BethBratson Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I'm new here and hope I can get some help with my question. Thank you all in advance. So it's been roughly 5 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. We dated for a little under 2 years. Since then I've found someone I feel like I'm more compatible. I haven't heard from him since. It's like he fell off the face of the planet. So a friend of mine met up with me and my ex came into the conversation. He is dating my friend's (the one I met up with) roommate... So long story short, his new girlfriend and him got onto the subject of past relationships between the two. My ex dated about 2-3 girls before I came in. While going through the list, he left me out. Not a single word. Look I'm not trying to sound entitled and that he should include me, but I would think if they are talking about something personal, he'd be truthful with her. Why do you think he did that?
Zahara Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I never understand dumpers who post asking why a dumpee would ignore their existence. You ended it with him. You have no right to question what he does. Whether he did it because he has chosen to shut you out because of pain or anger OR he just doesn't find significance in acknowledging you or the relationship, you'll never know the answer. And you do feel entitled because you want validation that you were important to him. 4
Trovador Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Maybe he legitimately forgot about you... it happens sometimes... 1
Million.to.1 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Its probably because you are friends with her roommate. Especially if it's a new relationship... he doesn't want her to worry about a recent ex still in the picture she might bump into through mutual friends. And if he is still recovering from the B/U, then he doesn't want her to question him about it and bring stuff up. And if your friend was around when they had this conversation and he knew she could hear it, he might have left you off knowing it would get back to you and hurt your feelings. Or he has shut you out of his mind due to still feeling hurt/ angry /embarrassed by the break-up. Either way.. you not's really a concern of yours as Zahara said... I'm sure in time, he will see your time together as significant and you an important part of his romantic history, but it's still reasonably fresh, you've moved on and he is still dealing with whatever he is feeling it in his own way. 1
lauri Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 So 2 years is insignificant? I'm asking this in a sincere way (seriously), why do you care? You found someone more compatible. You are apart of his past - I don't know how you ended it with him, but he moved on and isn't looking back. 2
STM206 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 It's all an ego stroke that you're looking for. You broke up with him, why should you be concerned if he mentioned you or not? Hell I'm sure he probably thinks you don't even think about him. 1
Trimmer Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 ILook I'm not trying to sound entitled and that he should include me, but I would think if they are talking about something personal, he'd be truthful with her. So "I'm not saying he should include me..." but then "I would think...he'd be truthful." In other words, you're saying he should include you. To recap the answers already noted above, without more detailed information from you about the relationship and how it ended: it may be more painful than he wants to acknowledge, he may find it a less significant relationship than the others, and/or my favorite: he doesn't want to get things all stirred up with his new date's roommate, your friend (who nonetheless took it upon herself to stir things up anyway, by bringing this to your attention.) So 2 years is insignificant? Now you're sounding defensive: you asked why he might have done this, with little supporting information, and yes, in the absence of better information, one of the brainstorming possibilities is that, for whatever reason, he's placing less significance on your relationship than the others. That doesn't mean that's the actual reason, and it doesn't mean that we are saying that 2 years is insignificant. (Incidentally, Zahara's answer was not "Your relationship was insignificant." It was: "...he may find less significance in acknowledging it...") We are doing what you asked: to hypothesize about the possible reasons someone might have left you out of his "list." You haven't given us a lot to go on, so you have to expect a wide range of possibilities. Don't kill the messenger. 2
Trimmer Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 To recap the answers already noted above, without more detailed information from you about the relationship and how it ended: it may be more painful than he wants to acknowledge, he may find it a less significant relationship than the others, and/or my favorite: he doesn't want to get things all stirred up with his new date's roommate, your friend (who nonetheless took it upon herself to stir things up anyway, by bringing this to your attention.) I just thought of a new one to add to the list: obviously your friend (new date's roommate) was in a position to overhear this conversation, and he was likely very aware of that. Is it possible that he left you "off the list" with the specific intent of drawing the attention of the roommate, knowing it was likely that she would bring this nugget of information back to you, i.e. with the actual intention of stirring things up himself? Striking a blow? If he knew the roommate was listening or overhearing the conversation, it's possible that it was a strategic omission, with a purpose behind it. Are you guys in middle-school, by any chance?
