Sundancev1 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 So my ex and I ( both 22) work together and after our breakup (she dumped me, ill be honest and say I was a dickhead after the breakup but didn't do anything out of the ordinary for breakups) she spread lies and rumors around the workplace while I was overseas. For 2 months I put up with people asking and accusing me of cheating, stealing and abusing when I didn't. I asked my ex numerous times to stop and she denied it over and over again and laughed about it. I finally had enough and printed of these harassing conversations and showed my bosses and asked them to speak to her. The spoke to her and her friends involved and now she is furious. She yelled out "leave me alone" and " thanks for telling work I harass you" in the middle of my college library. Now she avoids me like the plague and wont even look at me but still wont apologise. Is she mad ? sad? embarrassed ? can I fix it ? I really just want to end o better terms because she was so important to me. Thanks
KaliLove Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 She sounds like a super immature brat. I would do what you can to salvage your reputation and then leave it alone. 1
Chi townD Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 So my ex and I ( both 22) work together and after our breakup (she dumped me, ill be honest and say I was a dickhead after the breakup but didn't do anything out of the ordinary for breakups) she spread lies and rumors around the workplace while I was overseas. For 2 months I put up with people asking and accusing me of cheating, stealing and abusing when I didn't. I asked my ex numerous times to stop and she denied it over and over again and laughed about it. I finally had enough and printed of these harassing conversations and showed my bosses and asked them to speak to her. The spoke to her and her friends involved and now she is furious. She yelled out "leave me alone" and " thanks for telling work I harass you" in the middle of my college library. Now she avoids me like the plague and wont even look at me but still wont apologise. Is she mad ? sad? embarrassed ? can I fix it ? I really just want to end o better terms because she was so important to me. Thanks Now she avoids me like the plague and wont even look at me but still wont apologise. GOOD!!! It will make healing and moving on that much easier for you! I really just want to end o better terms because she was so important to me. Yeah, but the sad part is, you weren't that important to her if she was spreading lies about you and smearing your good name.
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 It is really sad to me that someone who is supposed to be your partner, would do things that would harm your reputation and hurt you. I don't know you, you say they are rumors but maybe you were a cheater and a liar and a thief - and it is still completely unprofessional to do what she did. But, sorry to get harsh there - I do give you the benefit of the doubt that they are just rumors. Personally, I don't know if I would have gotten my bosses involved or not depending on the stakes but what's done is done and if she had not been doing that crap in the first place it would not have blown up in her face. Way for her to take responsibility. You should feel bad for nothing, don't let her manipulation work on you. What she did was beyond horrible. Sullying someone's professional reputation is serious and who knows the consequences it could / could have created for you. She sounds very immature and childish and seems to have some growing up to do. You can do better than people who try to hurt you so severely on purpose.
somegoodman Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 The only way to fix things with women is to not try to fix things. Let that sink in and guide you in your future relationships, whether it is with your ex or not.
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 My ex and I had a bad breakup and it's been 5 months and is obvious she still has feelings for me. She dumped be also. I want to end on a good note with her. Is this following message good ? "I'm sending this message purely because of our past together. We shared some great memories and to me I think it's worth trying to sort things out between us. We've both moved and I think that since we have both cleared our minds that we owe it to our relationship to try and end better. I'm not expecting a reply and I'm not going to push this any further. I'm simply stating my intention to patch things up with someone I hold dearly in my heart. If you feel the same then great, if not then goodbye."
MidwestUSA Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 No, no, and and, finally, NO! You're broken up. She dumped you, but you somehow 'know' she has feelings for you? If she hasn't made an attempt to patch things up, that's all you need to know. It's not gonna happen. Don't delay your recovery. 3
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 I know this by the way she acts around me (we work together and same college). Plus her friends say so. Thank you that's all I needed to hear
Simon Phoenix Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 My ex and I had a bad breakup and it's been 5 months and is obvious she still has feelings for me. She dumped be also. I want to end on a good note with her. Is this following message good ? "I'm sending this message purely because of our past together. We shared some great memories and to me I think it's worth trying to sort things out between us. We've both moved and I think that since we have both cleared our minds that we owe it to our relationship to try and end better. I'm not expecting a reply and I'm not going to push this any further. I'm simply stating my intention to patch things up with someone I hold dearly in my heart. If you feel the same then great, if not then goodbye." I really hope you didn't send that.
