Zahara Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I deal with the 1 month dump better, not sure why. I just feel low anyway and to have my feelings trampled on again, after feeling good for once ( he made me feel wanted, hope) is horrible. I have noone to talk too about it. You felt wanted and hopeful after three hours? You do understand that you're fantasizing based on a 3 hour meet and greet --because at best people aren't even portraying or presenting who they actually are in that short period of time. You're romanticizing this. It could be an indication that there are probably other issues going on with you that may be making you behave so adversely to this. You sound unhappy and fragile. Maybe this is not a good time for you to date. It would be better for you to work on why you're feeling the way you are feeling and really asking yourself why you can't feel good about you without having a man you DON'T know having to do it for you.
GemmaUK Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Where is your own self worth in all this? Why put so much value into one date?
Author so gutted Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 You felt wanted and hopeful after three hours? You do understand that you're fantasizing based on a 3 hour meet and greet --because at best people aren't even portraying or presenting who they actually are in that short period of time. You're romanticizing this. It could be an indication that there are probably other issues going on with you that may be making you behave so adversely to this. You sound unhappy and fragile. Maybe this is not a good time for you to date. It would be better for you to work on why you're feeling the way you are feeling and really asking yourself why you can't feel good about you without having a man you DON'T know having to do it for you. The underlying issue is that time is running out fast and a bit of attention gave me a mountain of hope, now its dashed so i feel like my lady chance has gone.
Zahara Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 The underlying issue is that time is running out fast and a bit of attention gave me a mountain of hope, now its dashed so i feel like my lady chance has gone. Time is running out fast and your lady chance has gone? What does that mean? Elaborate.
Author so gutted Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 Time is running out fast and your lady chance has gone? What does that mean? Elaborate. To have children
J21 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 To have children Are you thinking about having children with this person after one 3 hour date? I'm not sure I understand.
GorillaTheater Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 To have children One date and you're thinking about having kids with this guy? Do I have that right? A person could look at your thread history and fairly conclude that you have some pretty significant issues to work through. Have you ever sought counseling? I suggest that getting your head on straight should take precedence over thoughts about starting a family. 5
Zahara Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 To have children It's something that you have to be prepared for -- that you may never meet a man and have the white picket fence, car, house and babies. BUT there are other ways to have children if you so truly want to be a mother. But gunning for a man, any man because you need to complete that part of your life isn't the healthy way to go for you. It's almost as if you're looking to lock down a sperm donor just so you can have a baby. You're fragile and unhappy, low in confidence and self-esteem and your focus is children? Until you fix that hole in yourself, no child and no man is going to make you happy. Fix you first. And I have read your other threads. You're doing all this ass backwards. Honestly OP, you have to be emotionally and mentally healthy to raise a child. 2
Author so gutted Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 It's something that you have to be prepared for -- that you may never meet a man and have the white picket fence, car, house and babies. BUT there are other ways to have children if you so truly want to be a mother. But gunning for a man, any man because you need to complete that part of your life isn't the healthy way to go for you. It's almost as if you're looking to lock down a sperm donor just so you can have a baby. You're fragile and unhappy, low in confidence and self-esteem and your focus is children? Until you fix that hole in yourself, no child and no man is going to make you happy. Fix you first. And I have read your other threads. You're doing all this ass backwards. Honestly OP, you have to be emotionally and mentally healthy to raise a child. I want a child and not neccessarily with him but if a glimmer of hope is raised why not? I want one because i feel bored and society expects it from me. I have very little time and its making me ill. I cannot sleep because i fear being one too much.
Zahara Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I want a child and not neccessarily with him but if a glimmer of hope is raised why not? I want one because i feel bored and society expects it from me. I have very little time and its making me ill. I cannot sleep because i fear being one too much. You want a child because you feel bored? Because society expects it? I'm not sure what else to say. It's disturbing. 6
tlegend Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I want a child and not neccessarily with him but if a glimmer of hope is raised why not? I want one because i feel bored and society expects it from me. I have very little time and its making me ill. I cannot sleep because i fear being one too much. I sincerely think a child should be the last thought you are having atm. 5
Author so gutted Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 He got in contact 2 days later. Had second date. I think it went well, but it was 2.15 hours not 3 hours like the last one. Now i'm paranoid. He did not try anything which is very very very very unusual. I think he likes me but the contact is not at frequent as before when we first met. I have not brought up marriage or kids. How do i do this?
