BC1980 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 You're right. She sent me another text yesterday saying she is in my area with her friend and she would like to meet up with me. I find it really really odd how she is trying to meet up with me AND her friend at the same time. I've held my ground and avoided contact. Seriously, after all those major breadcrumbs she sent me... I'm confused, I have that horrible feeling in my chest and I feel really upset with myself for even talking to her when she came to my door. It has only left me confused and not able to understand what is going on. Like...she thinks that its a good idea to meet with her and her friend while things clearly aren't okay? What the hell.... You might need to block her number at this point. As much as I know you might want to think she wants to reconcile or that you can get her to change her mind by seeing her, it's not going to happen. She's been incredibly self-serving this far in her reasons for contact. I honestly think she would tell you straight out if she wanted you back, and she hasn't done that. The problem is that you are only human, so you might respond to the crumbs at some point. No matter how strong you are, just a little hope can create a huge weakness when you don't suspect it. I know it's hard to block someone, but I don't think you can move on like this.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 I think blocking the number would be smart. She's obviously not going to do the decent thing and leave you be, so you have to be more proactive. You are doing a great job in resisting, but like BC said, even the strongest of us succumb when we allow temptation to have such easy access. It's time for you to cut off that access and block her number.
Author lauri Posted May 5, 2014 Author Posted May 5, 2014 Guys...I know what you are saying is right...seriously I do. The issue is I just don't understand why she would say ALL of those things, would even say lines like "I will make your heart mine again" when she saw me in person... I guess I don't understand why she is STILL trying 9 months after she ended it with me. Like it just doesn't add up...why would she try so hard if she doesn't want to be with me? Why show up at my door.... I don't know guys I just don't deserve this.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Guys...I know what you are saying is right...seriously I do. The issue is I just don't understand why she would say ALL of those things, would even say lines like "I will make your heart mine again" when she saw me in person... I guess I don't understand why she is STILL trying 9 months after she ended it with me. Like it just doesn't add up...why would she try so hard if she doesn't want to be with me? Why show up at my door.... I don't know guys I just don't deserve this. That's why you have to cut it off. You don't deserve this. And her words haven't exactly been forthcoming and genuine. She's saying a lot of things, but in all of those things are an element of game-playing. She isn't being honest or forthright and almost everything she has said to you has had a selfish "me, me, me" element to it. But dude, you need to block. Don't subject yourself to this torture. 2
BC1980 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 Guys...I know what you are saying is right...seriously I do. The issue is I just don't understand why she would say ALL of those things, would even say lines like "I will make your heart mine again" when she saw me in person... I guess I don't understand why she is STILL trying 9 months after she ended it with me. Like it just doesn't add up...why would she try so hard if she doesn't want to be with me? Why show up at my door.... I don't know guys I just don't deserve this. I don't even think she knows why she says those things. One thing I learned is that people behave differently in relationships. It seems like a simple concept, but it creates problems if you don't recognize it. Whereas you and I might never contact a person we had dumped, another person wouldn't necessarily do that. You and I might not play games with people, and we would be honest with our intentions. Other people may not be. I'm not saying those are bad people, but they don't operate the same way for whatever reason. I went through some of this with my ex. He would give the best/worst crumbs. Just enough to keep me hanging onto hope. I saw his actions from my way of thinking. I would never have said the things he said to someone I dumped. I wouldn't have given false hope like that. However, I had to realize that he isn't me, and he wasn't interested in reconciliation. Oh, he talked a big game, but he never came through. I kept waiting on him to put the final death nail in the coffin, but I had to do it in the end. I completely cut him off and have no intentions of answering him again, and that was completely my decision. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but I knew that it was the right thing to do for me. I had to start putting myself first because no one else was. 2
BC1980 Posted May 5, 2014 Posted May 5, 2014 The issue is I just don't understand why she would say ALL of those thing I bet that if you asked her to her face WHY she said those things, she wouldn't have a good answer. I also bet that the reason why has nothing to do with reconciling with you. 1
movingonnow1 Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I agree with everything that has been said above. If she was truly interested and honest, you would not be confused as much as you are. I do believe she is scared to admit to her faults and wants to push it under the rug, pretending it never happened. You DO NOT want to be around someone like that. Probably what is happening now is the guy(s) she left you for aren't even close to being who you are and bring anything near to what you bring to the table. You and I both know you aren't a 2nd option type of guy. If she shows up at your house again, be cool calm and collected (because I believe she will come again) and tell her politely to never talk to you again. You've done great and how you are feeling is completely normal - just keep yourself control and don't let yourself go through more pain then you need to. I'm positive because of how long you've stayed NC for that this will go away really fast if you take the right steps.
