lostinlove0479 Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 I've been seeing this guy exclusively for the past 7 months. We work for the same company and have seen eachother all the time since we've started dating. Our relationship has been really stress free. We enjoy eachother's company, have fun together, I mean everything has been great. Until, about 2 wks. ago. He switched positions which now has him working at night. We don't see eachother anymore at work. And this has been a major adjustment for me. On top of that, we haven't really spoken in the past 2 wks and his text messages dwindled to nothing a wk ago. Last Thursday, he sent me a text saying not to message him or call b/c his phone was acting up. Friday, Saturday and Sunday....no calls, no texts. I didn't know what was going on and I was clueless. Monday afternoon he sent me a message saying that he apologized for not talking to me but he had some tax issues going on and b/t that and working crazy hours at night, he just hadn't felt like his normal self and didn't want to talk. He assured me in the message that it had nothing to do with me, just that he needed his space/time to his self. I sent him a message back saying that it really hurt my feelings that he didn't let me know what was going on and that I never would've done such a thing to him. I told him that out of all the people in the world I always want to talk to him b/c he's the only person who makes me feel good like that. I also told him that I was sorry that I wasn't that person for him. He replied back saying that it wasn't that I wasn't that person for him it's just that when he has personal issues going on he doesn't talk to anybody about them. I let him know that I hope everything works out and I'd give him his time to handle his business. I saw him last night at work b/c I was there late. We talked like everything was okay and he said he missed me. But, I still haven't heard from him today. I mean, I miss him sooo much that it almost hurt to look at him last night. HELP!! Can someone please tell me is this normal for a man to just go in his shell while leaving his woman on the shelf to be patient and understanding?? Is it possible for a man to not talk to his love b/c he has issues going on? I'm trying to just be patient and take all the eggs that I had put in his basket out and spread them around to other guys. But, I really don't wanna...any advice is appreciated. I miss him so much. This is just not like him. Well, at least this is a side of him that's new to me. I keep thinking that everyone operates differently and handles things differently. But, why can't he at least pick up a phone and say Hi. Don't just cut all communication but make me think it's not personal. It feels so personal. I'm so sad...Help...please!
very-confused-girl Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 This is not such a big issue, some people are like that. If they have some problems they hide themselves into the "shell" until they solve it. And especially guys do that. Its even called something like a "cave syndrom" or something like that. You cant change the way he deals with problems. If he wants to be in the "cave" you have to accept that and let him be there for that long that is necessary for him. And dont depend that much on him. While he sits in his cave, you can occupy yourself with some stuff so that you are not worried about him and getting paranoid.
Author lostinlove0479 Posted February 4, 2005 Author Posted February 4, 2005 Yes the position shift was his decision. It's actually a new position all together. He's working from 6p-2a
bluechocolate Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia Was the position switch his decision? The answer to that question could possibly change the complexion of this ... (my, but we are cynical LB ) I did a series of night shifts once upon a time - they are brutal until & unless you get used to them. You sleep twice as much as you normally need to & they will definitely screw around with your moods. I think it would be fair to keep that in mind. I guess you haven't gone through something like this with him before? Have you ever seem him down? I also told him that I was sorry that I wasn't that person for him. I think that was kind of mean & somewhat petulant. If he is really feeling down about something it's not supportive & turns the conversation into something about you rather than about what might actually be bothering him. What you need from him is assurance. Its perfectly natural for you to suspect that what might be bothering him is a struggle with the decision to continue seeing you. If whatever it is that he is thinking about could possibly lead to a decision that ends your relationship then you have a right to know & he should understand that & be open & honest with you about it. But that is not to say that you have a right to know everything that he is thinking about. If it is his intention to continue seeing you then tell him you're there when he's ready & give him some space.
Author lostinlove0479 Posted February 4, 2005 Author Posted February 4, 2005 You are very right and I'm trying to give him his space. I think b/c we've seen eachother and communicated ALL the time for 7 months, that this is just hitting me really hard. I did tell him that I would give him his space and when we saw eachother yesterday I didn't even mention anything about us not speaking. I try to be supportive and I wasn't asking him to disclose all his issues to me. I just want to know that I'm still your baby...ya know. He did let me know, even though it was after we hadn't spoken for days and b/c I have no reason to distrust him I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt...no stress. But, I miss him so much! I mean I had to leave him yesterday b/c it hurt to look at him. I just don't want to be neglected while you have issues. Shouldn't talking to me take you away from ur issues even if only for the time we are talking on the phone. As women we always feel like it has to be something bigger and I'm trying to turn that channel everytime it sneaks in my subconscious. And as for the text about me not being that person for him, I was just really sad at the time and it really did hurt my feelings that I'm ur girl and u seem to not even think about me. Thanks for the responses!!! You've helped me dearly!
kanga Posted February 4, 2005 Posted February 4, 2005 Originally posted by lostinlove0479 Can someone please tell me is this normal for a man to just go in his shell while leaving his woman on the shelf to be patient and understanding?? I think yes, it is. If you go through my posts from a few weeks ago, you'll find a thread I started about not getting any phone calls. I had no idea what happened for about a week or so. I began the freak out. And when he got back to me, he was all, "yeah, I was sick." And it still sounded shady to me. Why wouldn't he send out a quick email just to let me know? I have no idea really. But that seems to be how guys can be -- just drop away when dealing with personal stuff. I would not take it personally. And don't make him feel guilty for "neglecting" you while he's dealing with stuff. You're not a goldfish or a plant that needs someoen to feed and water you. As long as you trust him and you trust that he'll be back around, then find ways to take care of yourself. Don't let yourself get too needy with him. Ever.
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