Roommate cheated on her boyfriend, My boyfriend hates her now

[ThatMan]

Of course, everybody says like you before they are faced with actually having to tell a friend. You will be the first surprised how your very best buddy will turn on you with 'I don't believe you', or 'you're making a mistake.

 

We all can say we would do this and that but until we are faced with the actual dilemma we don't know how we would handle it.

 

I've been there before. We're still friends today.

 

I refuse to allow myself to be placed in the middle. When I was told by his girlfriend that she was cheating I simply told her, "This was none of my business and you shouldn't have told me. I'm not dancing around your dirty little secrets just because you say so."

 

So I told him because that's what I thought was the right thing for me to do. Could this have possibly ended our friendship? You bet. Could he has easily denied it? I counted on it. But I refused to allow myself to be placed in the middle and there are many ways to go about this. I could have easily refused to hang out with her, spend time in her apartment, and refuse to so much as speak to her. That is what the OP's current boyfriend is doing. He seems to be looking out for himself and his personal well-being. Good for him.

 

I've also known a married woman who was being cheated on by her husband. Everyone, many strangers, friends, her best friend all knew about the multiple affairs. She was the last person to find out the truth. She probably wouldn't have enjoyed hearing the news but it was something she needed to hear. What do you think happened in her life, with her circle of friends, the moment she finally discovered the affair alongside the knowledge that they already knew?

Edited April 22, 2014 by ThatMan

[TXGuy]

He just picked her up and they are on their way to his house. she is planning on telling him tonight.

on a side note , my boyfriend stopped talking to me. told me my whining about her gets on his nerves.

 

this is just great.

 

Don't worry too much. He will likely be back after the unnecessary drama has subsided. But I was really heartened to see that he stood up for himself.

[kaylan]

Op, just respect your boyfriends wishes and stop bringing up your roommate to him. Hes tried consoling you and just wants you guys to be separate of that drama.

[Goldenbrwn]

Op, just respect your boyfriends wishes and stop bringing up your roommate to him. Hes tried consoling you and just wants you guys to be separate of that drama.

 

I agree, I think your constant consoling of your friend is making him doubt whether you are someone who could do the same thing to him one day.

 

Maybe its irrational but what he probably wanted deep down was for you to be angrier at your friend than he is and to not have any empathy or sympathy for someone in that situation because it says to him that while you may say you disagree with her actions you don't think they are really that bad.

[lamaga]

Sounds like someone trying to skirt around doing the right thing. If my friend was being cheated on I would absolutely tell him, he deserves to know. He would know I have NO reason to lie to him, unless I had some prior relationship with the girl he is with.

 

I would want my friends to tell me if they knew my girl was stepping out, I would feel they owed me that. It might not be something I want to hear exactly, but it is something I NEED to hear. So yeah, a true friend? Would tell and not hide behind cowardice. See, me and my friends do not treat each other like crap. We'd never try to get with each others ex girlfriends, or something like that. So we would ALL know that if someone came and told us about cheating..they were doing it because they cared and were trying to look out for us.

 

 

It is not my or my boyfriend's task to tell my rookie's boyfriend that she cheated on him,it is for her to do.

I am not being cowardice for not telling him.

What the heck are you talking about?

It's not my relationship, it's hers. She needs to fix her own problems.

Its all bad enough how much she pulled me into this.

[lamaga]

Besides all that, she just came home.

She told him everything last night and they are trying to work it out, but it's difficult. I am proud of her for standing her woman.

 

On a sidenote, my boyfriend hasn't contacted me since he told me to stop whining yesterday evening.

I am quite shaken up.

[Emilia]

On a sidenote, my boyfriend hasn't contacted me since he told me to stop whining yesterday evening.

I am quite shaken up.

What have you learned from this situation OP?

[kaylan]

Besides all that, she just came home.

She told him everything last night and they are trying to work it out, but it's difficult. I am proud of her for standing her woman.