lolablue17 Posted May 6, 2014 Posted May 6, 2014 I guess I don't understand why she is STILL trying 9 months after she ended it with me. Like it just doesn't add up...why would she try so hard if she doesn't want to be with me? Why show up at my door.... I admire you and the way you handled the situation. You inspire me with you logic and senses. I think she is now being selfish like before. She comes to your house in order to rock your world - for what? Her offer was: "Lauri I allow you to waste your time waiting for me until i would kindly deside if I want you at all. and while I'm considering my options in life and while you're waiting, I allow you to entertain me and make me feel better." That what her offer is about! Disgusting. selfish. immature. 2
Author lauri Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) I admire you and the way you handled the situation. You inspire me with you logic and senses. I think she is now being selfish like before. She comes to your house in order to rock your world - for what? Her offer was: "Lauri I allow you to waste your time waiting for me until i would kindly deside if I want you at all. and while I'm considering my options in life and while you're waiting, I allow you to entertain me and make me feel better." That what her offer is about! Disgusting. selfish. immature. Thank you - I agree 100%. It clearly is all about her and that is exactly why she came to me. She even recently texted me as if everything is "okay" and asking random questions as if nothing happened before. I've continued to maintain NC, and now I'm at the point where I delete her messages before I even read them. I don't deserve this at all - if I do see her again I'm going to walk past her as if I don't know her. If I am cornered, I will tell her that she is the most selfish self serving person and that she does not deserve me in her life. This isn't worth my time but I can't help but feel hurt about everything that has occurred...and to think she is still doing this after 9 months to me is absolutely uncalled for. If she does text me again (because I don't know her number) I'll block her for good. I'm just worried she will show up at my house again...I don't want my parents to interact with her or have anything to do with this situation. The more I think about this the more hurt I become. I wish I just ignored her at my house. Edited May 7, 2014 by lauri 1
movingonnow1 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Thank you - I agree 100%. It clearly is all about her and that is exactly why she came to me. She even recently texted me as if everything is "okay" and asking random questions as if nothing happened before. I've continued to maintain NC, and now I'm at the point where I delete her messages before I even read them. I don't deserve this at all - if I do see her again I'm going to walk past her as if I don't know her. If I am cornered, I will tell her that she is the most selfish self serving person and that she does not deserve me in her life. This isn't worth my time but I can't help but feel hurt about everything that has occurred...and to think she is still doing this after 9 months to me is absolutely uncalled for. If she does text me again (because I don't know her number) I'll block her for good. I'm just worried she will show up at my house again...I don't want my parents to interact with her or have anything to do with this situation. The more I think about this the more hurt I become. I wish I just ignored her at my house. You have every right to feel hurt. You need to continue to protect yourself from anymore harm and the only way you can do it is by blocking her number. I'm really sorry this is happening to you...no one deserves everything you have been through. She feels guilty and the fact you talked to her in person made he "release" that guilt and now feels better about herself. She is no good...I dislike her tactics and what she is trying to put you through. I'm not saying she is evil on purpose but she clearly is all about herself only. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 You have every right to feel hurt. You need to continue to protect yourself from anymore harm and the only way you can do it is by blocking her number. I'm really sorry this is happening to you...no one deserves everything you have been through. She feels guilty and the fact you talked to her in person made he "release" that guilt and now feels better about herself. She is no good...I dislike her tactics and what she is trying to put you through. I'm not saying she is evil on purpose but she clearly is all about herself only. I agree, there's a layer of sketchiness to everything that she's doing -- doesn't come off as genuine. But yes lauri, block the number; there's no other recourse at this point. 1
lolablue17 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 This isn't worth my time but I can't help but feel hurt about everything that has occurred...and to think she is still doing this after 9 months to me is absolutely uncalled for. You are right but don't feel so hurt. Of course she is absolute selfish but you got your "victory". You can feel better because she regrets, and is trying her way back. It happens only because you maintained NC, so she is a little bother, like a fly, no more. you can smile knowing that you won, she lost. 1
Author lauri Posted May 7, 2014 Author Posted May 7, 2014 You are right but don't feel so hurt. Of course she is absolute selfish but you got your "victory". You can feel better because she regrets, and is trying her way back. It happens only because you maintained NC, so she is a little bother, like a fly, no more. you can smile knowing that you won, she lost. In a way, I feel like I LOST because I still talked to her when that opportunity arose. I feel like she thinks what she did is OKAY now and I'm not okay with that at all. I'm just disappointed how this all turned out..by no means would I ever get back with her but I just wish she would have been honest and real this one last time. Lots of NC and all I got is someone who thinks they are entitled to be apart of my life and is not really sorry for what they did.
