dontgiveuponme Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Hello everyone just want to know when a guy said he needed some space what does it really means? We broke up 3 months ago but got back together again..Its also a LDR and been 3 years together and he is trying as hard as he can to bring me to his country even his family is helping us but my visa is still on hold. Coz of previous breakup and my visa he become distand and cold ignoring me most of the time.I told him to tell me what he wants i will respect that if he wants to breakup with me its ok instead he said i need to chill out and nagging wont help him at all. Then 4 days ago i leave him a long message pouring my heart out apologizing and explaining i just wnt the RS to work and dont want to waste it..He replied saying he know that but its better if we give each other some space for the meantime that he doesn't know what he really wants but he also said he always love me and have feelings for me but if the visa wont work what are we meant to do.. So i give him his space but im so confused right now...what should i do?need some advice badly...
hoping2heal Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Sounds like he is distancing himself because he's not sure the Visa will work. I need space..though it can depend on the situation usually means 1 of 2 things; 1. I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore 2. I'm starting to feel like I don't want to be in a relationship because you are always crowding me and I need my autonomy In your case, it just seems to be about this guy losing hope with the Visa process. 2
Jiivy Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Sounds like he is distancing himself because he's not sure the Visa will work. I need space..though it can depend on the situation usually means 1 of 2 things; 1. I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore 2. I'm starting to feel like I don't want to be in a relationship because you are always crowding me and I need my autonomy In your case, it just seems to be about this guy losing hope with the Visa process. Pretty much. Really strong, enduring relationships last against the odds...and even then it's still no guarantee! Point in case: I was in a LDR for 6 years, my family didn't want me to be with her and disowned me. I was homeless briefly whilst the two of us looked for a place to live and work in a new city. We ended up spending 12 beautiful months together and were engaged. She had to move back to her home country and left me to explore a relationship with someone else 6 months later. I'm really NOT trying scare you here, but what I'm trying to show you is the reality of your situation. You need to have a serious conversation with this guy about his expectations. Is there someone else? Does he have a date he's willing to wait up to? I think you deserve to know where you stand because right now, he's flapping all over the place. 1
arghzme Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Pretty much. Really strong, enduring relationships last against the odds... Very well said, my friend. They last against all odds. In your case, my feeling is that he is trying to run away from it. (Sorry for the harsh words, I know they can really hurt) Just let him go. He will come back if it there was true love, otherwise it was never meant to be. 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 "I need some space" = 'I'd like to be done here, but I want to let you down gently'. It's actually more cruel than saying "It's over" because it keeps you hanging on with false hope. You need to cut contact and forget the visa. Read the No Contact Guide in my signature. It's your passport to sanity. 2
Author dontgiveuponme Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 Thanks a lot guys for the response..We are both 25 and got engaged on 2012 he tried to save as much as he can to come here in my country twice a year and stay for 2 months. 2012 we try tourist visa but it got denied then 2013 we tried fiancee visa but he didnt meet the income requirement and my visa is on hold.He comes here a month after we found out and he blames himself for that then we got in a big fight and it all went downhill then he found out his grandpa died and it got worst to the point he dumped me got an affair but it only lasts for 2 weeks and come back to me said we need to try and fix things that no one can be compared to me. Somehow i didnt move on from the recent breakup and he said he thinks he ruins everything but he also start to feel it will not gonna work because i cant let go and also the big problem about the visa.I keep asking him we need to talk about the problem and to skype me but he thinks im nagging and he dont want to argue coz he is stress from work.I also told him to tell me straight if he wants a breakup but all he said is some space. I really dont know where to stand right now. Is it better to leave him alone for a while or to confront him now?
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 In my personal opinion, what you do is this: Send him back the ring. Tell him to contact you when he has got his head straight and he is 110% sure of what he wants, EXACTLY. Fall off his radar, go No Contact and put all thoughts of being together, out of your mind, until he straightens himself out and decided for sure, for sure, what the hell he wants. Don't hound him, beg, plead, cajole, or anything. Go silent. Then: Wait. But only for 1 month. Tell him you will wait for 1 month, precisely. If within that time, he STILL prevaricates, swings, can't decide... then give up. he cheated? I'll tell you what, that's when I would have kicked his sorry ass to the kerb. If someone cheats, their heart isn't in it really - is it? 1
Author dontgiveuponme Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 Tara thanks for the advice i will try for a 1 month NC. If ill see no progress then i better need to move on and forget everything What really hurts me the most is not the cheating but to all those words he told me a hundred times before that makes me expect and believe.
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Tara thanks for the advice i will try for a 1 month NC. If ill see no progress then i better need to move on and forget everything What really hurts me the most is not the cheating but to all those words he told me a hundred times before that makes me expect and believe. Talking is cheap. Actions are what counts. he told you loads - it has come to naught. He demonstrated his affection for you by engaging in a brief affair. Actions speak louder than words. 3
Jiivy Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Talking is cheap. Actions are what counts. he told you loads - it has come to naught. He demonstrated his affection for you by engaging in a brief affair. Actions speak louder than words. It is because of our actions that the world moves. Nobody's thoughts or sentiments ever changed squat. It's only what they did with those thoughts or actions that actually made an impact! 1
Ordinaryday Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 the same thing most 'lines' that dumpers give us: "I dont want to be with you anymore". my favourites are "Im just not ready for a relationship right now" which typically means "I AM ready for a relationship right now... but not with you". or "It's not you, it's me" which typically means "It's not me, it's YOU" or "let's just be friends" which typically means "I would rather lose your friendship than have sex with you" 1
Elle1975 Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Hello everyone just want to know when a guy said he needed some space what does it really means? We broke up 3 months ago but got back together again..Its also a LDR and been 3 years together and he is trying as hard as he can to bring me to his country even his family is helping us but my visa is still on hold. Coz of previous breakup and my visa he become distand and cold ignoring me most of the time.I told him to tell me what he wants i will respect that if he wants to breakup with me its ok instead he said i need to chill out and nagging wont help him at all. Then 4 days ago i leave him a long message pouring my heart out apologizing and explaining i just wnt the RS to work and dont want to waste it..He replied saying he know that but its better if we give each other some space for the meantime that he doesn't know what he really wants but he also said he always love me and have feelings for me but if the visa wont work what are we meant to do.. So i give him his space but im so confused right now...what should i do?need some advice badly... It's just another way to let you go. It's a break up. Only he doesn't have the balls to tell you so. 1
organizedchaos Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Who needs "space" in a LDR? You already have space by its definition! 2
bluegreen Posted April 20, 2014 Posted April 20, 2014 This is to simple for words : I want to dump you but have no balls to do it and am afraid you will go ballistic on me I might come back for some "hooking" up if my next on list thing does not work out. 2
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