Roommate cheated on her boyfriend, My boyfriend hates her now

[Smilecharmer]

Lamaga, just keep the communication open with your bf and try to nurture your relationship and get away from their drama. You have a nice bf who sounds like he just wants to spend time with his girl without all the extraneous stuff. Hey, at least you know now where he stand on cheating...doesn't approve and finds it horrible. Focus on you and him and you will be fine.

[kaylan]

Kaylan we're all entitled to our own opinions, however ridiculous they may be to another person. Its fine that you disagree with some of us.

Thats the point of my previous post, how ridiculous the points being made were.

Now what I don't appreciate is being told that I am a "ridiculous person" by some moderator-wannabe keyboard warrior. The real moderators would not take a liking to those kinds of comments about others.

Cant take heat? Leave kitchen.

OP albeit our abrasive posts, all we're trying to really say is just be careful with this situation and approach with an open mind.

Glad to see you acknowledge the abrasiveness of those bait posts. So why complain when I am a bit abrasive in response to those lame points a few of you made?

Edited April 24, 2014 by kaylan

[Cpt]

Thats the point of my previous post, how ridiculous the points being made were.

 

I said however ridiculous they may be to another person. Meaning its subjective, how unobservant of you.

 

Cant take heat? Leave kitchen.

 

obvious troll comment

 

Glad to see you acknowledge the abrasiveness of those bait posts. So why complain when I am a bit abrasive in response to those lame points a few of you made?

 

"bait posts" you think we are trolling? You think like a troll, act like a troll..... Hey if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck

 

See answers in bold...

[Gaeta]

Well, it's too late now but OP, I would have liked to have all the details from the beginning.

 

Have I known your room-mate had been dating this guy for only 2 months and it was the second time she was cheating on him my take on this would have been much much much different.

[Chocolat]

Well, it's too late now but OP, I would have liked to have all the details from the beginning.

 

Have I known your room-mate had been dating this guy for only 2 months and it was the second time she was cheating on him my take on this would have been much much much different.

 

o_O SMH.

 

Talk about D-R-A-M-A.

[atlg8r]

Well since the beginning I have been saying OP's boyfriend is over-reacting. It's between her and her friend. Why the heck would he care enough to call her room mate a slvt or a shvnk.

 

If I tell my bf that my friend cheated on her man he will say: damn really? wow! and that would be the end of it. He doesn't care about the drama in my friend's life.

 

Also people have tried to play the card that OP's boyfriend and room-mate's boyfriend were friends, no, he thought that guy was cool and got along with. He was not a friend, he just knew him as his girlfriend's roomate's boyfriend.

 

You know what I have discovered in my long life? That those who yells 'wolf' are often wolf themselves.

 

My ex-husband use to condemn domestic violence till he had no breath, he would say men hitting women are weak, cowards, they deserves the electric chair....then we would go home and he'd hit me across the face.

 

Just saying....

 

If my fiance was friends with my roomie's bf (as in this case) then yeah, he would be defensive about her cheating on him. It's his FRIEND, and guy friends come before girl friends typically. I am pretty sure that my fiance would not stay friends with anyone who cheated on his buddy, and if she were my friend, he wouldn't tell me not to hang out with her anymore, but he wouldn't want to be part of that socialization.

[kaylan]

See answers in bold...

fvks given: 0

[Emilia]

I should warn you lamaga, that this is almost surely NOT the end of the situation. Not even close.

 

Your roommate's relationship with her boyfriend has some seriously rocky times coming up. However he took her confession that she cheated, he has a lot of anger towards your roommate that he hasn't even processed yet. And so this means that your roommate will be going through a lot of tough times. And so your days of being asked to provide intense emotional support to your roommate are likely far from over.

 

That said: If you want your relationship with your boyfriend to last, I think that you need to have better boundaries when it comes to your roommate. You can't be handling things as you did before. (a) You can't talk about her to your boyfriend (b) You need to be coming over to your boyfriend's place more so he doesn't have to see your roommate.

 

Hopefully you've given all this some thought.

 

Boundaries are important in determining the health of a relationship. Boundaries clarify where a friend stops and where you begin, which problems belong to you and which problems belong to them. We need boundaries to be a good friend with anyone.