Million.to.1 Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I just thought of a new one to add to the list: obviously your friend (new date's roommate) was in a position to overhear this conversation, and he was likely very aware of that. Is it possible that he left you "off the list" with the specific intent of drawing the attention of the roommate, knowing it was likely that she would bring this nugget of information back to you, i.e. with the actual intention of stirring things up himself? Striking a blow? If he knew the roommate was listening or overhearing the conversation, it's possible that it was a strategic omission, with a purpose behind it. Are you guys in middle-school, by any chance? Are my posts invisible or something? I did say that already.
VeronicaRoss Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 So she wonders about why an ex is doing something -- where would LS be without that question in all its variety? Here's your answer: he's protecting his ego. And if you didn't know this before, he tells big, dumb lies that will come back to haunt him. I have an ex I paid for the only woodworking classes he ever took at a great school. We were working on our future together but I found out he was a cheat and dumped him. He's a very successful wood sculpture now. He doesn't even mention the school on his bio. He mentioned taking a few classes at another school from years before. It made me wonder if his wife even knew about our living together in another state for that time, who knows? So many people lie about their past -- feel good about dumping one of them. Let him live without interference from you, she'll find out soon enough and you don't want to be pulled into drama.
Author BethBratson Posted April 21, 2014 Author Posted April 21, 2014 If he knew the roommate was listening or overhearing the conversation, it's possible that it was a strategic omission, with a purpose behind it. Are you guys in middle-school, by any chance? No no. We're both in college. Knowing him though, I truly believe he wouldn't go out of his way to hurt me. Ex or not, he's one of the most mature people I know. I just have trouble coming to terms with his leaving me out of his history.
iDrumKing Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Here's your answer: he's protecting his ego. And if you didn't know this before, he tells big, dumb lies that will come back to haunt him. How does this make any sense? He simply left her out of the conversation... How does that convey that he's a liar in any way?
Ordinaryday Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 I'm new here and hope I can get some help with my question. Thank you all in advance. So it's been roughly 5 months since I broke up with my boyfriend. We dated for a little under 2 years. Since then I've found someone I feel like I'm more compatible. I haven't heard from him since. It's like he fell off the face of the planet. So a friend of mine met up with me and my ex came into the conversation. He is dating my friend's (the one I met up with) roommate... So long story short, his new girlfriend and him got onto the subject of past relationships between the two. My ex dated about 2-3 girls before I came in. While going through the list, he left me out. Not a single word. Look I'm not trying to sound entitled and that he should include me, but I would think if they are talking about something personal, he'd be truthful with her. Why do you think he did that? seriously, why do you care??? you dumped him, you HAVE NO RIGHT to know or ask about anything in his life, you gave up all those rights the moment you dumped him. he can say or do what he likes. if he chooses not to acknowledge you that is his right, as it was your right to dump him. as others said, it sounds like you just want an ego-boost by hearing that you were important to him, even though you dont want to be with him. thats just mean.
VeronicaRoss Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 How does this make any sense? He simply left her out of the conversation... How does that convey that he's a liar in any way? He lied by omission to his new gf.
iDrumKing Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 He lied by omission to his new gf. Doesn't matter... He most likely didn't find her of any significance so he left her out. Besides, we all know stories change as they are passed along. Unless the roommate of her's was IN the conversation with the ex, there are parts that she doesn't know about or misheard. She shouldn't even be in the conversation at that...
