Sending an Ex a Birthday Text/Email/Call Debate - Should I or Shouldn't I?

[Mr.Pine]

This post is for anyone debating whether or not to send their ex birthday wishes and congratulations. I'm here to tell you that, without a doubt, with no uncertainty, DO NOT. And I will show you why...

 

Many years ago, I dated a beautiful, confident, uber intelligent Germindian lady (half German-half Indian) for a few years. It was an interesting relationship that weathered many ups and downs. About 3 months before her 40th birthday (a big one in anyone's life, especially if you are female) we had a falling out and both went the NC route.

 

Her birthday came and went, with nary a peep out of me or a "what happened to my birthday wish?" from her. Until 2 weeks after her birthday, I received this text:

 

The Germindian: Why didn't you wish me a happy birthday? You know my 40th was a big deal for me!

 

Me: Who is this?

 

The Germindian: Stop being a douche-nozzle. You know who this is.

 

Me: Simple. We were broken up and didn't find a need.

 

The Germindian: Well, everyone wished me a happy birthday. All of my exes and even my ex-husband.

 

Me:I'm glad to hear it. You're very much loved. Good for you. May I ask why you are telling me this?

 

The Germindian:Because you were the only one that didn't contact me on my birthday.

 

So, there you have it folks. The less you do, the more they think about you. This is not to say they will stumble back into your arms if you ignore them on their birthday. What it does mean is that your absence speaks greater volumes than if you actually sent them a note, text or card.

 

NC is the place to be.

[mammasita]

Why did you even answer the text? You fed the ego anyway.

[Mr.Pine]

Why did you even answer the text? You fed the ego anyway.

 

You are missing the point. It's about the consideration of sending a birthday text/email/card. I could care less about her ego, or mine, for that matter. I was already over her the last time we split up.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

This post is for anyone debating whether or not to send their ex birthday wishes and congratulations. I'm here to tell you that, without a doubt, with no uncertainty, DO NOT. And I will show you why...

 

Many years ago, I dated a beautiful, confident, uber intelligent Germindian lady (half German-half Indian) for a few years. It was an interesting relationship that weathered many ups and downs. About 3 months before her 40th birthday (a big one in anyone's life, especially if you are female) we had a falling out and both went the NC route.

 

Her birthday came and went, with nary a peep out of me or a "what happened to my birthday wish?" from her. Until 2 weeks after her birthday, I received this text:

 

The Germindian: Why didn't you wish me a happy birthday? You know my 40th was a big deal for me!

 

Me: Who is this?

 

The Germindian: Stop being a douche-nozzle. You know who this is.

 

Me: Simple. We were broken up and didn't find a need.

 

The Germindian: Well, everyone wished me a happy birthday. All of my exes and even my ex-husband.

 

Me:I'm glad to hear it. You're very much loved. Good for you. May I ask why you are telling me this?

 

The Germindian:Because you were the only one that didn't contact me on my birthday.

 

So, there you have it folks. The less you do, the more they think about you. This is not to say they will stumble back into your arms if you ignore them on their birthday. What it does mean is that your absence speaks greater volumes than if you actually sent them a note, text or card.

 

NC is the place to be.

 

1st-You're advocating NC wrong. You dont use it to make them wonder what you're doing.

 

2nd- Why did you even answer? Thats not NC either.

[Mr.Pine]

1st-You're advocating NC wrong. You dont use it to make them wonder what you're doing.

 

2nd- Why did you even answer? Thats not NC either.

 

Again, you are not picking up what I am putting down.

 

Let's just forget NC and what it stands for for just a second. People on this site agonize over sending their exes a birthday wish. Should they or shouldn't they? They shouldn't.

 

I realize you might think I did a terrible thing by breaking NC to respond to her texts, but I thought it would be a good laugh, thus me beginning the conversation with "who is this?"

 

I am not advocating anything. Simply recalling a story.

 

I am beginning to think I should just shut my grille. NC is a fooking religion here, and a pox on those that ever break it for any reason.

[learning_slowly]

In fairness, she contacted him, and it was like she is collecting ex's, and he didn't play ball.

 

So although he shouldn't of been so bitter in his replies, sometimes the heart rules the head. Not ideal, but it could have been far worse.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Again, you are not picking up what I am putting down.

 

Let's just forget NC and what it stands for for just a second. People on this site agonize over sending their exes a birthday wish. Should they or shouldn't they? They shouldn't.