MidwestUSA Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 He got in contact 2 days later. Good response time. You worried about nothing. Had second date. I think it went well, but it was 2.15 hours not 3 hours like the last one. That's still long enough for a second date. Now i'm paranoid. Why? He did not try anything which is very very very very unusual. I thought you WANTED to go slow. It was date number two! I think he likes me but the contact is not at frequent as before when we first met. It happens. We get all gung ho because we're getting ready to meet someone new. Now you've met, no need to continue the mystery/buildup. I have not brought up marriage or kids. How do i do this? For the love of god, do not do this! You seem to be really confused about what the normal/average progression of a relationship is. You want to scare him away? Go ahead. Unless of course you're looking for a sperm donor to have that baby you're feeling pressured about. In that case, have some sort of contract ready to present to him. Answers in bold. Honestly, you need some help. Your history speaks for itself. If this guy hangs around, please don't put yourself in a position to be taken advantage of just because you want a relationship, or a kid, or whatever. But it sounds more like you're getting ready to do something to scare him off. 3
Author so gutted Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 Thanks - how is 2 days normal contact? I usually find that guys contact me all the time continous. Why isnt he trying it? Its naking me nervous as to what we are doing? Dating or hanging out. I like that he isnt trying but its very odd. Is it odd to you all?
MidwestUSA Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 What on earth is 'all the time continuous'? That's something my husband and I did when we got serious about dating. Prior to that, contact was made to check in, say hi, and set up the next date. Serious conversations were reserved for in person. We each had lives - work, family, gym, etc. Two days after one date is pretty appropriate (and polite). You barely know the guy.
Author so gutted Posted April 26, 2014 Author Posted April 26, 2014 What on earth is 'all the time continuous'? That's something my husband and I did when we got serious about dating. Prior to that, contact was made to check in, say hi, and set up the next date. Serious conversations were reserved for in person. We each had lives - work, family, gym, etc. Two days after one date is pretty appropriate (and polite). You barely know the guy. Thanks - how long did you go on like this for with less contact? He just called and we had a good chat. He explained why he was preoccupied (business). He said i looked stressed.
MidwestUSA Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Thanks - how long did you go on like this for with less contact? He just called and we had a good chat. He explained why he was preoccupied (business). He said i looked stressed. I wouldn't do it until you've been out with his a couple more times, but make your expectations known to him. If you like to be contacted everyday, just to say hey, let him know. Ask him what his expectations are, and if it's okay for you to contact him (or are you already doing so?) Hey, you talked today. Take a deep breath and enjoy it. As for me, when first dating, we often talked on the phone once a day, but for hours at a time. I pulled my itemized phone bill, and was shocked to see the number of calls that went for three and four hours. Our record was six. Once he moved in, I started longing for my quiet time, LOL! 1
TXGuy Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I want one [a child] because ... society expects it from me. I have very little time and its making me ill. As the official representative of society, we do not expect you to have a child. We don't care if you have a child or not. Do it or don't do it for you, not us. 10
Author so gutted Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 I have been away for 3 nights, returned yesterday to receive an sms from him saying welcome back. I then said did you miss me. He said of course, just driving. Nothing since. Was he just being polite? Do i pursue the conversation. Jas the 3 day break killed of the whole thing? 3 day break after knowing him 3 weeks. He has also removed his dating profile, or blocked me.
clia Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 The sms welcoming you back is a good sign. Have you had a second date with him yet?
Author so gutted Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 The sms welcoming you back is a good sign. Have you had a second date with him yet? Yes - had one before i went away but since im back he is cold. Its really upsetting.
Author so gutted Posted May 2, 2014 Author Posted May 2, 2014 2 dates and he has gone cold. I went away for 3 nights, had a welcome home hun text. After that nothing. Why?
BradJacobs Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 He was deported? You're going to have to provide the story if you want anything other than wild guesses. 3
Zahara Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 2 dates and he has gone cold. I went away for 3 nights, had a welcome home hun text. After that nothing. Why? SG, I'm not going to harp on your other issues that you should be focusing on, which you should do because if you don't this is how you will keep repeating your story. As for this guy. It happens. 2 dates doesn't mean anything. He could be dating other women. He may not be that interested but keeps it mildly going for attention. He was just being polite. I don't know but being so affected as per your last thread because you view every man that walks your way as the one that is going to give you babies will keep you stuck this way. You need to adjust your expectations. Maybe then you won't be so utterly dissappointed when one guy doesn't show up. If you want to date, open up your pool of people and stop putting this one guy in your basket. 3
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 2, 2014 Posted May 2, 2014 SG, I'm not going to harp on your other issues that you should be focusing on, which you should do because if you don't this is how you will keep repeating your story. As for this guy. It happens. 2 dates doesn't mean anything. He could be dating other women. He may not be that interested but keeps it mildly going for attention. He was just being polite. I don't know but being so affected as per your last thread because you view every man that walks your way as the one that is going to give you babies will keep you stuck this way. You need to adjust your expectations. Maybe then you won't be so utterly dissappointed when one guy doesn't show up. If you want to date, open up your pool of people and stop putting this one guy in your basket. Excellent advice. Take note.
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