot face saying they are not interested. Then you should be dating other men as well. I've said this in your other threads. Don't put all your eggs in one basket. You seem to cling because you're desperate to make something happen so you tunnel vision yourself on this one guy. If getting married and having children is your goal, then the chances of you getting there would increase if you open up your dating pool. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 Thank you both. Very good points. I am going to get a date or 2 set up. I just feel very hurt, confused and led on. Why did it take hom 4 dates( a trip to his house and me meeting his friends) for him to back off. Am i supposed to just go away quietly? I am actually offended and angry and hurt but willnot contact him or allow myself to be contacted again. He has got cold feet. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Thank you both. Very good points. I am going to get a date or 2 set up. I just feel very hurt, confused and led on. Why did it take hom 4 dates( a trip to his house and me meeting his friends) for him to back off. Am i supposed to just go away quietly? I am actually offended and angry and hurt but willnot contact him or allow myself to be contacted again. He has got cold feet. Dating is a process in getting to know each other, determining compatibility, etc. Just because you go on 4 dates and it doesn't work out, you shouldn't feel hurt and led on. That is what dating is all about. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Chocolat Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 Thank you both. Very good points. I am going to get a date or 2 set up. I just feel very hurt, confused and led on. Why did it take hom 4 dates( a trip to his house and me meeting his friends) for him to back off. Am i supposed to just go away quietly? I am actually offended and angry and hurt but willnot contact him or allow myself to be contacted again. He has got cold feet. WTH? It's been 4 dates, none of which were the least bit intimate/physical. What on earth has he done to offend, anger or hurt you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 WTH? It's been 4 dates, none of which were the least bit intimate/physical. What on earth has he done to offend, anger or hurt you? He has not replied to my text this morning and gone cold. I have no idea why. On saturday he called me and we had a chat, he invited me over when i mentionedi had a wedding nearby. I have met his friends,visitedhis home and now he has disappeared. Its hurtful. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 He has not replied to my text this morning and gone cold. I have no idea why. On saturday he called me and we had a chat, he invited me over when i mentionedi had a wedding nearby. I have met his friends,visitedhis home and now he has disappeared. Its hurtful. This is nothing new, SG. He's done this before whereby he doesn't text you right away. And if this is so hurtful to you and you are tired of the way you both interact, start going on other dates. There is no point in pursuing this. You've been repeating this same song and dance. Link to post Share on other sites
Author so gutted Posted May 22, 2014 Author Share Posted May 22, 2014 This is nothing new, SG. He's done this before whereby he doesn't text you right away. And if this is so hurtful to you and you are tired of the way you both interact, start going on other dates. There is no point in pursuing this. You've been repeating this same song and dance. In the past he has not contactedme for 2/3 days. He has not ignored my texts. It is very rude. I asked how he was today in order to start a conversation, surely he can spare 5 minutes to respond to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 In the past he has not contactedme for 2/3 days. He has not ignored my texts. It is very rude. I asked how he was today in order to start a conversation, surely he can spare 5 minutes to respond to me. Ok, then quit complaining about it. You decide. If you are done with this rude and ambivalent man, then you cut contact and start fresh. Go out and date again. Enough of engaging with this guy. If you're already so affected after 4 more so platonic dates, then it would be best to cut your losses and start over. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted May 22, 2014 Share Posted May 22, 2014 In the past he has not contactedme for 2/3 days. He has not ignored my texts. It is very rude. I asked how he was today in order to start a conversation, surely he can spare 5 minutes to respond to me. He's not that interested in you. You should move on. There is nothing to be hurt about at this point. It's dating. Stop contacting him. Link to post Share on other sites
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