ThatMan Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 How do you see this ending? Since you plan on staying in both relationships. I think this is a very important question to consider. What are your long-term plans? Have you ever spent an afternoon just for yourself to think about what you want? Right now is the perfect opportunity to sit down and try to get perspective. It sounds like your relationship with the other man has been very intense. Maybe you've been looking at this while so emotionally invested that you've been unable to look at the situation from a more rational point of view. You do have the freedom of choice and that's a fact. So what are your long-term goals and what action can you take to reach them? Just because from an emotional point of view it feels difficult doesn't mean you cannot make the attempt. I strongly urge you to make an appointment for individual therapy. Couples counseling is very detrimental for relationships that are already unhealthy. You feel powerless, your husband has a veil pulled directly over his eyes, and establishing boundaries with the other man seems difficult. Those are all challenges you can overcome but you need to do that by yourself or nothing will change.
William Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 Since it appears that a threadjack about and amongst respondents started while I was on vacation, I'll give members the benefit of the doubt that they have resolved their differences and deleted the relevant postings on the last page or two. That stated, I did take note of the participants and any further postings not on-topic and directed to the thread starter and/or postings editorializing will find those participants summarily moderated with no warning. Stick to the topic and post in a civil and respectful manner. Thanks!
Spectre Posted April 21, 2014 Posted April 21, 2014 (edited) I want to say i am NOT going to tell my husband about the affair. This tells us all we need to know. You have zero respect or love for your husband, you even texted the OM yesterday. That is just unbelievable. I feel so so sorry for this poor man. He will never know the true colors of the woman he thought he loved and that is just plain wrong. She has taken a huge life decision away from him, and doesn't even seem to care. Honestly, if you have that much hate for your husband just leave him and don't speak to him again. Stay out of his life forever. If you can't be decent to him then just disappear entirely from his life, I don't know what else to tell you. I wonder if in your next relationship you will admit to being the type of person who could keep such a lie from someone they claimed to of cared about? Since that person deserves to know the type of person they are getting with, so I hope you warn them ahead of time. Edited April 21, 2014 by Spectre 1
Jonah Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 You can do it scorp. You know where you want to be. You have a goal to overcome this. Get well soon gal and go out and live in peace 2
jnel921 Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 Take away the conversations about your problems, husband and the sex, what do you really have with this guy? This a real relationship does not make. Your H deserves a spouse who loves, honors and respects the M. You have a child together a and a life. M is about partnership and when problems happen you solve them together. I am not sure how dipping it and doing it with another man helps your M. You need to be honest with your H if you are not truly happy. He does not deserve to live a lie. Let him have the opportunity to have a life with someone whom he can say truly loves him. 2
Spectre Posted April 22, 2014 Posted April 22, 2014 You can do it scorp. You know where you want to be. You have a goal to overcome this. Get well soon gal and go out and live in peace This is only true if she tells the husband. Let's not pretend otherwise.
Author scorpobsessed Posted April 23, 2014 Author Posted April 23, 2014 So I went to counseling this morning. I like her, but I dont feel like we got anywhere yet. I guess thats to be expected the first session. It felt like one big introduction. As for the OM. Well I told him we had to end this. However, he isnt making this as easy as in February. He told me he wants to fight for me and actually be together some day. I told him we cant and that I am blocking his number and blocking him on the internet. As long as he doesnt contact me at work or at home, I will hopefully be able to keep this up. Im making a dinner for my husband tonight with all of his favorite things. I hope it goes well. I am going to take baby steps with this whole process. Mostly because I'll need to. 1
Spectre Posted April 23, 2014 Posted April 23, 2014 So I went to counseling this morning. I like her, but I dont feel like we got anywhere yet. I guess thats to be expected the first session. It felt like one big introduction. As for the OM. Well I told him we had to end this. However, he isnt making this as easy as in February. He told me he wants to fight for me and actually be together some day. I told him we cant and that I am blocking his number and blocking him on the internet. As long as he doesnt contact me at work or at home, I will hopefully be able to keep this up. Im making a dinner for my husband tonight with all of his favorite things. I hope it goes well. I am going to take baby steps with this whole process. Mostly because I'll need to. So when are you going to tell your husband what you did?
Darth Vader Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 So when are you going to tell your husband what you did? I hate to say it, probably not! She would rather her poor hubby lives a lie stuck with her and wasting his years away with her rather than let him go and be happy with someone else! The thing is, hubby WILL find out someday, yes he will! Then all Hell will break loose! They almost always find out about affairs! You see, if she told him now, oh sure, he might drop her ass just like that, well, the sooner the better! As well as she could start over too! But she doesn't see that.
Spectre Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 (edited) I hate to say it, probably not! She would rather her poor hubby lives a lie stuck with her and wasting his years away with her rather than let him go and be happy with someone else! The thing is, hubby WILL find out someday, yes he will! Then all Hell will break loose! They almost always find out about affairs! You see, if she told him now, oh sure, he might drop her ass just like that, well, the sooner the better! As well as she could start over too! But she doesn't see that. And the really sad thing is we will have people here patting her on the back for the deceit and encouraging her to try to fix this via not telling this guy the truth he is owed and otherwise wishing her well and good luck, that is the most disturbing thing of all. Just wow, it is people like this that make me have no sympathy for the other posters who whine and moan about cheaters being treated unfairly here. Edited April 24, 2014 by Spectre 2
Darth Vader Posted April 24, 2014 Posted April 24, 2014 And the really sad thing is we will have people here patting her on the back for the deceit and encouraging her to try to fix this via not telling this guy the truth he is owed and otherwise wishing her well and good luck, that is the most disturbing thing of all. Just wow, it is people like this that make me have no sympathy for the other posters who whine and moan about cheaters being treated unfairly here. Yeah really, cheaters are unfair themselves! Yet, they want a level playing field, and the field's already uneven in their favor! 1
Running Man Posted April 26, 2014 Posted April 26, 2014 However, this is all getting too much. Living a double life. I dont know if my husband does or does not suspect anything but I cannot let him find out. He would be extremely hurt and pissed and rightly so. My husband is a good man and doesnt deserve this. He does work too much however. Is out of town on business a lot and has not been around for me a enough the last few years but that is not an excuse for my affair. You cant rationalize with a selfish, self aware cheater who screws over her so called husband every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Mother of the year material for sure. Lets hope her daughter doesn't turn out do the same thing down the line. Or just as bad, meets a man who would cheat on her like she does to her "husband". Everytime she attempts to teach her child any kind of basic morals she is a blatant hypocrite.
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