Based on what you said earlier, I didnt expect this guy to leave. Oh wells...thats on him. I feel you set a precedent if you stick around after someone breaks trust. Good luck to them I guess though.

 

On a sidenote, my boyfriend hasn't contacted me since he told me to stop whining yesterday evening.

I am quite shaken up.

A tad harsh, but needed, given the drama your roommates situation has brought you and your by.

[Gaeta]

Besides all that, she just came home.

She told him everything last night and they are trying to work it out, but it's difficult. I am proud of her for standing her woman.

 

On a sidenote, my boyfriend hasn't contacted me since he told me to stop whining yesterday evening.

I am quite shaken up.

 

I am glad your friend owned up to her actions. As for your boyfriend if I remember well it's not unusual for him to cut communication for short periods. Let him simmer. All you wanted was to devote some time to a friend going through a rough patch. You've been friend with this lady much longer than he's been your boyfriend. As for your boyfriend he's a man that cannot say 'I love you' back after almost 5 months dating....I would have had a hard time abandoning my best friend to please a man that is still half hearted in our relationship.

[ExpatInItaly]

Besides all that, she just came home.

She told him everything last night and they are trying to work it out, but it's difficult. I am proud of her for standing her woman.

 

On a sidenote, my boyfriend hasn't contacted me since he told me to stop whining yesterday evening.

I am quite shaken up.

 

Yikes. What are you going to do?

[letmoc]

I think you are a little too eager to please him. People may disagree but this situation has nothing to do with him. And the silent treatment is a major overreaction on his part.

[Chocolat]

I think you are a little too eager to please him. People may disagree but this situation has nothing to do with him. And the silent treatment is a major overreaction on his part.

 

 

The OP and her bf know the roommate's bf and see him socially.

 

Worse, the roommate cheated on her bf in the apartment she shares with the OP, while the OP and her bf were there. So it's pretty easy to see how the OPs bf feels part of the situation.

 

As for the silent treatment, I do agree that this is an immature response.

[lamaga]

The OP and her bf know the roommate's bf and see him socially.

 

Worse, the roommate cheated on her bf in the apartment she shares with the OP, while the OP and her bf were there. So it's pretty easy to see how the OPs bf feels part of the situation.

 

As for the silent treatment, I do agree that this is an immature response.

 

 

It's been 30 hours without contact. I am going crazy. I fear the worst. Usually he calls at least the next day in the late evening, even if he was mad at something.

[Chocolat]

It's been 30 hours without contact. I am going crazy. I fear the worst. Usually he calls at least the next day in the late evening, even if he was mad at something.

 

Have you tried to contact him?

[lamaga]

Have you tried to contact him?

 

No, I ALWAYS do that. I feel as if I should wait for him to get in touch.

It's always me going to apologise but at this point I don't see why Is hold apologise - I haven't done anything wrong.

[Spectre]

Of course, everybody says like you before they are faced with actually having to tell a friend. You will be the first surprised how your very best buddy will turn on you with 'I don't believe you', or 'you're making a mistake.

 

We all can say we would do this and that but until we are faced with the actual dilemma we don't know how we would handle it.

 

Sorry, but this all just sounds like more excuses to justify lying and skirting responsibility for your actions.

[Spectre]

Did you read the entire thread? This young woman never cheated before, and is now on her way to tell her boyfriend about it. She had a break down this weekend because she knew she had to tell him and she needed her friend the OP to tell her it was the right thing to do.

 

You guys are reading all kinds of things that are not there. Yes she cheated on her boyfriend. That was a few days ago, it was out of character for her, it's killing her and is breaking down, she is on her way to confess to her boyfriend.

 

It's a sad story but it's not the story of a slvt or a shvnk or a whvre cheating around with no guilt and telling people to shut up about it ....we're not watching the same movie.

 

You seem to be under the impression that slutty behavior goes away if you feel guilty about it. It doesn't. She feels guilt, okay? She proved she isn't completely emotionless. Thing is, nobody was saying she was emotionless in the first place. Feeling bad about doing something doesn't magically make it go away or render the act as having not been done.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's been 30 hours without contact. I am going crazy. I fear the worst. Usually he calls at least the next day in the late evening, even if he was mad at something.