KaliLove Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 Don't worry about whether or not she thinks what she did was ok..worry about the affect it will (or hopefully will NOT) have on you in the future. 2
lolablue17 Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 (edited) In a way, I feel like I LOST because I still talked to her when that opportunity arose. I feel like she thinks what she did is OKAY now and I'm not okay with that at all. I'm just disappointed how this all turned out..by no means would I ever get back with her but I just wish she would have been honest and real this one last time. Lots of NC and all I got is someone who thinks they are entitled to be apart of my life and is not really sorry for what they did. You won, that's a fact. you're the one who has control, not her. She's chasing after you desperately because she needs some control and you didn't let her have it. I totally belive her. She humiliated herself waiting at your door for nothing. she didnt accomplish anything. i'm sure she really misses you. I'm sure she is telling the truth about her wishing to find the spark. she believes in this stupid idea. She doesn't want to hurt you again so she wants to make sure that she really loves you and not to regret it soon after. But of course she doesn't understand the stupidity and selfishness of her attitude. You surely has shown a lot of dignity and quality here. Well done, man. Edited May 7, 2014 by lolablue17 2
Simon Phoenix Posted May 7, 2014 Posted May 7, 2014 In a way, I feel like I LOST because I still talked to her when that opportunity arose. I feel like she thinks what she did is OKAY now and I'm not okay with that at all. I'm just disappointed how this all turned out..by no means would I ever get back with her but I just wish she would have been honest and real this one last time. Lots of NC and all I got is someone who thinks they are entitled to be apart of my life and is not really sorry for what they did. Honestly, don't beat yourself up over that meeting. She surprised you and considering that she was flirting and playing little mind games, I think you did really well. 2
movingonnow1 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 (edited) You won, that's a fact. you're the one who has control, not her. She's chasing after you desperately because she needs some control and you didn't let her have it. I totally belive her. She humiliated herself waiting at your door for nothing. she didnt accomplish anything. i'm sure she really misses you. I'm sure she is telling the truth about her wishing to find the spark. she believes in this stupid idea. She doesn't want to hurt you again so she wants to make sure that she really loves you and not to regret it soon after. But of course she doesn't understand the stupidity and selfishness of her attitude. You surely has shown a lot of dignity and quality here. Well done, man. You actually think what she was saying was true? The reason why I ask is I don't want Lauri to get false hope meaning her intentions are to get back with him. Edited May 8, 2014 by movingonnow1
lolablue17 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 You actually think what she was saying was true? The reason why I ask is I don't want Lauri to get false hope meaning her intentions are to get back with him. I know a lot of nasty people totally convinced that they are the good guys. Most of the people i know draw a picture of reality, which in that picture they are pure. when she say "please stay around me until i decide", she's truly convinced she is doing him a favor because she is so adorable in her eyes. But of course she is so blind to see the real situation. I only meant that she "thinks" she is honest and great. So childish.
Author lauri Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 I know a lot of nasty people totally convinced that they are the good guys. Most of the people i know draw a picture of reality, which in that picture they are pure. when she say "please stay around me until i decide", she's truly convinced she is doing him a favor because she is so adorable in her eyes. But of course she is so blind to see the real situation. I only meant that she "thinks" she is honest and great. So childish. Very interesting. Well good news, she hasn't messaged me again since she asked me "Do I know if anyone wants a cat?"(which was the last text I deleted). She is going through any lengths to get my attention - it is kind of pathetic if you ask me. I am even embarrassed to write that text she wrote me on LS haha. I can fully see exactly what you are saying. She cannot get over the fact I do not want her and think she is a horrible person – every single guy I know of wanted her and thinks she is amazing, marriage material, etc. I think she is going through (or needs to) a significant maturing stage at this moment. When I saw her, she was telling me a lot of guys are creeps, other guys mean nothing to her and that she is comfortable with me (things that were said like this stick in my head – why would she say this?) I believe timing is everything – and the timing between the two of us is wrong. I just hope she matures from this experience and grows up, because I do not want any other guy to go through this. No one deserves to be put through the things I was put through with this girl – I know for a fact I have never been so hurt nor will I ever let myself be this hurt again. I’m just so disappointed that she would come back into my life without a purpose, a real reason and to only try to hurt me again.
movingonnow1 Posted May 8, 2014 Posted May 8, 2014 Very interesting. Well good news, she hasn't messaged me again since she asked me "Do I know if anyone wants a cat?" She texted you that....??? Wow. First she asked you to hang out with her AND her friend and now she is messaging you asking you to help her find a cat a home? I do not even know what to say...she came to your house for no reason it seems.