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 I really hope you didn't send that. No I didn't. It was just a moment of weakness but I snapped out of it. I know she isn't worth it but my feelings are obviously still there and just need time to go away.
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) So my ex and I ( both 22) broke up in November and I went overseas for two months after that (had a bad breakup). When I got back I went into work (we work together) and people started asking and accusing me of lies such as stealing, lying, cheating ect. I found out my ex has been telling people these things. I confronted her and she denied it over and over again and laughed. I let it go for over a month and hoped it would go away. It didn't. So I finally had enough and asked her again to stop, in which she laughed and denied it. So I spoke to some friends and they told me to go speak to my boss about it. I asked my boss to speak to her. My boss spoke to her as well as others involved (didn't ask for that). I saw my ex at college a few days after and asked if she wanted to work things out in which she yelled out "thanks for telling work I harass you, leave me alone". She parks on other side of college now to avoid me. I feel I have hurt her and done wrong. Did I go too far or is she just making me feel bad ? I feel like I need to apologise. thank you Edited April 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merged threads.
Omei Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 No you got rid of her like you wanted now she's avoiding you, better than spreading lies. Congrats on your victory! Her boss prob told her she ither act professional in the workplace or get fired.
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 (edited) No you got rid of her like you wanted now she's avoiding you, better than spreading lies. Congrats on your victory! Her boss prob told her she ither act professional in the workplace or get fired. Thank you. I didn't want to get rid of her, I just wanted it to stop and she just kept lying and laughing. But now I feel bad. She dumped me by the way. Edited April 13, 2014 by Sundancev1
Ordinaryday Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 are you serious??? she has been spreading vicious lies and rumours about you, and then you simply take action to get it to stop and then she gets into trouble because of her own bad wrong actions... and now you want to apologise to her??? am I really reading this correctly? seriously?
Lifegoezon Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Assuming you've given the full story here she deserved to be in trouble and you should definitely not apologise. If right is on your side you hold your head up and look them all straight in the eye.
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 My ex and I both 22, we work together and go to the same college. We broke up November last year, she dumped me. Reason for breakup is because some guy told her I cheated on her (so happens that guys friend asked her out 1 month later) and she chose her long time FWB feelings over mine. Ever since then she has been cold, rude and spreading lies. She is still (5 months later) spreading lies to my friends and to people in the workplace. I tried talking to her numerous times over the past few months and asked her to stop in which she laughed and denied it every time (even sent her photos of conversations in which her friends were harassing me) and still denied. I finally had enough and asked my manager to speak to her. They did and now she is furious, avoids me, ignores me and wont try and work things out. After this she is still continuing to tell her friends at work about me and she has now even contacted my new partner with lies about me. What do I do ? is it the fact I caught her out that she's gone into hiding and trying to hurt me more ? Thank you.
bluegreen Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Human Resources Police Lawyer all in that order. Make sure she knows you will do it and mean it ... 2
David87 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Ignore her, smile when you pass by her. Prove her that the lies she tells don't affect you in any way and she will stop after a week or two I guarantee. She keeps telling lies because she sees how much that affects ....
