Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 so the only time you talk is when he initiates contact? Yes apart from once, the most i have sent is an emoji (a broken heart pic).
jessywalshe Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 This behaviour will chart the course of your relationship if it develops into one, which you seem to want, which I understand. You need to decide if you think it is something you can live with full-time.
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Is there anyway i can convey that this isnt acceptable without coming across needy/mad?
jessywalshe Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 What is it exactly that you would like to say if you got the chance without him thinking you were needy or mad?
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 What is it exactly that you would like to say if you got the chance without him thinking you were needy or mad? Is he interested? Why the lack of contact - i'm not used to this? Its rude.
jessywalshe Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 If it was me I would probably have a glass of wine and text him just that, then sweat till I got an answer. But afterwards I'd be happy I asked. If he leaves you because of it. Better now than later!
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Thats helpful - not. I just want to talk to him But he does not feel the same it seems. Not sure how i have put him off without saying anything or contacting him.
Legatus Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 All you do at the moment is second guessing what he thinks and feels. His behaviour is not that clear for you to make assumptions. I agree with @jessywalshe I would do the same.. Actually I did not so long ago. No it didn't change anything but at least I know I've done everything I wanted and could and if it falls apart it's not because of me. Believe it's much better to regret doing something than not doing it... 1
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 All you do at the moment is second guessing what he thinks and feels. His behaviour is not that clear for you to make assumptions. I agree with @jessywalshe I would do the same.. Actually I did not so long ago. No it didn't change anything but at least I know I've done everything I wanted and could and if it falls apart it's not because of me. Believe it's much better to regret doing something than not doing it... So you think i should sabotage it completly? I wanted to aporoach this in a more subtle non offendive way .. If anyone has any ideas?
jessywalshe Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Without wanting to appear rude, you weren't too subtle when you said my advice was helpful - not!
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Without wanting to appear rude, you weren't too subtle when you said my advice was helpful - not! Sorry im clearly taking it out on you. Just seen that he has checked into his place of work via facebook, All weekend he has worked - i know this vua fb not from Him telling me...
MidwestUSA Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Yes apart from once, the most i have sent is an emoji (a broken heart pic). Three dates in, and you're sending broken heart emoticons? Look, you can go ahead and sabotage this if you want (you're well on your way), but, having to Facebook stalk to see what someone's up to? That doesn't point to a healthy start to a relationship, or casual dating, whatever you envision this to be. Ask him when his schedule is open, and tell him YOU want to take HIM out. It's a better step than sitting around pondering sending him signs that you're needy and/or pissed off, neither of which you really have a right to be. How do you know he's not dating others? Are you dating others, or just sitting around waiting for this guy? 4
Chocolat Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Three dates in, and you're sending broken heart emoticons? Look, you can go ahead and sabotage this if you want (you're well on your way), but, having to Facebook stalk to see what someone's up to? That doesn't point to a healthy start to a relationship, or casual dating, whatever you envision this to be. This is what I was going to write when I read that you'd send him a broken heart within 3 dates of meeting him. Ask him when his schedule is open, and tell him YOU want to take HIM out. It's a better step than sitting around pondering sending him signs that you're needy and/or pissed off, neither of which you really have a right to be. How do you know he's not dating others? Are you dating others, or just sitting around waiting for this guy? This. This is what I was going to write when I read that you'd send him a broken heart within 3 dates of meeting him.
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Three dates in, and you're sending broken heart emoticons? Look, you can go ahead and sabotage this if you want (you're well on your way), but, having to Facebook stalk to see what someone's up to? That doesn't point to a healthy start to a relationship, or casual dating, whatever you envision this to be. Ask him when his schedule is open, and tell him YOU want to take HIM out. It's a better step than sitting around pondering sending him signs that you're needy and/or pissed off, neither of which you really have a right to be. How do you know he's not dating others? Are you dating others, or just sitting around waiting for this guy? Thanks. Will this not look desperate? I am starting to date others. Wanted to stop multiple dating and date him. Also, i thought everyone facebook stalked? Good thing is he is at work and has been all 3 days, his friends have commented back, he doesn't seem to have to date others.
clia Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Did he cancel Friday's date before or after you sent him the broken heart emoticon? In my opinion, your expectations are so needy and out of line for the stage of the relationship that if you say anything you run a strong risk of scaring him off, if you haven't already. It's not a good sign that he hasn't rescheduled Friday's date yet. And no, not everyone Facebook stalks. You are far too invested in this guy after three dates.