Author lauri Posted May 8, 2014 Author Posted May 8, 2014 She texted you that....??? Wow. First she asked you to hang out with her AND her friend and now she is messaging you asking you to help her find a cat a home? I do not even know what to say...she came to your house for no reason it seems. Don't remind me. lol This is going to take me a little while to get over this again. I almost feel like I'm back at sq.1.
BC1980 Posted May 9, 2014 Posted May 9, 2014 Don't worry about whether or not she thinks what she did was ok..worry about the affect it will (or hopefully will NOT) have on you in the future. I had to let this go too. I told my ex I forgave him at one point, but that's not really true now. The last thing I said was "no hard feelings." That's a lie too. I have such disgust for him and do not wish him well. He was beyond cruel to me with his mind games. I definitely wish he knew how I felt now, but I had go let it go. It's not worth it. 4
Author lauri Posted May 9, 2014 Author Posted May 9, 2014 I had to let this go too. I told my ex I forgave him at one point, but that's not really true now. The last thing I said was "no hard feelings." That's a lie too. I have such disgust for him and do not wish him well. He was beyond cruel to me with his mind games. I definitely wish he knew how I felt now, but I had go let it go. It's not worth it. Thanks - I agree...I have to just let it go. Luckily for me, I stood my ground and never forgave her. I will one day forgive her internally, but the more she does things like this the further she gets to that point. I will one day get to the point of indifference again, but NC has been a tool that allows me to stick up for myself and protect myself. I do not trust her and I will not let her gain any control over me.
Author lauri Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 (edited) My ex contacted me on a blocked number. I told her I'm going to hang up but she begged me to stay on the phone and hear her out. Honestly, I know I should have hung up...but I listened. She said to me: - Wants to be my friend and have me back in her life - Wishes I never left to work abroad - thinks we would have never broke up if I stayed - Misses the connection she had with me (said I was perfect), how our families were happy with both of us together and that she fully trusted me. She hasn't been able to find another guy like that at all - She is sorry for hurting me and letting me down - she misses me and isn't over me. Made some mentions to "people breakup and get back together" (common, we all know that she doesn't want to get back with me) - She doesn't know what she wants but she said she wants to be my friend because she doesn't want to lead me on. She is embarrassed about what she did and how it all happened - Kept asking for my forgiveness - Said that if I want her to never contact me again, she will respect my decision and not do it - She has a reason she broke up with me but she doesn't want to tell me because it would hurt me and she doesn't want to hurt me anymore - Wants us to be civil...she feels I'm an amazing person - Asked me to meet and talk in person this week This is exactly as many as you said it - she wants to make me be there so she can feel me out and see if she wants to be with me again. "Let me make her feel better" and then she can decide what she wants. I honestly do believe her when she said she cannot find someone like me...this isn't me being cocky or self centered at all. She told me she is looking back on everything and realizes how stupid she was and she told me all she does is talk about me to her friends. She misses me in her life - I'm not doubting that...but 99% sure as a friend. I'm not going to fall for her words - I told her straight up that I'm over her but I'm not willing to get involved with her back in my life because I do not trust her. Truth is guys, I'm scared to have her back in my life - and that's enough for me. There is always the risk of redeveloping feelings. I don't wish one bad thing to her, even though she hurt me really bad, and that I'm not talking to her because she plays games and she doesn't know what she wants. I left it saying I've never been so disappointed in someone in my life. I'm closing the door forever on her. Hopefully this is the end. Even if she doesn't want to, all she is going to implant is false hope. I do miss her though and wish she would prove me wrong, wish that we could have worked out but I cannot change the reality of my situation. I don't know if what I'm doing is right anymore...partly this feels like a "chance". I have to stick to my guns. Edited May 13, 2014 by lauri 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 So she basically blamed you for the breakup (because you had to work abroad), she says that the reason for your breakup still exists (which she doesn't want to tell you because it will hurt you while completely ignoring the fact that just talking around it will hurt you) and she basically told you that she needs you to forgive her? Honestly, and I don't normally say things like this, but f--k this b-tch. Seriously. I really hope that a) you told her never to contact her again when she gave you that out (though I doubt she'll keep her word on this because she doesn't really seem to care about anything other than her whims) and b) did not agree to meet with her face to face. I hope you told her how extremely inappropriate it is for her to keep invading your space and telling you this stuff. I feel for you man. On one hand you really want this person to grow up and change, but on the other hand you realize everything they are saying and doing is completely self-serving and layered in bulls--t. Most people wouldn't have the ability to dissect her motives the way you have and would be caught in a destructive off-and-on pattern with an ex like her. I know it's extremely uncomfortable and frustrating and part of you probably wonders "what if I did give in?" I'm guessing if you did, it'd be a hell of a lot more frustrating and nervewracking than it has been. Your ex is a flake, pure and simple. 3
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