Tressugar Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 These people are not to be played with. Protect yourself by any means possible. These people are not normal! 3
bluegreen Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 He is right this is not a joke its your life make sure you protect it
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 (edited) ****UPDATE**** I'm stuck. Its been 5 months since we broke up, although the ashes of the relationship are still settling. She told me the day we broke up that I had to choose between her (plus her long-time FWB to stay in her life. She knew I was uncomfortable with that because he loves her. Sending messages like I miss you, xoxo at 10pm and for over a year.) or we break up. She also believed a random guy that I cheated on her (another reason for breakup), so happens that the guys best mate asked her out a month later. She then started telling all my friends that I cheated and abused her. Her cousin and mother harassed and put me down saying how useless and miserable I made her life and everything I said was a lie. I couldn't handle it and went away for a few months to clear my head. I sent her a new years message after 2 months NC to hopefully start a friendship, my ex in return started rubbing in my face her new date, that she's never been happier and she was over me from day one. I came home and back to work (we work in the same store) and she spread lies there as well. Everyone started asking me about abusing, harassing and cheating. After all this she sent me snap chats with her in bikinis saying "you wish you were here". I don't know what to do. Ive tried so hard to fix things. I know I deserve better and I know I don't want her back. But why do I keep trying to fix things with her, I feel guilty and I feel so lost. Thanks for any advice. Edited April 16, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 Long story short my ex and I broke up in November. She left me. I went overseas for two months after breakup. My ex has spread lies to my entire friendship group, family, her family, my work colleagues (we work together) and this was all done while I was overseas and only just stoped a month ago due to me taking this problem to my manager (she went off at me for doing that because she still denies telling anyone anything even tho I have conversations printed off with all these lies from her friends saying she said it). When we broke up she said one reason she left me was because one or more of my friends was telling her everything I've done in my life (past partners and other things you do when young). I was so upset by this I wanted to know who said it, she confessed a few weeks later she made it up. But when I came back from overseas and talked to her about everything she again said that what my friend said was a contributing factor to why she dumped me. She still refuses to tell me what was said and who said it. I don't know what to do. I cant trust any of my friends because I don't know what to believe. Is there a motive to why she would make this up ? or could it be the truth ? if so why would she not tell me who it was. If she cared about me she would yes ?
Author Sundancev1 Posted April 22, 2014 Author Posted April 22, 2014 My ex and I both 22 have been broken up for nearly 6 months. 3months into the breakup her mother threatened me with police action because I apparently was abusing and harassing her daughter. My ex didn't know about this and was really upset about it and said she was sorry. Now just yesterday after nearly 2 months of LC (I work with ex so I cant NC, only ever say "hi") I get a harassing voice mail from a guy threatening to bash me if I don't leave her alone and other things (as we work and study at the same places I run into her a bit). What do I do here ? do I try and speak to my ex because she may not know about this ? (ex has refused to talk to me ever since I exposed her lies to our manager, she was spreading rumors and I was getting harassed by her work friends. Eventually printed them off and showed the manager.) Please help, thank you.
Author Sundancev1 Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 So my ex and I have been broken up for 9 months now. We are both 22, he dumped me and we work together and attend the same school. Since our breakup he has spread lies to my friends, family and work colleagues. This was in December/January, we broke up in November. I and heard all these rumors (work colleagues were harassing me about them, they were on his side) and I asked him to stop multiple times, he didn't and kept denying and laughing at me. I finally had enough and spoke to my manager and she ended up speaking to him and everyone involved. Few days later I ran into him and said can we talk and his response was "leave me alone". Since then we haven't spoke, around 1-2months. Tonight I was at a bar with mutual friends (work mates) as well as my friends and he happened to have come to the same place. While I was getting a drink he was telling all my friends (including work, friends and my new friends) that I stalked him (I dropped a box at her house a week after our breakup) and all his friends call me ****face and he told everyone to start calling me that. I tried to be nice and say hi and bye at the beginning and end of the night and he ignored me. I feel like absolute **** right now. I don't know what to do. Why is he spreading lies and trying to humiliate me 9 months after he dumped me ? he told me he was over me a week after the breakup.
Zahara Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Really, OP. He slandered you and treated you like crap and you tried to say hi at the beginning and bye at the end of the night. Have you heard the saying, "You teach people how to treat you." You've taught him that you're meek, a pushover and a glutton for punishment. You taught him that he can do whatever he wants to you and you'll validate his existence. He probably gets a rise out of jabbing at you because he knows he can affect you. And you have crap friends that engage with him and share in the drama. I can't believe your friends didn't stand up to him and shove him away. You need an overhaul -- new work environment, new friends and new found confidence and self-esteem.
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