 

Friends support and comfort each other all the time. That doesn't mean the troubles of a friend should be brought into your own relationship. You can be a friend without needing to defend them to a spouse, supporting and enabling them in their terrible decisions, or placing yourself in the middle of a friend's relationship. Lamaga has the right to choose her friends. If her boyfriend doesn't approve she doesn't need to justify that friendship with him let alone revolve her relationship around that friend's infidelity.

 

And yes, who we willingly include as friends absolutely does reflect on our own character. Does that make anyone a bad person? Not at all. Is Lamaga lucky for having a relationship because of who her friends are? No. She's lucky to still have a relationship despite her poor boundaries. This entire situation could have been resolved from a single sentence without escalating further. You do realize that, right?

 

Agree completely. I hope OP you learn from this otherwise you will lose your boyfriend's respect fast.

[kaylan]

Well, it's too late now but OP, I would have liked to have all the details from the beginning.

 

Have I known your room-mate had been dating this guy for only 2 months and it was the second time she was cheating on him my take on this would have been much much much different.

The roomie is a low quality woman that deserves the names that OP's boyfriend said about her. I didn't need these revelations in order to figure out she was no good. I wouldn't stay friends with this girl if I was Op bf.... and I would likely advise the other guy to dump her ass.

 

Shes selfish, untrustworthy, and not worthy of a good man.

[Spectre]

I like you, so we'll just have to agree to disagree. But you have to see the patterns though:

I thought I would never cheat - goes and cheats

I hate men who hit women - goes and hits women

 

This ^ happens a lot. So what is happening here then?

 

What pattern though? I have seen NOTHING from her post that indicates her boyfriend is saying one thing and doing another. It makes zero sense for you to be seeing "patterns" like that here. You are essentially saying that because some because might mask their own cheating with accusations..that any guy now who hates it is cheating? That makes no sense whatsoever.

 

That is the problem with the others saying this too. Of course yes, in life this CAN sometimes be the reason for this behavior, but it's not automatic nor is it even a 50/50 chance that is what is going on. So in the context of this thread is makes utterly zero sense to give as much credence to your theory as some were doing. So far, she has said nothing to make me think the guy is upset because he is a cheater as opposed to being upset because a dude he knew was getting treated like dog poo.

Edited April 24, 2014 by Spectre

[TheGuard13]

Well since the beginning I have been saying OP's boyfriend is over-reacting. It's between her and her friend. Why the heck would he care enough to call her room mate a slvt or a shvnk.

 

If I tell my bf that my friend cheated on her man he will say: damn really? wow! and that would be the end of it. He doesn't care about the drama in my friend's life.

 

Also people have tried to play the card that OP's boyfriend and room-mate's boyfriend were friends, no, he thought that guy was cool and got along with. He was not a friend, he just knew him as his girlfriend's roomate's boyfriend.

 

You know what I have discovered in my long life? That those who yells 'wolf' are often wolf themselves.

 

 

 

Exactly. Something to think about.

[Cpt]

What pattern though? I have seen NOTHING from her post that indicates her boyfriend is saying one thing and doing another. It makes zero sense for you to be seeing "patterns" like that here. You are essentially saying that because some because might mask their own cheating with accusations..that any guy now who hates it is cheating? That makes no sense whatsoever.

 

That is the problem with the others saying this too. Of course yes, in life this CAN sometimes be the reason for this behavior, but it's not automatic nor is it even a 50/50 chance that is what is going on. So in the context of this thread is makes utterly zero sense to give as much credence to your theory as some were doing. So far, she has said nothing to make me think the guy is upset because he is a cheater as opposed to being upset because a dude he knew was getting treated like dog poo.

 

Nah I meant that those who bark louder than what they are supposed to, are the ones who typically mask their (potential) bad behaviour. OP clarified that her bf was not going around doing this, so that discussion is finished I suppose. I hate cheating too, but if I made a bigger deal out of it than what I should, then I would be worried.

 

Do you see what we mean?

[kaylan]

^Just because you think OPs bf is making it too big of a deal, does not mean he thinks so or everyone else feels so. I think his response to the situation is just fine. If my girlfriend was crying around me about her cheating roommate, Id respond the same way...especially if the guy being cheated on was someone I thought was cool, and someone I have to hang out with during couples dates.

 

And like we already know, its not the first time the roommate has cheated. So no, the OPs boyfriends response is rather right for this situation considering the drama it creates for his own relationship.