lola59 Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Here's my situation: I met this guy a year and two months ago. We're both in our mid-20s. We completely hit it off...very interested in getting to know each other. We couldn't do much about it at the time because we were both without vehicles; so we didn't see each other too often. We've been in contact this whole time, except for three months when we just stopped talking, for no real reason. We've been talking since then. Well, then I got a car. We recently hung out for the first time in a long time. We ended up sleeping together. He called me the very next day. During that conversation, we both kind of said some stuff that made each other jealous. He also told me about his problems with alcohol. Well, the next day I called him and he sounded kind of depressed and didn't want to talk. Well, then when I didn't hear from him three days later I called him, no answer. So, I called the next day, and his mother answered and he was "sleeping." He was supposed to call me the next day. He didn't. I sent him an early valentines' day card three days ago, telling him how I feel, basically trying to smooth over stuff I said in our last conversation. Well, I still haven't heard from him. What is going on? It's not a question of how he feels about me, because that is clear to me, so why is he pulling a disappearing act on me? Should I stop with all of the contact? Or should I wait for him to initiate contact? I just don't understand why he won't even talk to me...?
Konstantine Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 Maybe his problems with drinking are changing him? If he has a drinking problem perhaps his attitude towards people and things right now are different so he's avoiding most of the people that he knows. Another thing may be the fact that you two slept together. Forgive me for being blunt but maybe after that happened, it scared him off a bit. Some people are afraid of commitment so they tend to run away before anything can even start. Regardless of that, do you think he'd make a very reliable boyfriend? If he's ignoring you now and everything else, perhaps this really shouldn't be the ideal person for you to be in a relationship with.
Author lola59 Posted February 3, 2005 Author Posted February 3, 2005 That's the thing I think it could be...he kept apologizing to me when he told me about the drinking, because he'd been "hiding" it from me. Except I had pointed out to him, before I knew about it, that I only heard from him when he was drunk...now I know why... I thought it could of been the sleeping together, but we even discussed it many times before we went through it. I told him I was afraid things would change, etc. But it could be that... We've never talked about a comittment or anything like that, we've both hinted at it, but never had a real conversation. I mean, he was talking about getting a place together...so if he was thinking about the future and that type of committment he had to be serious about me somewhat. I just don't like being in the dark here...he won't even talk to me...it's very upsetting... I just feel like if we both put a year into this...it would've been a waste if he never speaks to me again. Do you think the card messed things up even more? Do you think he'll ever speak to me again????
morrigan Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 I would consider his admitted alcohol problems as a big red flag. Regardless of why he doesn't contact you, he has serious personal problems of his own that would really affect any relationship you would have with him.
kanga Posted February 3, 2005 Posted February 3, 2005 I'm sorry, but talk is just talk sometimes. A year of talking without seeing someone whom you just met? And then as soon as you do see him, you sleep together? Honestly, I don't know why either of you thought this would be a good idea if you were thinking of a bigger relationship. I know of few relationships that have survived sleeping together on the first night (or in your case, essentially the first one). Yes, they have bene known to happen. But it's much, much more the exception. And women, I think I have learned, tend to put a lot more emotional weight into having sex then men. Don't initiate any more contact. And be very, very skeptical if he contacts you again, especially if he acts like nothing happened and he wants to get together.
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