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 Did he cancel Friday's date before or after you sent him the broken heart emoticon? In my opinion, your expectations are so needy and out of line for the stage of the relationship that if you say anything you run a strong risk of scaring him off, if you haven't already. It's not a good sign that he hasn't rescheduled Friday's date yet. And no, not everyone Facebook stalks. You are far too invested in this guy after three dates. I sent the broken heart way before.. He works weekends... My expectation is regular contact.. Which im Not getting. How do i get this? His contact is roughly every 3 days which is not enough.
MidwestUSA Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Thanks. Will this not look desperate? NO. Not if done once, and without whining. I am starting to date others. Wanted to stop multiple dating and date him. He may think it's too early for that. You barely know each other, so have no way of knowing. Also, i thought everyone facebook stalked? Um, NO, just NO. Good thing is he is at work and has been all 3 days, his friends have commented back, he doesn't seem to have to date others. Good thing? You make it sound like 'good thing or else'. Good thing he's got proof he's really been at work? It's NOT your business at this point! Look, the truth is, this guy may have gotten a wee bit of an indication of your personality and needs on those three dates, because a guy that's interested DOES ask you out and stay in touch. Your last effort can be to contact him (once and only once, and not just to send an emoti) or to forget him. Otherwise, you're just driving yourself crazy. Good luck.
clia Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I sent the broken heart way before.. He works weekends... My expectation is regular contact.. Which im Not getting. How do i get this? His contact is roughly every 3 days which is not enough. Then you should date someone else. 1
Legatus Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 You don't have to sabotage anything. If you say you have certain needs (constant contact) with someone you're dating that you either respect the other side (he doesn't have time and doesn't need constant contact) or you can ask him nicely what kind of relations he wants after those three dates. Otherwise you'll spend days and weeks assuming and thinking.. and not getting anywhere.. 1
michellew Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Then you should date someone else. She'd only be right back here, overanalyzing every move with the next one and ignoring everyone's advice and concerns. Until she works on herself, OP should just stop dating period. 1
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 She'd only be right back here, overanalyzing every move with the next one and ignoring everyone's advice and concerns. Until she works on herself, OP should just stop dating period. I have been to Counselling and cognitive behaviour therapy. They failed to understand the cultural baggage I have. In any case, i have not initiated contact (which is an Improvement ) and therefore he has no idea how needy i am on this forum.
Legatus Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Why initiating a contact has to be perceived as neediness? If you called him every single minute of his life demanding he talks to you then maybe. But to find out where you stand, OCCASIONAL contact wouldn't hurt, would it? But if you prefer to wait then I guess it's the right thing to do..
Author so gutted Posted May 11, 2014 Author Posted May 11, 2014 So he kind if contacted me with a text kiss. I then asked when would we meet? Straight out. He said weekday evenings are better ( weekends are spent working due to the industry he is in). I then said "if you still want to see me, weds is good". He said yessssssss, i do. Its going good. So i am trying to pin down a day, i'm driving it ... Not my usual style but if it gets me there? Also Given how busy he is would he make time if he wasnt interested? Do i now chase again before weds?
jessywalshe Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 I'm not sure why you seem mad at the people who are trying to help you. We're not the ones doing these things to you. We're trying to give you honest and helpful advice, which you asked for. You told me my advice was helpful - not.... but as the above said, we are only trying to help.... spending our own time doing so.. If you are 'with' this guy and can't talk to him about a simple question that is doing your head in..... without worrying if he is going to leave you.... ask yourself, seriously, what is really going on??
MidwestUSA Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 So he kind if contacted me with a text kiss. I then asked when would we meet? Straight out. He said weekday evenings are better ( weekends are spent working due to the industry he is in). I then said "if you still want to see me, weds is good". He said yessssssss, i do. Its going good. So i am trying to pin down a day, i'm driving it ... Not my usual style but if it gets me there? Also Given how busy he is would he make time if he wasnt interested? Do i now chase again before weds? I'm confused. You told him Wednesday. Do you not consider that 'pinning down a day'? Tell me you made definite plans. You question too much. He said yes. Don't worry about how he's making time. Why would you question that after your prior concerns?
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