Just Venting

[Groovy]

My ex called me again. He calls 2-3X's a week, whether I talk to him or not. I cared about him but he f_cked it all up when he dumped me. He needs to either make some serious apologies and sincere explanations or get out of my life. Whenever he calls me I blow him off and steam about how mad I am.

 

The one time we spoke I said I am not interested in being physically involved and nothing was happening beyond conversation. He told me how his brother got kicked out of the house and is living with him. The wife is divorcing him and he can't see his children. While that can scare a man and occupy their energy, if he cared enough he'd never left. He says he never wanted to stop talking to me but I'd say voicemail saying "let's just be friends" means "I am dumping you". He talked about my unrealistic high standards and I realized he was probably talking about who I jump in the sack with and who I don't.

 

I have told him he made me angry because he gave clear signals he wanted the relationship and initiated a lot of it. Then did a 180 without ever explaining things to me and broke up with a voice mail after he was sexually involved, which is shameful for a man his age Should I ask him how he feels tomorrow seeing it changes overnight? I said he didn't know what he wanted. That I did not need to say anything else to him because he knows that I have felt like he has played games and am not interested in that. He said he understood why I am angry.

 

Why is he still calling me? My friend who knows him now for 15 years says he got scared and really liked me. She asked if I am seeing him for lunch for a date! So I wondered where that came from. I am not listening to my friend. He needs to let me know and no one else. When he calls I get the feeling he wants to say something but doesn't. I have been patient hoping he will go away on his own or have a pipe dream he will actually turn out to be the person I really thought I cared about. But I know I just need to pick up that phone and ask why he calls at all. Does he want a f_ck buddy? That I liked him but unfortunately that's over so he can stop calling now. He can always have a relationship with his right hand, sounds like one he's more capable of.

 

Just sick of this evasive state and need to lay a lot on the table even if I have to verbally smack him in the face. I bought myself flowers today and it made me feel a little better, but not enough.

[pizzanova]

My motto is "when it's over, it's over." I just don't think it's worth it to try and capture something that has already been lost. If it makes you feel any better, your ex IS thinking about you (hence why he's calling regularly). It hurts to know you've been dumped, but it's better to kiss him goodbye rather than re-hash and re-live the past.

[Groovy]

That is my whole point of why I am angry and ready to blow my top at him. If he feels like it's not meant to be in no way is he obligated and it's in both our best interests that we move on without each other.

 

But if he breaks it off I feel it would only be fair to let me go. Not ask my friend who I am dating, call me a couple times each week and sit on the fence with words after I have blatantly asked for clarification in what he's doing.

 

I was O.K for the first week or two but now that it has been a couple weeks I almost feel like scaring him off with unpleasant confrontation so he will stop calling all together and get the idea he needs to leave. I do not want to rehash and relive things. He blew it and I am not interested in being dissapointed again. It just bothers me that he is in my life at all and I hate that I have to go to this level. But I can't stand another voice mail from him. It ruins much of my days.

[acidrein_08]

You need to be more understanding and talk to him about how you are feeling. Dont' let anger come over you becuase that in itself ruins all good relationships. Find out how he feels, maybe you all could start new and go back to enjoying yourselves.

[Groovy]

Looking at my post, I can see how one would say that. I did confront him because small talk wasn't doing it and asked him if he was calling because he was horny, missed talking to me or some other point maybe I had missed. He said both and don't be mad at him for being honest. I told him I felt like he used me, that he ended it all inmaturely (and he agreed on the latter). That the first week I considered his phone calls an apology, the second week I thought maybe he was sincere and the third week I felt angry at him for calling. That I also felt he lied when he said he didn't want us seeing other people and he really cared about me BUT then telling me "let's be friends". And if that wasn't a lie than maybe he could tell me what justified as something else.

 

He said he got scared of the intimacy and the expectations. I thanked him for being honest and told him only he can let me know those things. That I felt maybe he wanted to tell me something. He asked what he can do to make me not hate him. So I said he could buy me flowers and act sincere as a friend. He told me to call him "tomorrow" and we could hang out.

 

But the next day I called and he was golfing with his brother. He seemed surprised I didn't get angry like I can. I just said "It's a great day for that, have fun". After all, I got my answers of what I mean to him. When I am not longer angry it means I have left the situation entirely and no longer care. I do not want those flowers from him either.

 

I can see how maybe I said things that pushed him further away, but he is 40 years old and I should not have to work so hard at this. I understand he's had 2 women cheat on him and it's been hard but we all have our baggage to carry. He should go to counseling then, not short everyone in his life of what they deserve, including himself. I don't plan to sleep with him ever again, make any commitments or go out of my way for him anymore. I will be friendly maybe with a birthday card but I can't say I will even pick up the phone when he calls, and I know he will.