Don't think this no contact will work.

[thirdxeyexblind]

I know it wasn''t that long. But I just felt really serious yknow.. my last relationship was a lot longer but I was unwilling to get intimate in it.

I lost my v card to this current guy and really angry that I did now.

I just had very intense feelings, and he also said he never felt like this before.

You live and learn. I wont try to contact, I guess I was looking on here

to check if ive really ruined it for good, seems I have & fully believe everyone now. Which makes it easier to move on. I'm sure I will in time, maybe regret for quite a long time.

[thirdxeyexblind]

Thanks Bluegreen. Ive not drank since. I never knew drinking could be such a problem, then i finally realised all the probs stem from it.

sober for 2 weeks now , I used to drink heavily most nights. Early days tho, but I will continue.

[bluegreen]

Doll we speak from experience as a girl I been in break up scenario as well.

We all did some of us are here for long time so we sort of try to "coach" new members trough this just as others did for us.

We can't break up future or make it for you maybe miracle will happen maybe he will turn his head away from you next time he sees you we have no clue.

That's why NC is so important it gives BOTH people options

So keep doing what you are hope for best and prepare for worst if it means anything I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

 

 

 

Don't do anything foolish ANYTHING foolish you do

makes it sure he is gone for absolute 100 % good.

No hooking up no drinking no acting insane behave if you want him that bad?

 

 

 

If all fails above will help that sometimes in future you meet someone new

quality new ....

[Simon Phoenix]

I know it wasn''t that long. But I just felt really serious yknow.. my last relationship was a lot longer but I was unwilling to get intimate in it.

I lost my v card to this current guy and really angry that I did now.

I just had very intense feelings, and he also said he never felt like this before.

You live and learn. I wont try to contact, I guess I was looking on here

to check if ive really ruined it for good, seems I have & fully believe everyone now. Which makes it easier to move on. I'm sure I will in time, maybe regret for quite a long time.

 

Relationships are a two-way street. You might have had the intense feelings, but if he didn't, there's nothing you can do to control that. As for the "v-card" thing, I don't know why you are mad about that. It's not like he did the "pump and dump" on you, he was there until you unleashed a ridiculous amount of crazy on him.

 

Either way, this can be a great learning experience if you allow it to be.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Thanks Bluegreen. Ive not drank since. I never knew drinking could be such a problem, then i finally realised all the probs stem from it.

sober for 2 weeks now , I used to drink heavily most nights. Early days tho, but I will continue.

 

I like your responsibility factor....with that said, I dont think alcohol is the problem, especially when drinking responsibly. I think holding yourself to a higher standard is where it's at. You dont like the way it went down? Just try harder next time to get it right. Do we think this guy is the end all be all for you? Absolutely not. You are WAY too young to feel like love is over.

 

You'll be fine. Time heals everything. Work on yourself and things get better.

[thirdxeyexblind]

I won't be holding onto any hope of him being back after this.

Going to carry on with going to the gym, getting in shape, carry on with being sober for a bit. & try and quit smoking too. Like I said, I am going away tomorrow & have some stuff planned for when I get back so that'll sure take my mind off it at least a little.

It would be nice to hear from him just as a friend tho, but I suspect he's prob moved on and gone for the 'dead to me' option.

 

I think he did have strong feelings for me, he begged to keep some of my stuff I left before he never got in contact again, for memories.

But love, no. I doubt it. Hopefully he will find someone nice eventually, i have no right to wish the worst!

 

I did a lot of crazy stuff before this in the relationship also , sadly. But he used to cut some slack as my dad passed before I got into the relationship. I guess theres only so much one can take!

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I won't be holding onto any hope of him being back after this.

Going to carry on with going to the gym, getting in shape, carry on with being sober for a bit. & try and quit smoking too. Like I said, I am going away tomorrow & have some stuff planned for when I get back so that'll sure take my mind off it at least a little.

It would be nice to hear from him just as a friend tho, but I suspect he's prob moved on and gone for the 'dead to me' option.

 

I think he did have strong feelings for me, he begged to keep some of my stuff I left before he never got in contact again, for memories.

But love, no. I doubt it. Hopefully he will find someone nice eventually, i have no right to wish the worst!

 

I did a lot of crazy stuff before this in the relationship also , sadly. But he used to cut some slack as my dad passed before I got into the relationship. I guess theres only so much one can take!

 

Seems like you've had a pretty rough year or two. Life keeps piling it on sometimes. I'm sorry to hear about your father. You have a good head on your shoulders and made some pretty big mistakes. We've all done some dumb things in heartbreak.

 

One day at a time.

[thirdxeyexblind]

Confused on how I feel right now. I felt all ready to accept it earlier, now the thought kills me that ive done it.

Urgh

Either way don't worry guys, I shant be doing any contacting! I have will power.