 

I realize you might think I did a terrible thing by breaking NC to respond to her texts, but I thought it would be a good laugh, thus me beginning the conversation with "who is this?"

 

I am not advocating anything. Simply recalling a story.

 

I am beginning to think I should just shut my grille. NC is a fooking religion here, and a pox on those that ever break it for any reason.

 

I hate when new users come on and say its a religion. Most annoying and untrue thing possible. I know what you're putting down. I see them a lot.

 

Yes, it was a dumb thing to break NC. A good laugh would be that she texted you in the first place. Going out of your way to try and be a tool to her wasnt a great idea. You're what 42? Sounds like something my nephew in HS would have done lol.

 

You just said you were madly in love with her a MONTH ago lol. Not fully healed there man. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She is just wondering why you are not answering. You answering AT ALL shows that you still are, no matter the response. She was tugging on the strings and you pulled. Thats why it wasnt a good move.

 

Breaking NC is to MOVE ON, not to illicit some reaction. Be the bigger person and just move on.

Edited April 20, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[Simon Phoenix]

Story would have been much better if you had just relayed her initial text and not gotten in a conversation about it. I get the point you are trying to make, but having that conversation/attempting to clown her took away from that point.

[Mr.Pine]

I hate when new users come on and say its a religion. Most annoying and untrue thing possible. I know what you're putting down. I see them a lot.

 

Yes, it was a dumb thing to break NC. A good laugh would be that she texted you in the first place. Going out of your way to try and be a tool to her wasnt a great idea. You're what 42? Sounds like something my nephew in HS would have done lol.

 

You just said you were madly in love with her a MONTH ago lol. Not fully healed there man. If she wanted to be with you, she would be. She is just wondering why you are not answering. You answering AT ALL shows that you still are, no matter the response. She was tugging on the strings and you pulled. Thats why it wasnt a good move.

 

Breaking NC is to MOVE ON, not to illicit some reaction. Be the bigger person and just move on.

 

Brother, you are indeed a confused human being. The Germindian was not the same girl. This happened years ago. When I responded to her text, I was already over her. I just recently broke up with another girl. That ended two months ago. It would be appreciated if you did some research before tearing me a new one.

 

And once again, you are not getting what I am saying. It's cool.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Brother, you are indeed a confused human being. The Germindian was not the same girl. This happened years ago. When I responded to her text, I was already over her. I just recently broke up with another girl. That ended two months ago. It would be appreciated if you did some research before tearing me a new one.

 

And once again, you are not getting what I am saying. It's cool.

 

So I got the who you were in love with part wrong. Should have noticed from when you said "years ago" I was just reading previous threads....You can take that part out then, but the MAIN part of your text convo you posted is still accurate. Like Simon said, trying to show someone up, especially the "who is this" part is pretty immature and takes away from your post.

 

Either way, its all moot. I'm just saying.

Edited April 20, 2014 by ConfusedHumanBeing

[BC1980]

Brother, you are indeed a confused human being. The Germindian was not the same girl. This happened years ago. When I responded to her text, I was already over her. I just recently broke up with another girl. That ended two months ago. It would be appreciated if you did some research before tearing me a new one.

 

And once again, you are not getting what I am saying. It's cool.

 

So if I am reading this correctly, you responded to this birthday text 4 months after you broke up, which was years ago. So the entire text exchange happened years ago? Why do you even still remember this? I would have simply not answered at all because you are feeding her ego. You are no better than her with the game playing.

[Mr.Pine]

So I got the who you were in love with part wrong. Should have noticed from when you said "years ago" I was just reading previous threads....You can take that part out then, but the MAIN part of your text convo you posted is still accurate. Like Simon said, trying to show someone up, especially the "who is this" part is pretty immature and takes away from your post. You say NC is the way to go because, more or less, absence will make them curious, is wrong.

 

I like how you tried to find the ONE part of my story that was false and honed in on that and ignoring everything else I said. Your overall post is reaching and pretty bad. Just my opinion.

 

So you're saying that people should break NC and wish their exes a birthday wish? Or are you saying that me responding to my ex in a childish fashion (humourous way to me) was the mistake?

 

If I were still in love with the Germindian when I responded to her text, it would have been no bueno. I get that. But my emotional vestment in her was nil at that point, thus the playful (immature to you) volley of text exchanges.

 

The bottom line is NC is the only way to go. I went NC after our last breakup because I was done with her. Not because I needed to heal. When she popped back into my life shortly after her birthday, I was just messing with her. And whilst messing, I made a discovery. NOT sending a birthday wish is the right thing to do.