 

At this point, he's being ridiculous. This is either an immature attempt at regaining the "power" in the situation or there is some deeper problem bothering him. Either way, he's dealing poorly with it. Not good.

[atlg8r]

So, regardless of my other opinions, I dated a man for seven years who would pull this kind of stunt. Whenever he got pissed at me, he would "punish" me by not talking to me, answering my calls/texts, etc. for some amount of time. And, if I tried to contact him, he would "extend" my "punishment."

 

Only now, when I'm finally in a good, healthy, mature relationship, do I realize how silly that is.

 

I can understand if he just wanted some time to decompress or whatever, but this seems a bit extreme. Not sure I'd want to be with someone like this who runs and hides from issues.

 

My current fiance can get upset, of course, but he will tell me he just doesn't feel like talking but that he loves me and he'll call me later. He never goes a day without telling me goodnight at least.

 

Sorry you are dealing with this.

[kaylan]

No, I ALWAYS do that. I feel as if I should wait for him to get in touch.

It's always me going to apologise but at this point I don't see why Is hold apologise - I haven't done anything wrong.

Agree.

 

I wouldnt cut contact with my gf over this situation. I might scale contact back to get my point across that I didnt want to keep talking about her roommate, but I wouldnt outright ignore her for more than a day.

 

Even when me and my ex were very rocky, and not talking much, she would text me twice saying "good morning, I love you" and "I love you, good night". Id always reply. We might not have talked all day because of problems we were having, but we would at least say that to each other.

 

Anyways, personally I dont ignore a girl unless shes definitely in the wrong and Im planning to scale back our relationship. In this situation you didnt do anything wrong. You may have been a bit annoying constantly talking about the roomie, but you didnt do anything bad...so your bf needs to grow up a bit.

Edited April 22, 2014 by kaylan

[hoping2heal]

It sounds like his resentments are shining through. He doesn't respect her for cheating and he probably damn sure doesn't respect her for deciding to hide it from her boyfriend.

 

If she were to fess up to her mistakes, he would probably be able to stomach her..or at least maybe?

 

He probably feels a bit of anger over the fact that he knows she did this to a guy he likes.

 

I feel for your boyfriend; rock and a hard place. I know she's your best friend but she is behaving very selfishly and while I don't exactly agree with him calling her bitch and slut, I can fully understand him being angry with her.

[Cpt]

Continue NC until he initiates. Stay strong.

 

If he contacts you, great.

 

If he doesn't, also great.

[lamaga]

I called him. We talked for an hour about everything and he was very sweet.

When I told him that my roommate's boyfriend didn't break up with her even though she told him the truth, he could hardly believe it. He said he believes that she would have deserved to be left by him, since she is a spoiled bitch, and that her BF is a pussy for staying with her. He said he would never ever accept it if I would do it. He said he didn't know what he'd do if I would do it. I told him that this has nothing to do with us and that I would never, ever cheat on him, ever!

 

We continued talking about fun things for an hour or so... things are better now between us, and I am glad, but still, I think it's not gonna just disappear, this whole dilemma...

[Eivuwan]

No, I ALWAYS do that. I feel as if I should wait for him to get in touch.

It's always me going to apologise but at this point I don't see why Is hold apologise - I haven't done anything wrong.

 

His behavior is not acceptable. If I were you, I would contact him not apologizing, but telling him that his way of dealing with things is inappropriate. If he doesn't respond, then well how long can you put up with this every time there is a disagreement?

[lamaga]

His behavior is not acceptable. If I were you, I would contact him not apologizing, but telling him that his way of dealing with things is inappropriate. If he doesn't respond, then well how long can you put up with this every time there is a disagreement?

 

I didn't apologize, but I called him to talk about the issue and he still stood by his belief but at least listened and said he realised that the way he went about things was stubborn. I think we will have a more in depth conversation about this in person within the next few days..