[KaliLove]

ThirdEyeBlind..quit putting yourself down! You seem like a lovely girl. I think you're going to be just fine. You'll meet someone who you're more compatible with. Like I said before, 22 is way too young to give up on anything. You have plenty of time.

[thirdxeyexblind]

Thanks. I hope I look back at it all & see the humour in the situation and realise it was the best!

He wasnt totally perfect, he drank drove on the reg, drove stupidly & speeding with me in the car & was always harrassing me to lose weight, which he made out was for health reasons. I'm a bit chubby but not grossly overweight. & of course tried to get me to stop speaking this guy friend.

Doesn't seem like a healthy relationship anyway

[Leigh 87]

You screwed up. Once a girl acts like you did, guys tend to assume you are "crazy" or "too weird". Guys rarely let you live it down if it is early in the dating process. I used to act a bit loopy with men as I just wasn't aware of a lot of social norms. I have had the same thing happen to me as well.

I never did anything THAT crazy, on a grandiose scale. But it takes very little to turn a guy off.

 

A bit of drunk babbling, your friends prank calling him.... This alone is well enough to turn a guy off if you are only months into the dating process.

The fact you said the name of your best male friend alone, without the drunk babbling and the prank calling?

 

HE MIGHT have been into you enough to overlook it.

Learn for next time and STOP wasting time even thinking about whether or not there is a chance of getting this guy back.

They never come back once you weird them out usually unless they were SUPER into you and totally head over heels for you....

 

Sorry this happened to you, I have been in the same position before.

[Leigh 87]

I also wanted to add that I also suffered from social problems that I have been able to remedy and I now have a handful of decent, genuine friends in my area alone.

 

My social problems hindered my dating life. Guys would like our initial conversation, I have always been good at interviews (told by my interviewers), but then afterwards the guys would be put off by the fact I was slightly different. I did not do or say the same things as most other people "they knew".

 

I did a few weird things to about 2 guys, 3 including my ex; as much of a jerk as he was to me, he could see I had issues relating to people socially and he felt compelled to help me, he wants expecting a relationship to come out of it.

 

Trust me, I did every weird thing in the book once I HAD a guy, long term... I had to interact with his friends which proved to be a disaster (and they were cruel people to begin with), and yeah, I made a lot of progress by getting feedback from my ex. He would tell me if I did or said anything weird. After my bf and then a short lived fling after, I have yet to revert back to .. doing anything remotely weird since. How self aware are you? I always "knew" when I said or did anything off, that people would think was "different".

 

Something to REALLY consider: people with social problems should not drink, or at least not get drunk around people. Getting a little tipsy is fine but it sounds to me like you cannot hold your liquor...

I found an ex who was willing to take on a girl with social problems, and many good friends since.

 

It took me a good.... HANDFUL of more of romantic interests, plus a FEW more FWB gone wrong, between my LAST relationship and the point where I could enter into a healthy new relationship.

I really needed to learn more about men after my ex and how I interacted with them; my ex tolerated the fact I was different and he even loved that about me. Other guys? Yeah, not so much:o

 

I am 27 so you have a lot to learn at your young age, most people are not truly ready to settle down until their mid 20's at he earliest....

[thirdxeyexblind]

Hi Leigh. It's cool to be a little quirky, some people like it!

It's nice of your ex to guide you as well, I can't be arsed with that . Im unwilling to not be myself a lot of the time!

Oh I'm usually more normal when drunk, people like me better that way ha! I am not the type who starts saying ''I see dead people'' or something random/weird when drunk.

 

Guys, Ive done something stupid by getting in contact after day 15 (I think) and was being stupid. He ended up texting my mum to get me to stop. I felt like a kid.

I ended up pouring my heart out and telling him how I really feel & why I do this stupid stuff, and he said he isn't over me & that it's been really hard and that he thinks of me everyday still, but its how it has to be.

 

and he'd like me to chat to him anytime I want. We were having a long conversation, and all of a sudden hme stopped replying, and Ive started checking my phonw all the time and have no idea what I'm doing. Or what I'm expecting.

 

I really need advice as I dunno if this is healthy for me but I'm so attached and really like him???

[Simon Phoenix]

Hi Leigh. It's cool to be a little quirky, some people like it!

It's nice of your ex to guide you as well, I can't be arsed with that . Im unwilling to not be myself a lot of the time!

Oh I'm usually more normal when drunk, people like me better that way ha! I am not the type who starts saying ''I see dead people'' or something random/weird when drunk.

 

Guys, Ive done something stupid by getting in contact after day 15 (I think) and was being stupid. He ended up texting my mum to get me to stop. I felt like a kid.

I ended up pouring my heart out and telling him how I really feel & why I do this stupid stuff, and he said he isn't over me & that it's been really hard and that he thinks of me everyday still, but its how it has to be.

