Author so gutted Posted May 6, 2014 Author Posted May 6, 2014 Well, it seems like it's all going well! Are you upset that he didn't make a move? It's only date three. People move at different rates. I would find that refreshing in this day and age, enjoy it. I have never had a man not make a move at this stage. I prefer it like this but it makes me wonder what on earth is he thinking?
marigo Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 What is it like when you guys go out? Does he try to get to know you? Is he attentive? How are you with him? The reason I'm asking is that the 2nd time you guys went out, he told you that you looked stress. My guess is that maybe when you're out with him, you're so stressed thinking about whether or not he likes you. Your head is so preoccupied with trying to figure your guys' relationship out that you're not fully able to enjoy your date. He can probably sense that and so he doesn't feel right to make a move yet.
OhThatGirl Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Dear OP. You have so much anxiety, doubt, and disdain for yourself right now that dating is going to scare away the good guys and attract all the wrong ones. Please please please get into individual counseling and address WHY you are so affected by every single move of this man, WHY you say he must pity you because of your age, and WHY you assume that something as benign as a friends wedding means he must be trying to get rid of you. You are in NO shape to be dating, much less wanting to bring a child into the world. Until you do some thorough work on yourself you're not going to be fulfilled. Every single one of your posts makes me cringe. Again. Please get into counseling and get some help with this whole relationship thing. If you don't, you're setting yourself up for a relationship with someone that will take full advantage of the fact you have no positive regard for yourself. It won't be pretty. 3
Author so gutted Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 What is it like when you guys go out? Does he try to get to know you? Is he attentive? How are you with him? The reason I'm asking is that the 2nd time you guys went out, he told you that you looked stress. My guess is that maybe when you're out with him, you're so stressed thinking about whether or not he likes you. Your head is so preoccupied with trying to figure your guys' relationship out that you're not fully able to enjoy your date. He can probably sense that and so he doesn't feel right to make a move yet. Its fine, we talk like old friends. He is prompt, poliete and friendly. He has not asked any inappropriate questions. At the cinema we leaned close but just by mistake. I am pretty sure he will nit make a move. Maybe he sees us as friends?
Author so gutted Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 Dear OP. You have so much anxiety, doubt, and disdain for yourself right now that dating is going to scare away the good guys and attract all the wrong ones. Please please please get into individual counseling and address WHY you are so affected by every single move of this man, WHY you say he must pity you because of your age, and WHY you assume that something as benign as a friends wedding means he must be trying to get rid of you. You are in NO shape to be dating, much less wanting to bring a child into the world. Until you do some thorough work on yourself you're not going to be fulfilled. Every single one of your posts makes me cringe. Again. Please get into counseling and get some help with this whole relationship thing. If you don't, you're setting yourself up for a relationship with someone that will take full advantage of the fact you have no positive regard for yourself. It won't be pretty. I agree with you. I was not aware I was doing this as much as i was. I find it very hard to not focus on him despite being away 3 days. Any tips?
Author so gutted Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 Also can i ask him (jokeingly) why he hasnt made a move?
Trimmer Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 I have never had a man not make a move at this stage. I prefer it like this but it makes me wonder what on earth is he thinking? So, he's doing what you prefer, but you're going to strangle it dead with self-doubt and insecurity. That's too bad. 2
Author so gutted Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 So, he's doing what you prefer, but you're going to strangle it dead with self-doubt and insecurity. That's too bad. So what should i do? Just keep quiet and wait for himto intiate contact?
Author so gutted Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 No word since the last exchange on Tues... He is drifting away.
MidwestUSA Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 No word since the last exchange on Tues... He is drifting away. Hmm, where I sit it's early Thursday. I can't even believe you have these thoughts. Please get into counseling. 2
Author so gutted Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Hmm, where I sit it's early Thursday. I can't even believe you have these thoughts. Please get into counseling. I'm used to men contacting me each day a few times, wishing me good morning and goodnight at least. He is silent.
MidwestUSA Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I'm used to men contacting me each day a few times, wishing me good morning and goodnight at least. He is silent. Maybe those are reasonable expectations once you're in a committed relationship, with all the lovey, gooey stuff that goes with it. Even then, some people aren't like that. Maybe reexamine your expectations?
Author so gutted Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Maybe those are reasonable expectations once you're in a committed relationship, with all the lovey, gooey stuff that goes with it. Even then, some people aren't like that. Maybe reexamine your expectations? Yes - are you male or female? Do you think he is backing off?
MidwestUSA Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Yes - are you male or female? Do you think he is backing off? I'm female. No way to tell if he's backing off. I would say if he values the weekends for dates, he should be thinking about contacting you about now. Have you even once initiated contact? After three dates, I wouldn't find this out of line. 1
Author so gutted Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I'm female. No way to tell if he's backing off. I would say if he values the weekends for dates, he should be thinking about contacting you about now. Have you even once initiated contact? After three dates, I wouldn't find this out of line. I did on tues to ask why he was stressed. I think he may have been embarrassed about texting me saying he was stressed. He was busy but called me quickly to say it was just drink talking. Had a brief chat and as i could hear he was meeting his friends that was it. Nothing since.
MidwestUSA Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 I did on tues to ask why he was stressed. I think he may have been embarrassed about texting me saying he was stressed. He was busy but called me quickly to say it was just drink talking. Had a brief chat and as i could hear he was meeting his friends that was it. Nothing since. Not exactly a light topic for three dates in. You probably did embarrass (and scare) him.
Author so gutted Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 Not exactly a light topic for three dates in. You probably did embarrass (and scare) him. He has explained his family stresses before to me. Because he had said he was stressed i thought it would be bad if i didn't ask why.
Author so gutted Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 He did call twice this week. He has been busy with work ( explanation was all plausible). We were going to meet yesterday but he got late so we didn't. He was supposed to come back to me today regarding meeting but hasn't. He works 7 days (own business) and has little time. Do i chase him today - or wait it out again. I do not think he is evading me because he has called and apologised with an explanation. He also missed his best friends stag do due to work... How can i politely chase without looking desperate. We have had 3 dates ...
Author so gutted Posted May 10, 2014 Author Posted May 10, 2014 He has "checked in" to the place of work on facebook, so its all legit. He has not come back to me to even say I cannot make it.
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Had 3 dates with a guy. He has his own business which is very time consuming. He has been in contact once every 3 days. We were supposed to meet on Friday but he couldn't. I have not heard back. I know he was working late yesterday. How do i continue contact? I have waited it out the previous few times and he has contacted me, but this waiting is of no benefit as its me thats losing time. I do not doubt his explanations & have verified them via his facebook but i need more.
HappyLove Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 "i need more" You answered your question, you need more so why do you keep accepting less? He's done this a few times and still you stay. He probably thinks his behavior is ok since you keep accepting his dates. It's probably easier and easier for him to keep canceling because you continue to wait in the wings until he's bored enough to contact you again. Like you've already said, " i need more".
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 "i need more" You answered your question, you need more so why do you keep accepting less? He's done this a few times and still you stay. He probably thinks his behavior is ok since you keep accepting his dates. It's probably easier and easier for him to keep canceling because you continue to wait in the wings until he's bored enough to contact you again. Like you've already said, " i need more". But all this time i have waited and he has contacted me, should it be for me to Contact him, initiate a conversation rather then waiting. 3 dates and he showed me his house, did not make a move and paid - for these reasons i want to try.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 But all this time i have waited and he has contacted me, should it be for me to Contact him, initiate a conversation rather then waiting. 3 dates and he showed me his house, did not make a move and paid - for these reasons i want to try. so the only time you talk is when he initiates contact?
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