Simon Phoenix Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 No no. We're both in college. Knowing him though, I truly believe he wouldn't go out of his way to hurt me. Ex or not, he's one of the most mature people I know. I just have trouble coming to terms with his leaving me out of his history. Because you are being a brat. Why does it matter? You're with someone else, he's with someone else. Your wants and needs ceased to matter with him when you broke up with him. 2
Million.to.1 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Doesn't matter... He most likely didn't find her of any significance so he left her out. No one finds a 2 year relationship insignificant. Anyone who does is lying to themselves. Even if the relationship was bad, abusive or just casual, they are all significant in shaping who we are. Denying that 2 years of your life with someone you were physically and emotionally close to didn't happen means refusing to accept there was anything to learn from it. And there is something to learn from everything. We don't know why he didn't mention it, but my guess would be that he is still angry/hurting over the B/U and therefore is unable to accept his part in it, choosing instead to pretend it wasn't relevant to either hurt the OP, protect himself or both. Just because the OP was the dumper, doesn't mean that she has to cop abuse by dumpee's on loveshack looking for dumpers to take their hurt out on. Yes she was the dumper... but dumpers aren't all heartless meanies who stop caring about the person they dumped and are totally immune to feeling hurt by the actions of their ex. OP .. like i said earlier. He will in time see the relationship you had a significant when he has healed completely. This may even take some years and really isn't a concern of yours. If he wants to keep you a secret from his current.. that would say more to me about his feelings than if he could openly talk about it and accept it for what it was. If he was indifferent towards you, he would not have kept you off his list. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Also, since the friend's roommate is dating the OP's ex, I'm pretty sure she's aware of the OP's existence and her previous relationship with the guy she is dating. There's no reason for the OP's ex to bring up a girl that is already common knowledge. 1
lolablue17 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 (edited) 1. he is trying to hurt you. 2. He is trying to manipulate you. But you said NO NO NO... It's not "him". So after taking all those possibilities out of the equation, there's only last truth left: You are totally insignificant to him. I was glad to assist, on my way to another satisfied client. Edited April 22, 2014 by lolablue17
CadeYeager Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 1. he is trying to hurt you. 2. He is trying to manipulate you. But you said NO NO NO... It's not "him". So after taking all those possibilities out of the equation, there's only last truth left: You are totally insignificant to him. I was glad to assist, on my way to another satisfied client. He's not doing anything... He's living his life. Everyone here advocates going NC. In the OP's original post, she hasn't heard from him in months. It's obvious he went NC. If the dumb roommate would just mind her own business, the OP wouldn't even be feeling bad. OP your concern's are immature and unnecessary in my opinion. You dumped him, which relinquishes all standings with him. I'm sure the 2 years you two were together is significant to him, but he didn't want to pull out a can of worms while starting up a new relationship. 3
redbaron005 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 I would be interested too in why he left me off. I would do this for a few reasons, here in order by my likelihood: 1. I still had feelings for you and am still trying not to think of you and move on 2. I didn't want the conversation to be all about me 3. The girl cut me off before I got to you 4. I still haven't removed all of my stuff of you and I on social media, that needs to happen first 5. I'm keeping you as a backup, or double backup 6. I vowed to myself not to mention your name to heal 7. To hurt you via heresay via the roommate 8. I actually forgot Some of these were obviously already wisely mentioned. I'm a pretty private person so revealing all my ex's in a convo might not make me totally comfortable.
KatZee Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 It has nothing to do with him: a) being so hurt you dumped him, b) forgetting you exist, c) being spiteful, d) thinking you're insignificant or anything else people have listed here. Even though you're his ex, you're STILL connected. You're friends with the roommate. No guy will willingly walk into drama, especially with a new girl. He didn't mention you, because he doesn't want to hear the s.hit his new girlfriend would potentially say. There's no need for him to start up drama, or have his new girlfriend worry. So therefore, you don't exist. 2
CadeYeager Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 It has nothing to do with him: a) being so hurt you dumped him, b) forgetting you exist, c) being spiteful, d) thinking you're insignificant or anything else people have listed here. Even though you're his ex, you're STILL connected. You're friends with the roommate. No guy will willingly walk into drama, especially with a new girl. He didn't mention you, because he doesn't want to hear the s.hit his new girlfriend would potentially say. There's no need for him to start up drama, or have his new girlfriend worry. So therefore, you don't exist. ^^^^ Listen to this OP
Trimmer Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 Also, since the friend's roommate is dating the OP's ex, I'm pretty sure she's aware of the OP's existence and her previous relationship with the guy she is dating. There's no reason for the OP's ex to bring up a girl that is already common knowledge. As a matter of fact, this brings up yet another possibility: the roommate heard the conversation incompletely. Maybe - being that you are connected with the roommate and that this is likely common knowledge - you have already been discussed. Maybe they even talked about you at the outset of the relationship, as in "is it cool if we do this? It won't be weird because you went out with Beth, will it?" So unless the roommate was really recording and listening precisely to every word of this conversation, can you be sure the topic wasn't something like "here are the other girls I've gone out with..." (implying, "other than the one you already know about...") You seem to be assuming that you know - with great precision - exactly how that conversation happened and exactly what were the parameters of the discussion. However, you only know it through the ears and the filter of the roommate and whatever means she used to "overhear" or participate in that conversation. If that conduit is less than perfect, then you may be getting all up in arms without real cause...
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