 

and he'd like me to chat to him anytime I want. We were having a long conversation, and all of a sudden hme stopped replying, and Ive started checking my phonw all the time and have no idea what I'm doing. Or what I'm expecting.

 

I really need advice as I dunno if this is healthy for me but I'm so attached and really like him???

 

Ugh at this whole message. He had to tell your mom to get you to stop, doesn't that strike you as a problem? STOP TALKING TO HIM!

[thirdxeyexblind]

I only contacted once before he text my mum telling her! And he soon changed his tune and wanted to be friends and was being nice, I havent been calling him 20 times a day at all!!

[Simon Phoenix]

I only contacted once before he text my mum telling her! And he soon changed his tune and wanted to be friends and was being nice, I havent been calling him 20 times a day at all!!

 

One time is one time too many. It's time for you to learn self-discipline.

[BC1980]

You have to stop this. When someone tells you to stop, you don't keep contacting them. That is beneath you.

[thirdxeyexblind]

he's said he'd like to be friends and we were just talking normally as friends, having a random politics debate, then all of a sudden he stops replying. :|:|

[Simon Phoenix]

he's said he'd like to be friends and we were just talking normally as friends, having a random politics debate, then all of a sudden he stops replying. :|:|

 

He's saying that to be nice. Stop being foolish and chasing him. Please listen to what posters are telling you. What you are doing is just not smart. You'll either have another dramatic blowup or you are just going to make yourself miserable trying to figure out what he's thinking and hoping for him to make a move he probably won't make.

 

Please listen to posters and please stop this behavior. No more contacting. And I don't want to hear any more excuses.

[thirdxeyexblind]

You're probably right. I find it difficult to break emotional attachments.

I never checked my phone as I knew he wouldnt be in contact, but since we have, Ive been stresssing out about him not replying to a text all day.

What if he finally responds? do I just ignore, or what?

[Simon Phoenix]

You're probably right. I find it difficult to break emotional attachments.

I never checked my phone as I knew he wouldnt be in contact, but since we have, Ive been stresssing out about him not replying to a text all day.

What if he finally responds? do I just ignore, or what?

 

Yes, unless you want to spend the rest of your life constantly checking your phone to see if he's going to respond to your response, and then spending the rest of your time trying to decipher hidden meanings from his response and wondering if you sent the right response. That's a pretty awful, stressful way to spend your time.

[thirdxeyexblind]

I am highly stressed about this, he has been leading me on if this is the case as hes been saying he couldn't stop thinking about me.

Ive been going on tons of trips, doing stuff Ive always wanted to do yet I still cant get him out of my head 24/7 it tortures me. I didnt contact for 2 weeks but I couldnt manage, now I feel back to square one.

Tho what I was doing before didnt seem to be working either.

 

I agree this is very unhealthy, i hate games and I just like being honest and too open, but my friends have been telling me to ignore or be really aloof , but its not genuine really is it

my one friend says relationships are just a psychological game between two people, seems thats true.

 

the thought of other people in the future makes me sick, i feel hes the only one ill ever click properly with. Ive never been like tihis with anyone before!! its always been the other way round.

I feel totally pathetic with how much im struggling not to anticipate his reply so much.

[Simon Phoenix]

He didn't lead you on at all, he only said that because you contacted him. He probably felt bad for you and wanted to say something to avoid awkwardness. Had you kept No Contact like you were supposed to, you wouldn't have been "led on". I'm sorry, but this whole thing was your fault for being weak and chasing.

 

And you aren't in a relationship with this guy. The sooner you realize this, the better off you'll be. Of course you aren't supposed to be aloof in a relationship, BUT YOU AREN'T IN A RELATIONSHIP! YOU ARE BROKEN UP! I typed that in capital letters because you don't seem to get it.

 

That's why you shouldn't contact. I know you are going to keep arguing this until you are blue in the face, but you are just hurting yourself by your behavior right now.

 

And two weeks is not very long at all. Of course it's sucked -- it's supposed to suck. But if you keep with it and stop caving and begging and just being clingy, it will get better. But every time you fold and contact, you reset your recovery, as you are figuring out now.

 

But you really need to stop talking to him. You are going to drive yourself insane if you keep acting like a weakling.

[thirdxeyexblind]

I think I do feel as tho I'm in a relationship with him and that this is just a silly fall out and we will be back together.

dunno why I am deluding myself.

ok , 2 weeks is nothing, it felt like a LOT longer.

i am so angry he had to contact my mum which he clearly did to embarrass me as it seems a bit dramatic after only contacting him twice in the just over 3 weeks we've split up, I suppose its cus I was an idiot rather a mature adult, both times, but i still feel he could just leave it at blocking me.

perhaps he is getting a kick , thinking he has a fan now.

 

Im not the type who will harrass daily tho

[thirdxeyexblind]

If he asked me back out I wouldnt do it because of how hes been so not bothered.

thats what makes it confusibng why i am bothering