 

Perhaps my post sends false hope. If that is the case, it was not my intention. I think that's possibly why so many people here are getting so up in arms.

[Mr.Pine]

So if I am reading this correctly, you responded to this birthday text 4 months after you broke up, which was years ago. So the entire text exchange happened years ago? Why do you even still remember this? I would have simply not answered at all because you are feeding her ego. You are no better than her with the game playing.

 

I remember many things from many years ago. I have quoted experiences from 20 or more years ago on this site.

 

Again, her ego being fed or being starved was not my intention. When I responded to her, I didn't care either way. Don't we advocate that we can respond to an ex if we have no emotional ties still vested? That we are completely over them so it's ok to respond. To respond, not to initiate.

 

Correct me if I am wrong...

[Simon Phoenix]

So you're saying that people should break NC and wish their exes a birthday wish? Or are you saying that me responding to my ex in a childish fashion (humourous way to me) was the mistake?

 

If I were still in love with the Germindian when I responded to her text, it would have been no bueno. I get that. But my emotional vestment in her was nil at that point, thus the playful (immature to you) volley of text exchanges.

 

The bottom line is NC is the only way to go. I went NC after our last breakup because I was done with her. Not because I needed to heal. When she popped back into my life shortly after her birthday, I was just messing with her. And whilst messing, I made a discovery. NOT sending a birthday wish is the right thing to do.

 

Perhaps my post sends false hope. If that is the case, it was not my intention. I think that's possibly why so many people here are getting so up in arms.

 

I don't think it gives false hope. I think your "messing with her" undermined the initial message, which was a good one. I'm not up in arms, you just deconstructed your argument with that pointless conversation with her. Whether or not you thought you were joking around, it came off as petty.

[Simon Phoenix]

I remember many things from many years ago. I have quoted experiences from 20 or more years ago on this site.

 

Again, her ego being fed or being starved was not my intention. When I responded to her, I didn't care either way. Don't we advocate that we can respond to an ex if we have no emotional ties still vested? That we are completely over them so it's ok to respond. To respond, not to initiate.

 

Correct me if I am wrong...

 

You can if you choose, but it's usually pointless. And no one advocates answering them to try to mock them or rub their face in it. That's something I would have done when I was a teenager, not as an adult.

[Mr.Pine]

You can if you choose, but it's usually pointless. And no one advocates answering them to try to mock them or rub their face in it. That's something I would have done when I was a teenager, not as an adult.

 

Then you haven't lived life, my friend. Mocking people (who deserve it) late into life is so refreshing and enjoyable.

 

Try it. You might like it. Hell, start with me!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

So you're saying that people should break NC and wish their exes a birthday wish? Or are you saying that me responding to my ex in a childish fashion (humourous way to me) was the mistake?

 

If I were still in love with the Germindian when I responded to her text, it would have been no bueno. I get that. But my emotional vestment in her was nil at that point, thus the playful (immature to you) volley of text exchanges.

 

The bottom line is NC is the only way to go. I went NC after our last breakup because I was done with her. Not because I needed to heal. When she popped back into my life shortly after her birthday, I was just messing with her. And whilst messing, I made a discovery. NOT sending a birthday wish is the right thing to do.

 

Perhaps my post sends false hope. If that is the case, it was not my intention. I think that's possibly why so many people here are getting so up in arms.

 

Since I misread the post originally....talking to an ex after a LONG time and both feelings have passed isnt the worst idea especially if feelings are done. Usually that takes a while for that to happen. Sounds that after only four months, that wasnt anywhere near enough time, but I guess thats for you to decide if you were fully over it. Her messaging you after four months and after a BD says to me she was tugging the leash to see if you were still there.

 

My whole thing came from the response to her text. What you take has playing around looks pretty douche-like in text form haha. If it were me, I'd let sleeping dogs lie.

 

With most people on here, they are looking for ANY sort of wormhole to try and communicate with their ex. Basically, they want permission to contact. When they hear the things that are against that, they get mad and will find other things to justify why they want to. "Oh, well you say NC, but you dont know her like I do. Plus, she said I didnt pay attention to her enough, so I should do it now" type things. I see what you were saying with your post, I just want to make sure people know that NC is not to make them wonder what you're doing.

[Simon Phoenix]

Then you haven't lived life, my friend. Mocking people (who deserve it) late into life is so petty and juvenile

 

Fixed for accuracy.

