HappyxFaith Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 My 24 year old boyfriend of a year broke up with me 2 weeks ago (we were 4 months into LDR), and I was feeling pretty good with myself until literally JUST NOW. And then guilt kicked in. I read an article about men: "Remember: keep the balance of quality and quantity even. Be an endless fountain of romantic gesture, but consider turning it down at points. If your long distance lover sees a constant barrage of “I love you’s” and nothing else it will have a tendency to not mean much to them. This can also lead to a painful feeling of loneliness because you aren’t there to show her how much it is you love her. Pretend that she is standing in front of you. It would be incredibly awkward if you said “I love you” every 5 minutes for 2 weeks straight. Keeping that in mind, the same rules apply here. One decision that is out of your control is how she feels about you. Despite the litany of terrible emo songs that sport the lyrics “I am going to make you love me,” there is no way to do that. She has to be the one to give you the green light on love, and 1000 text messages that say that is intrusive and unnecessary. She is like a rose bush that needs to be watered, but if you drown her, then it’s done." In our long distance relationship, I think I might have just made him "lost attraction" for me in the relationship and got bored because he already had me when he needed to keep earning me. Because he didn't have much time (we spent 30 min a day talking, sometimes skipped days due to his work), I thought because I had all this love to give, that I thought it would be really meaningful to always remind him why I appreciated him, why I was grateful for what he's done for me, why I loved him, and why I've always loved him. And to me, that was trying my best because I thought that was effort and how it was supposed to be, because he was so far away, and I thought doing so would help both of us feel closer. (I've asked him about it before, and he never said he wasn't okay with it) And so I feel kind of guilty now for doing so. (I didn't text him "I love you" every single minute, but every time I had a sweet thought about him, I would) I just thought it would make the distance easier (we are halfway around the world) But I think he did take me for granted, and didn't put in the effort to sustain the relationship after the initial "butterflies" wore off, and I'm not sure if he took responsibility for the breakup, because I admitted that I was 50% of it, and told him what I thought was my only regret in the relationship. He just said: "But, I know you loved me with sincerity, and you are the best friend of me sharing one of the greatest memories in my life. Sometimes, we encounter a moment when we have to accept the reality, which we are not in favor of. I don't think it's a good idea to date you only with comfortable feelings and responsibility for the love you gave me. That was the hardest word to say because I could feel that you loved me so hard and I know how painful you would feel." And so I wondered if I did something wrong to make him lose interest in me. Because he said he "lost the physically attraction. He loved me like a sister or best friend. He felt really comfortable and familiar with me." And he said he felt really "guilty for not being able to return the love and effort I gave to him. And that he doesn't think he could ever give me his whole heart." My friends say that in order for him to appreciate what he had and really see what life is like without me, and have a chance to meet me because when he was with me in the US I was the only "option" (girl, friend, whatever) and the same when he went back to his hometown, but I thought because he got a new job and started meeting new people, all of a sudden there are "options" (girls, because he is really attractive, physically and personality wise) Could you guys give me some advice? Is it because he's young and terrified of commitment? (I mentioned getting married a couple of time, and told him I thought he was the one, but I always said not right now, or should I have just avoided it completely and just let our relationship run naturally?)
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