hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Now as u know I have been reading a wonderful book called “women who think too much” and it has me made bounds and leaps with over coming my insecurities and over thinking everything in my relationship (as well as my health and job). What I have been know do is over think if he is in a bad mood, or gets annoyed say one day, or we just are having a bad day I snowball anything from, he is going to leave me to hes cheating me. Well so far so good…..im feeling very good about myself and today he is n a bad mood and got grumpy with me and for the first time in a loooong time I didn’t overthink it I went on having my good day. I knew I had to do something about it cause I keep drilling him on would he cheat and how come I get his vm or where is he some nights and its cause I overthink it to death and think he is with someone else….no cause he in to trustworthy but my own issues. I have yet to figure out the different between intuition and insecurity.... Anyways back to my topic…..so say he is crusty one day and im working on this revelation of mine to stop over thinking…does it make me a bad gf to choose not to answer the phone, even though I can talk, just as a thing for myself so I can call him when I feel I want to talk (im the one always making plans, or seeming needy or always answering the phone)dotn want to answer and overthink his mood so I just think I need to do things on my terms make him realize I don’t NEED him persay all the time (do u get what I mean) I hope u guys understand what I am saying. Im doing so well with this and sometimes I catch myself almost slipping through the cracks. Ast night I called him , no answer, Almost an overthinking moment (is he with someone else)…..sooo instead of counting the minutes to see if or when he would call me back I gave myself some “me time” and turned off my phonw. He left a messafe 45 mins later saying his phone was on vibrate….and he was in the bar driving to a buddies at 10:15 pm….to stop by and stuff…..he does go to that guys car shop a lot…..but its things like that that make me over think and I have come far enough to stop myself. Anyways I know this is long but what do u guys think about what im doing?
blind_otter Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 I think you're overthinking your overthinking.... IMHO, if you have a gut feeling that something is wrong, it usually is.
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 yes although you keep telling urself, its not ur gut feeling....its nto ur instinct.. you become so blind, you dont see it.. someone on loveshack only said , if it talks like a duck and if it walks like a duck, its a duck! if a man talks like he is cheating, if he walks like he is cheating, he probably is.. Its the mans job to make u feel secure. Even if he is going around with someone, he must have the ability to convince you he is urs. Talk it out with him. See where it goes.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 i do talk it out.... My mom cheated on my dad my ex cheated on me.....so im always overthinking....EVERYTHING is a red flag to me and its driving me nuts....he has never given me a eason to not trust him...just me tearing apart everything and worrying about it.
blind_otter Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Dude, I have heard that stupid "my phone was on vibrate" excuse so many times it makes me want to vomit when I hear it, now. Because guys put their phones in their pocket, how the hell do you not feel it frikkin vibrating against your frikkin testicles? end rant.
emopunk Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 I sometimes overthink things a bit too... but I always laugh at myself when I realize what it is I'm doing. It's hard if you're insecure or if, like me, experience weighs heavy on you. As for the phone thing... my fiance' gets like that sometimes. She's just not really interested in talking because she has things she needs to sort out. I'm the same. I think everyone gets like that from time to time. I don't think its a bad thing. But turning off your phone? My fiance' knows my phone is always on. If a client needs to get a hold of me, I have to be able to get the call. She will still answer the phone, but she says something to the effect "I'm watching a movie," or "I was just heading out shopping." She lets me know she's okay (#1 fear), she just needs a little time alone. I do the same thing, though extremely rarely. Maybe try that tactic if you're not completely comfortable with how you're doing things. It's just important to make him understand what's going on. I know a number of guys, including myself that blame themselves if the girlfriend/fiance/wife is in a bad mood. Of course, I know a number of women that do the same thing.
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 what will convince u? following him? spying on him? I even did that to convince myself... I even did that... and then it comes back to u..that you are a bad person for spying....even if the other person is talking to someone.. trust me it just gets worse... It should make u happy..not insecure...
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 it is on a clip and it digs in his side he a bigger guy so i know for a fact if hes watch tv or lying on the couch its off of him....and thats what he was doing that night and its a flip phone without the call id on the outside so when he opened it to see the time when he was leaving his house to see his buddy thats when he called and apologisedd fo r missing my call
emopunk Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 In response to blind_otter, We dont all carry our phones next to our balls... Mine is in my coat or back pocket. The other thing is, in my car or in the clubs, a lot of the time everything is vibrating from the music. It's hard to the tell difference.
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 its not about not picking up a phone call sometimes...is it now? i am sure u have more of a reason than that to be insecure.. if u walk away right now, will he follow u?
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 emotionsmessmeup, I dotn get what u are saying.... ya it is the phone, im insecure and im working on it...like i said my mom cheated my ex cheated and my mom lied to me and our family so its hard for me to trsut
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 he would follow but he would also want me to do what makes me happy.....im the one always say8ng lets break up or take a break and hes like NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
emotionsmessmeup Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 well if someone doesnt pick up the phone for 24 hours...i'd be worried.. has he ever done that?
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 no he always calls back with in an hour..... where i was going with this is im trying to overcome my over thinking anf i was successful and looking for advice and im falling off again cause im being convince my bf is cheating on me
blind_otter Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Here: Identifying Losers in Relationships Read it. Check it out. Compare/contrast. Just because someone begs you not to breakup doesn't mean they are good for you.
blind_otter Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Originally posted by hugznkisses21 no he always calls back with in an hour..... where i was going with this is im trying to overcome my over thinking anf i was successful and looking for advice and im falling off again cause im being convince my bf is cheating on me You can't be convinced of this by some people you don't know on the internet. Jeez. Don't blame us.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 I have major issues so it doesnt take much for someone to make me worry.....im terrified of getting hurt again so i find things wrong........
emopunk Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Your terror is terrorizing you. No two people are exactly alike. No two situation are exactly like. It's hard, but you have to try to put the past into perspective: as in this guy is not your ex, not your mother, not your father... He's his own person. Give him a chance. Talk to him. Get things sorted out. Do all you can in your own right to help yourself, but don't forget he'll do what he can to help as well if he really does love you and is devoted.
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 lets see: He tells me heloves me all te time tell me im teh best all the time takes me out/pays shows affection knows his family loves me and includes me tried his best to make time for me (we live 1 hour away so mostly weekends) I have his banking info...he trust me never accuses me always trusts me always wants to resolve things and make it work if we fight he was cheated on twice never has cheated all his friends know me well doesnt have many girl firends treats his friends and family with respect - good sign - very loyal friend Things I worry about: Him simply going out with guys -my insecurity His phone _ I always check it and no calls, texts or anything His email - check it and nothing i know his password
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 no i agree and he never gets defensive if i get all scared......he says i trust u ...u should trust me and thats all i can do its up to u to trust me
emopunk Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 You two sound very much like my fiance' and me. He's very, very much like me actually. Spooky... But seriously, He always wants to work things out if they go awry. You know his family and friends. He's given you access to very private items. He trusts you. Blows his friends off for you. This is rare. We are a very rare breed indeed. Question though, do you have a good track record of reading people?
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 im not sure....my very first bf whom i was sooo happy with and stuff cause he was my first totally decieved me
Author hugznkisses21 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 i wouldnt say he blows his frinds off...lol but he does check to see if we have plans before he goes and makes plans with them.
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