forbidden_love Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 eranslation: You know what you are doing is wrong but you like it so you do it anyway Your translation maybe but when you love someone you rarely think about how you affect others. It's a deep connection, it is selfish and addictive. You really have no idea,
notserene Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 eranslation: You know what you are doing is wrong but you like it so you do it anyway Your translation maybe but when you love someone you rarely think about how you affect others. It's a deep connection, it is selfish and addictive. You really have no idea, Love is not selfish. I think that what you call love in this case is really something else.
forbidden_love Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Generally the term is used to describe the time DURING the affair. Many WSs snap more or less out of it on DDay, well before they've "learned what to say and what not to say to a BS." Snap out of the affair! No...... Nobody snaps out of anything. They do however react to blackmail when confronted.
forbidden_love Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Love is not selfish. I think that what you call love in this case is really something else. Romantic love IS selfish. Have you ever loved that way. No, rhetorical question.
notserene Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Romantic love IS selfish. Have you ever loved that way. No, rhetorical question. I'm afraid I don't get your point.
forbidden_love Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Translation: You know what you are doing is wrong but you like it so you do it anyway Your translation maybe but when you love someone you rarely think about how you affect others. It's a deep connection, it is selfish and addictive. You really have no idea,
gettingstronger Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 Your translation maybe but when you love someone you rarely think about how you affect others. It's a deep connection, it is selfish and addictive. You really have no idea, WHAT? No, I love my husband and I always think about how my actions affect others- we have kids, an extended family, friends, co-workers and a community all of which are affected by us either singularly or as a couple- love in any form does not have to be harmful unless you are selfish enough to allow it to be-and in my mind thats love of self and not love of or with another-
janedoe67 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Your translation maybe but when you love someone you rarely think about how you affect others. It's a deep connection, it is selfish and addictive. You really have no idea, Actually I do, and while it may be a deep connection, selfishly continuing to do something wrong and hurtful to others displays lousy character and is not something to be proud of.
compulsivedancer Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Snap out of the affair! No...... Nobody snaps out of anything. They do however react to blackmail when confronted. So...my husband blackmailed me by confronting me about my affair? Sure, he told me that I had to choose him or OM. If that's blackmail...? Actually, I DID snap out if it. Probably the day after DDay. Now, there have certainly been times where clarity was less clear, or where I temporarily retreated back into those ways of thinking, but it was never to the same extent as before, and certainly fairly brief. 2
gettingstronger Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 I gave my husband a free pass to decide what he wanted, no threats at all. He is where he chooses to be. No blackmail here.
anne1707 Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Snap out of the affair! No...... Nobody snaps out of anything. They do however react to blackmail when confronted. No. You are wrong. My H did not blackmail me into staying. He was only prepared to give us a chance for reconciling if I chose to stay because I wanted to be with him and only him. It was an absolute no brainer really. 2
gettingstronger Posted April 27, 2014 Posted April 27, 2014 Free pass ? Yep, free pass as in- you decide what you want, I am not going to say anything one way or another to influence your decision- I would never hold the kids against him, would not take him for all he is worth, would not disclose him to our friends and family- totally free to make the choice he wanted-he was immediate on wanting forgiveness and to work it out with me- once he decided that, then we had very serious and pointed discussions (ok, some arguments too) on what that would take-NC and the others related to our OW were all his idea and something he wanted to do-he said that when it was over, it was over- I asked him to at least end it kindly by telling her of his decision and since he was scheduled to go to her city on business I told him to offer to meet her face to face-
forbidden_love Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 No. You are wrong. My H did not blackmail me into staying. He was only prepared to give us a chance for reconciling if I chose to stay because I wanted to be with him and only him. It was an absolute no brainer really. Forgive me if im wrong but i thought your mm ended it with you and then u chose to reconcile after
anne1707 Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 (edited) Forgive me if im wrong but i thought your mm ended it with you and then u chose to reconcile after I forgive you. I ended the affair. I was in a mess. I told my H. I was all over the place for a while regarding the exOM (he was not a MM). I said and did some crazy stuff but I never really wanted to leave my H. Though I don't see how your question is relevant to the discussion on "fog". Edited April 28, 2014 by anne1707 1
compulsivedancer Posted April 28, 2014 Posted April 28, 2014 Certainly not a free pass. R is a lot harder than leaving would've been. But I think it's worth the potential yields in terms of building a better marriage with a worthy man. 1
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