[Mr.Pine]

Since I misread the post originally....talking to an ex after a LONG time and both feelings have passed isnt the worst idea especially if feelings are done. Usually that takes a while for that to happen. Sounds that after only four months, that wasnt anywhere near enough time, but I guess thats for you to decide if you were fully over it. Her messaging you after four months and after a BD says to me she was tugging the leash to see if you were still there.

 

My whole thing came from the response to her text. What you take has playing around looks pretty douche-like in text form haha. If it were me, I'd let sleeping dogs lie.

 

With most people on here, they are looking for ANY sort of wormhole to try and communicate with their ex. Basically, they want permission to contact. When they hear the things that are against that, they get mad and will find other things to justify why they want to. "Oh, well you say NC, but you dont know her like I do. Plus, she said I didnt pay attention to her enough, so I should do it now" type things. I see what you were saying with your post, I just want to make sure people know that NC is not to make them wonder what you're doing.

 

And I realized that after the first few responses. It looks like I am advocating NC during a birthday to get them to call or text you back wondering why. Again, that was not my intention.

 

If you have read any of my posts, I am always, 100% behind NC. All the way to the bank and back. My post was supposed to be funny because I didn't care anymore about my ex at the time. I guess what I deemed funny could be seen as something entirely different by someone else.

 

I enjoy this forum. I have received and doled out some interesting and helpful advice. I don't want my initial post to poison my contributions.

[Mr.Pine]

Fixed for accuracy.

 

Let the mocking begin!

[Mr.Pine]

3. Most important reason, I don't want to confuse, get in the way or give false hope to the dumpees who do not have my experience or maturity. A lot of the dumpees read into every situation from other posters and their Exes and try to apply / justify it in their own situation.

 

My advice... People won't believe / understand you, your Ex and how you react / respond or handle the situation so don't post about it. Unless you want to deal with getting responses like you are now.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with your number 3. My amusing anecdote will probably be taken to heart (and completely out of context) and used incorrectly.

 

And I can deal with getting any kind of response. This is an open forum. I put myself out there, and I fully realize some will agree and some won't.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Yes... There are a bunch of Nazi NC people on here but you have to consider the audience. Even I am a Nazi NC person depending on who I am talking too.

 

1. Most people here are young, inexperienced and this is their first break up.

 

2. Most have little or no control over their emotions or thoughts (just like you and I did when we were their age).

 

3. Unlike you and I, any communication from / with an Ex puts them into a tailspin which takes days or weeks to process or pull out of.

 

I'm a similar age as you and I have had my last Ex reach out numerous times including my Birthday and hers for the last 4+ years. Like you, I respond in kind and have to explain in a nice way why I don't reach out, why I don't wish her happy birthday, why I don't want to be her friend, etc.

 

Difference between you and I, I don't need to share or post about it here because...

 

1. I don't have the need / desire too.

 

2. I am not affected by it and when I was affected years ago I was in control of my emotions and thoughts, didn't read into things or say things I would later regret.

 

3. Most important reason, I don't want to confuse, get in the way or give false hope to the dumpees who do not have my experience or maturity. A lot of the dumpees read into every situation from other posters and their Exes and try to apply / justify it in their own situation.

 

My advice... People won't believe / understand you, your Ex and how you react / respond or handle the situation so don't post about it. Unless you want to deal with getting responses like you are now.

 

I respect your opinion, but it sounds like your only banking is "I'm older so my opinions are more valid."

 

I know an incredible amount of people in their 40's, 50's, etc that are INCREDIBLY stupid and wouldnt know relationships if it smacked them in the head. I also know early 20's who do the same thing. I dont think its an age thing really at least on here. Age goes hand in hand with experience and I get that obviously, but there are actually a large majority of people on here that are older and been through a LOT of relationships. I dont know...just seems kinda odd.

 

No disrespect, just saying

[okc85]

This thread annoys me.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

This thread annoys me.

 

lol in-depth post.

[okc85]

lol in-depth post.

 

 

haha. I hate the ageism. I'm also struggling with no-contact at the moment, and hearing people say, that it is just something young people struggle with made me sad. I don't exactly consider myself young (28) and whenever I do hear from my ex, it does send me into a bit of a tailspin. So I went into no-contact mode. I fought it for awhile. I felt so PATHETIC that I had to resort to no-contact. But each day feels slightly more hopeful.